For Fun - Worst wedding speech!

I just put this on the thread about the father of the bride speech and definitely takes the cake in my experience:

I once went to a wedding where the father of the bride went on for so long that one table of guests accidentally set fire to their centrepiece - I think they were poking things in candles through boredom! Also, in praising his daughter and new son-in-law he managed to offend his elder daughter and her husband by endlessly making comparisons between them (example - how his first son in law was a 'solid' man and there was nothing wrong with that, but his new son in law was much more than that, he was a SPECTACULAR man etc) and the whole thing was quite painful.

To be fair though, that's the only bad one in my whole life I think, all others I've heard have been lovely so I wouldn't worry.

Who: my uncle, the father of the bride

why: he started his opening speech by talking about the New York yacht club, j.p. Morgan, and not one mention of the happy couple ( this being when he would traditionally be toasting the bride and groom), then later in the evening he got up and wished them a happier marriage than he'd had...

Speaker: Best man.

Content: Too much.

The man in question is a journalist, funny, highly-educated, incredibly articulate. He just went on for soooooo long. It was funny to start with. Then people started needing bathroom breaks.

I knew it was going to be a treat when, during the taking of bets for the speech sweepstake, his friend at our table were a good 30 mins higher than everyone else's bets.

Speaker: Father of the Bride (my own Dad at my sister's wedding)

Why: Spent months flapping over photos to make a powerpoint presentation, to which I advised him she would not take it very well if he used embarrassing pictures (she is rather high maintenance). Eventually he had finished it but it would be kept a secret. My poor OH was then elected to set up the monitor with his laptop in front of a very quite audience. This took longer than usual due to Dad having the wrong cables etc. All of this....for 2 photos!

The worst best man's speech I ever heard was at a friend's wedding. It was quite a strange wedding, as her family were Spanish and mostly spoke very little English. His were Chinese and mostly spoke very little English. Their friends were all British and spoke no Spanish or Cantonese. The Best Man had recently got divorced, and his speech began by hoping the groom would have a better MiL than he'd had. Then a digression about how awful his exMiL had been. Then he said he couldn't recommend marriage, as his had been such a disaster, but he hoped theirs would be a lot longer and happier than his was. Ladies and Gentlemen, the bride and groom! Fortunately, 2/3rds of the guests didn't understand most of it, but it was cringe-making.

When my H2B was dithering about which of two friends to pick as BM, I remembered this wedding, and recommended he NOT pick the one who's currently going through a divorce, and who hates his soon-to-be-exMiL with a passion.

My brother's speech at his own wedding wasn't bad, but he went on so long that his best man and ushers kidnapped him and carried him out of the room to shut him up.

Who: The Groom (my friends Husband).

He was saying a lovely speech about how beautiful his new wife looked and said to his in laws something very similar to this 'You have given me the best gift in your daughter... and I can't wait to unwrap her later!'

We thought it was hilarious but her Dad didn't look too pleased!

Speaker: Father of the Bride

What was so awful: The whole thing was so offensive to pretty much everyone. He thought he was being funny but made derogatory comments about working class people (a group to which I firmly belong) and was racist. He actually said the line 'in my opinion they never should have banned slavery'. It had nothing to do with his daughter at all as far as anyone could tell. It just made us all feel really sorry for the bride and most conversations that day went like this 'isn't the brides dad a tw*t'.

?

I think I'd have had to leave the room. Did the bride have any inkling that this would be the content?

Goodness me!! Makes me feel much better about my own Dad! How sad for the Bride, especially as it was then the main topic of conversation!

Who: Best man at a friend's wedding

It's not really very bad to be honest but he used that awful joke 'even the cake's in tiers' - which would be bad enough except the cake wasn't in tiers. They had a single tiered cake.

Just laughed out loud at my computer screen. My boss is next to me and I am supposed to be looking at spreadsheets! Ha!

Speaker - Brother of the bride who gave her away instead of her dad..

Why it was so bad - He opened it by saying "well Sandra..Sandra Sandra Sandra..what can I say about her? No really..what can I say about her ..*everyone awkwardly laughs* ..no I mean it, I don't know what to say about her? He then went on to have the same terrible humour throughout, babbled a bit..didn't say anything remotely loving / funny / amusing or anything. A few of us were just staring at the table cringing for him.

Although it doesn't seem too bad now after reading some of these lol!

I don't have enough fingers to count how many times we've heard that joke.......! Google has a lot to answer for....

Speech: father of the bride (one of my best friends who I was a bridesmaid for)

Content: It went along the lines of 'my daughter is so amazing. She had such dreams. She travelled all over the world and I had visions of her moving to some exotic location and having an exciting career. She did so well at university and could have conquered the world. And then she met (insert grooms name here)'.

There was a sharp intake of breath and some muffled guffaws at this.

I THINK what he was trying to say was that he's happy she'd met the groom as it meant he could keep his daughter nearer...but if really didn't come across like that!

Speaker: Best Man - My OH at his cousin's wedding

What went wrong - He got so p1ssed trying to stifle his nerves with alcohol that nobody could understand a word he was saying, he slurred all the way through it. Everyone was tittering awkwardly and he nearly died on his feet - HOWEVER, my daughter, who was 3 at the time and seeing that her dad was in trouble, stood on a chair and addressed the whole room with what would have been the best man's speech (she had heard him practicing it and comitted it to memory - she couldn't read at the time). It wasn't perfect, but she got the general gist of it, and received plenty of Aaah's and Awwww's for her trouble, from the enchanted guests.

Brilliant! Nothing quite like your 3 year old to rescue your speech!

Who: Best man

He spoke about the groom being scared of cats as a child and photos to prove it then came out with the line 'but he's conquering his fear of the *** tonight!' I don't usually like things like that but all the friends were laughing - her mum was furious!

I've been censored! Should have said 'But he's conquering his fear of the p--u--s--s--y tonight!'

Who: The Groom at a friends wedding.

Why: For forgetting to mention his bride. At all. Perhaps he was nervous.... but still.

My first marriage:

Speaker: Best man.

Assured all he'd be fine as he's 'used to doing bids and pitches for work' rambled on about Shrek, forgot his punchline, got the brides name wrong. Got heckled for not being loud enough by his 2 year old daughter. Got heckled by my aunt when he got things wrong (and she's an easy audience). Didn't end on a toast! .... Amazed he ever gets work really!

Friend's Wedding

Uncle of the Bride (as father and mother had passed away)

Stood up and waved a thick bound book in the air saying they were his notes. We all laughed. Forty minutes later we had essentially listened to a speech about the bride's dead parents and a lot of relatives we'd never met who weren't there. He obviously felt offended that the bride's sister hadn't asked him to speak at her wedding but he made up for it by speaking about the bride and her sister in equal measure. He was a really rather tedious.

There's been a few 'not-great' ones:

I've seen two grooms completely leave out their bride; one chatted a lot about how great his best men were etc, and the other just said 'thanks for coming everyone' and sat back down! The FOB speech at this wedding was also awkward as he basically just insulted his daughter (in quite a funny way) however he didn't balance it with anything nice! Wasn't the best!

It wasn't awful, but my friend's FOB speech was just a 20 minute rambling of in-jokes (which only him, the bride and her sister got), and big gaps while he hysterically cried with laughter into his speech. My friend seemed happy with it, but the majority of the guests had no clue what was going on.

I fear my own dad's speech could be a contender when it comes round to my big day - he's humour is an acquired taste - hardly anyone gets it and tends to take him seriously resulting in some of it coming across as weird and some as very offensive! the worst speech I've heard so far is

Speaker: Best Man

Issues with speech: He was the same best man as at groom's first marriage, and started with 'well, this is the second of (groom's name's) wedding I've been to now, who's got bets on when the third will be? To a horrified crowd. He then made lots of jokeS along these lines suggesting half the guests had 'heard it all before at the last wedding' and 'hopefully this one will last longer'. He finished by saying 'I've been told to do some toasts and thanks but everyone finds them a bit boring so lets all just get another drink' the bride was horrified and everyone felt pretty uncomfortable....

Speaker- Father of the bride

When I was working in a hotel sadly one wedding we had the brides mother died a week or 2 before the wedding.

The father of the bride requested that all the staff who had worked on the wedding attend the reception room so he could personally thank us in his speech, so everyone from the managers, chefs and waitresses to the pot washers etc all lined up at the edge of the room (wedding was for about 60 people which was max capacity for the room so if felt very intimate) for the FOTB to thank us which he did but rather than pausing and allowing us to leave he continued with his speech which was really heart felt about his wife that he has just lost and then he, the bride and many others just broke down and cried uncontrollably. It was just awful (not the speech or the crying which was understandable in the circumstances) its just that we all felt like we were intruding on what should have been a private moment among friends and family I didn't know what to do or where to look.

Omg, Ant's best man did the exact same thing, and we just had the dessert table! He had so many of those jokes that pop up when you google 'best man speech', it was ridiculous, but he was also a teensy bit drunk, which did actually make it a little bit funny. Except the one comparing Ant to a floor- lay it right the first time and walk all over it for years. The looks on my aunts' faces when they got it...

Giggling at my desk at work!!! Brilliant!!!! x

That's unbelievable?

Im laughing hard at some of these posts (I shouldn't as I could be next ! )

Friends wedding : Farther of Bride

Thanked everyone for attending then spent 20 mins talking about his second daughter and how proud he was of her ect ,no mention of bride and groom and then finished off asking everyone if they think his wife had scrubbed up well for the day.

second wedding was one we did at where I work,

Best man :the whole speech was about the grooms stag do in Spain and what they got up to , he then passed a4 size pics around of the groom and stags naked chasing girls,

bearing in mind there were 10 kids at the table (aged 5 to 14 ).

Bride did not bat an eye lid (not sure if she was even listening just smiled in the right places ).

I didn't know where to look I wanted to grab the kids and take them to another room.

Off now to amend wedding day schedule : NO SPEECHES its been a nice day lets keep it that way.

It's not in the speeches but OH was best man for his best friend last year and the vicar got the grooms name wrong during the vows. The vicar didnt notice or correct himself!

The groom wrote his speech on the morning of the wedding, on the back of a bank statement in red crayon. He could hardly see the writing and spent the whole time moving the bank statement round trying to figure out what he wrote. One line was "and thankyou to my mum you've been......... Long pause...... A......... A........ Am... Amazing!"