friend staying - AIBU?

I think hes being pretty thoughtless and selfish unless you agreed to doing all this with him and thought it was a good idea. if he s just sent you that out of the blue, i d be pretty tempted to tell them to stay in a hotel.

Hmm, I would feel exactly the same as you do and would be gutted, but at the same time I know how hard it is when you only have a weekend and everyone wants a bit of your time. Could you suggest you spend some time just you guys on Sunday perhaps before he meets the college friend?

How rude. Seems the selfish git sees you as little more than a B&B for the duration of his stay.

That is very rude and thoughtless.

I'd call his bluff. Email him with some suggestion about a drink/lunch/dinner just the two of you to "catch up" at some point over the weekend. If he umms and arhhs or pleads his busy "itinery" you know for sure you are being used as a hotel.

ta,

he did ask if he could stay when he first talked about coming over a few months ago. i said yes, and the next thing i hear is this itinerary.

i am tempted to tell him to stay in a hotel, but neither he nor the boy have much cash to pay for somewhere to stay. i haven't a problem at all with having them to stay, i'd just thought that we'd get to spend some time together ?

to be honest, he does have a huge amount of people that he *has* to see so i can understand having an itinerary. but i may say that i'd planned on us going out on the sunday afternoon/having coffee or lunch.

This is one of your best friends? Surely you can bring this up with him directly?

How utterly devious of you! Much better than just talking to him ?

I'd say that was rude - are you his mate or a B&B? Email him back and say - wow - I thought we would get change to catch up with you staying at my hotel house

Ooh, more replies. thanks all.

i'll email back and suggest alternative arrangements for the sunday afternoon.

he is one of my oldest, closest friends and when he emailed last year to say that he was making the move to Oz permanent, i was a little teary because he's now going to be so far away permanently. i suppose that if he is still a close friend then he won't mind me demanding some of his time!

I'd be completely honest with him - email him back saying that whilst you're obviously delighted he is coming over, you are getting the sense that you're just being used as a crash pad in between him partying with mates, and that you feel rather hurt and angery about that.

yeah, he is.

i just really wanted/needed to figure out if i was being unreasonable before i replied to the email. the last thing i want to do is send him an email having some form of hissy fit about him not paying me enough attention.

as it is, with the help of you luverly hitchers, i've come to the decision that i'll email back and suggest doing something on the sunday with moi instead of his college friend. (inner child screams "i've known him longer, he was MY friend first!")

ta muchly folks

?

Exactly, the college friend can muck in on one of the club nights, surely? It sounds like he is dead keen to impress his new bf with endless nights out on the razz, and coffee and chatting with you isn't sufficiently glam. Bear in mind though that with that schedule whatever chilling out and catching up time you plan is lkikely to get sumsumbed by him needing to sleep off a hangover.

Hi,

I do agree - I think your friend is being a bit selfish..but in all honesty he is probably just that excited about his holiday he probably hasn't thought it through properly. Also, we have family that visit about once a year, and they always have set plans about who they want to meet and what they want to do. I haven't yet seen them do any of it!!! ? I think they just get all these idea's into their heads, then they get to us for a long weekend and decide to change everything!!!

Just go with the flow - I am sure you will get a lot of time with him!!

The whole 2 and a half week itinerary does look like it's been designed to amaze and delight the boyfriend to some extent. the trip is taking in the sights of edinburgh, inversnecky, manchester, london and assorted aunts, uncles and fantastic friends.

anyhoo, i've emailed him back and suggested sunday lunch/dinner. hopefully by that point in the day he'll have overcome the worst of the horrors from saturday night and will be in a fit enough state to hang on my every word.

i'm not usually this lilly-livered about stuff (well, apart from fearing my boss but that's another story), i just didn't want to fire off a quick response and then realise that i was being unreasonable.

I think it's very reasonable to email him that. I would also have a think about what to say if he does by chance reply and say that he won't have time to fit that in.

hmmm... hadn't really thought about him turning me down. i suppose i have the upper hand, what with housing him for the weekend though.

it's really his choice though - but am holding out for at least an afternoon out of him. am prepared to share with the rest of the edinburgh crowd though. i can bully them into doing what i want dead easily*. ?

*not strictly true, am dead nice and lovely friend. but sometimes those boys just need to be told what they want to do.

I've kind-of been on the other side of this. We lived away and came back 'home' to visit friends/family. We stayed with the same friends and we were always busy for the whole weekend visiting other friends/family etc.

However, we always left most or all evenings free so we could spend them with out 'hosts'. I was always felt strongly that they would not feel like we were treating them like a hotel. And if it meant not seeing some people, so be it.

I think your friend is being selfish, quite frankly and would also be a bit pee'd off if I were you.

See MD, that's what i'd thought - if i were the one visiting i'd try and spend time with the host.

i've just realised i'm going to have to get a key cut for my friend as he'll be out gallivanting till all hours of the morning. ho hum.

anyway, ? everyone. i await his response...