Friends Hen Party Drama

Did you communicate beforehand that the Cyprus hen do was out of your budget? If you didn't, it may simply be that the bridesmaids did tell her, and this is why she is having an alternative, cheaper hen do for them in the UK.

It's too late for this occasion, but in future, don't be afraid to set firm boundaries and communicate them. E.G. if you get invited to an overseas hen do, decide if you can afford to go, and if you can, whether you want to go. If you accept based on what is affordable and enjoyable to you, then even if a cheaper option turns up later, you wont' be left feeling angry. In this case, it sounds as if you didn't really want to go to Cyprus, but didn't feel you could say so, which is why you are now left feeling that you have been unfairly treated.

If you didn't communicate your concerns beforehand, then I don't think you have been treated unfairly, since the MOH had no idea you weren't happy to go to Cyprus. If you did express concerns over the cost, then it is a bit inconsiderate to offer a cheaper alternative after you have booked the more expensive one.

As for what to do now, I would think about the costs involved, and how you are going to feel going to Cyprus knowing there is also going to be a UK hen. It would be far better to cancel Cyprus than to go feeling angry and resentful about it, so I would cancel unless you think that you will be able to get past these feelings of anger and really enjoy your time out there. If you go feeing resentful, you won't enjoy it, you'll be wasting a lot of money because of that, and the rest of the party are also going to pick up on how you are feeling.

To be honest this kind of thing does annoy me a bit as it happens quite a lot as seen by discussions on this forum. I think too much can be expected of hen dos and I personally would never expect my hens to go abroad, I just think it’s too much of an ask and unfair if you have people who don’t earn as much. The other issue is the holiday allocation of people who are employed, I am lucky I get 27 days a year but my fiancé only gets 20 which make a big difference.
We are going for one night away in a UK spa hotel and I was conscious of the cost from the outset even though it is quite a good deal. I told hens that if they couldn’t make the hen do for whatever reason (cost, childcare) then I would catch up with people separately.
I declined a hen do to Barcelona in the past as I told them it was too expensive for me and I was pregnant at the time so wouldn’t have been able to get drunk with the rest of them. I know it’s hard but being honest from the outset is important. I agree with the other commentator that you should cancel Cyprus as going and feeling bitter and worried about the cost will not make it an enjoyable trip and you may end up having a row whilst you are there which happened to my best mate on her hen do to Disneyland Paris although that wasn’t about cost but there was a huge row with her FHs sisters 😬.Good luck

It really surprises me that MOH didn't communicate this to the entire hen group... I feel like if one person can't go, then that's maybe unlucky and fair enough, but if multiple key hens (i.e. bridesmaids) can't go and it's enough people to warrant as second hen, why go ahead with the original plan at all?!

I think if this is still being treated as the main hen, and you're really close with the bride, then you might love it and feel glad that you got to go to this one and were part of the special celebration. If you feel cross enough about it that you feel like you probably won't enjoy yourself in Cyprus to the extent that it might be obvious to the Bride and ruin her time on her hen, then you should consider declining. I completely sympathise that this is a crummy situation, but it sounds like MOH is at fault here and the Bride shouldn't be punished for MOH's poor planning and communication.

I wouldn’t do it - you will be annoyed and it will show

If it’s not too late to pull out of Cyprus then I wouldn’t go. You may feel resentment if you were to go and if you’re worrying about money then you will be unlikely to enjoy yourself.
It sounds like there has been poor communication by the MOH about the second hen do. However, in future it would be worth speaking up early on if something is out of your price range.