Friends letting me down

I feel like this happens to most brides. My friend got married last year and she found that there were a few "friends" who didn't come for stupid reasons. She also had a couple not turn up on the day and not even let her know.

I have also had a "friend" say they can't come before I even sent the invites out. Not sure how she knew she couldn't come before knowing the date. We have also had a family member decline, saying he didn't want to take the day as annual leave, because he would rather use it on going on holiday.

I think it really shows who is there for you and who genuinely wants to be in your life. I know its sad, but you have no control over this, so you just have to let it go. I just focus on all the people who are there for me and who do want to be in my life. I just have to let it go otherwise it would stress me out.

As you go through life you unfortunately do have these realisations, I had the same when my son was born. The positive is no doubt you are marrying your best friend and the person who you are choosing to have as a permanent fixture in your life and someone who has your back. Same with family and it’s true when they say blood is thicker than water. The people that don’t have a good excuse for not attending most likely do care very much about you and perhaps may have money worries or childcare worries that they haven’t explained to you, either way they will either make the effort for you in other ways or they won’t and maybe you might need to reevaluate your closeness with them. For now focus on the people who are making effort for you and cherish them for it, you have the rest of your life to meet new people and create strong bonds with them. Talk to your friends let them know your feelings maybe they will be able to give some comfort and explanations x

View quoted message Kirsty I agree with you 100%... Covid seems to have made people 10x more flakey, people just don't seem bothered about making an effort anymore.. my partner's rugby team even struggle to go for a drink together after matches :/


The people who have genuinely given me a good reason, e.g. they're out of the country, I completely understand that. It's the ones that don't even bother giving a reason that really irritate me; the ones who are acting like I'm inviting them to a birthday party, not my wedding... It's definitely made me re-evaluate who's in my life and who's with staying/worth making the effort
I am genuinely trying to focus on the people who are making the effort, but it still hurts
Thanks for your advice x

Thanks for your advice Melissa 🙂 I do get where you're coming from, however for me it's the people who are treating it like they've been invited to a dinner party and not a wedding, the care and effort and manners just don't seem to be there from people anymore unfortunately...


I'm sure on my big day it won't matter, I'm trying to come to terms with how it's making me feel xx

View quoted message Thanks for your advice Rochelle, I do get where you're coming from, it's just hard to feel that certain people care about me when some of them haven't been given a reason for not attending :/


I'll bear in mind what you've said though xx

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Yeah exactly, we had one decline that I completely understand the reasoning behind. But my FH's family member who declined, has no good reason. It just seems they don't want to come, but they are local, which makes it worse. Especially when we have family coming over from Australia and Luxemburg especially for the wedding. It just shows you who is really there for you.

I totally understand that the wedding isn't as important to other people, but I think most of us would assume family and close friends would have some degree of empathy and understanding of how important this day is. I know it hurts, but just try to focus on the positive and excitement of the day.

View quoted message Agree with you completely... At the end of the day, it's just poor manners and as far as I'm concerned, people ought to step up their effort game for something like a wedding.. if they don't then it really shows their true colours


Thank you for your kind words though, I hope you have an amazing day too, despite all the flakey people! Xx

In the first place, you need to keep in mind that just because someone isn't coming to your wedding, it doesn't mean they don't care about you. A lot of people are still very twitchy about going to big social events post-Covid, some because they are nervous of getting Covid, but a lot more because they have just got out of the habit of socialising in the past couple of years, and now find it really stressful. Also, many people are experiencing real financial hardship, and however much you try to simplify, weddings are expensive - even if you already have something in your wardrobe that's suitable to wear, you still have to pay for travel, possibly accommodation and maybe even child/pet sitters. It all adds up, and some people may not be able to afford it. So I would assume that because someone isn't coming to your wedding, they don't care about you.

Having said that, I think a wedding is a good opportunity to review friendships. Are the people who are declining without good reason still interested in meeting up at other times? Do they contact you to catch up, or do you only see/speak to them when you make the effort to get in touch? Sometimes, it's not until we stop to consider our friendships that we realise how one-sided some of them can be. I used to think I had four very close friends - their behaviours around my wedding make me realise that really, I only have three. But that's ok. Realising how one-sided the fourth friendship was has enabled me to spend more time focussing on the other three!

I’m sorry you feel this way. My best friend got married 4 years ago and 12 people let her down, the people she thought wouldn’t. I remember she said on the day she didn’t even give them a second thought. So all I can say is although it’s bothering you now, on the day it’ll be all about you and your partner and you won’t even be bothered about those people. It’s funny how big events like this make people weird and then you see who they really are to you. Keep your head high and just enjoy the run up to your big day. You only get to enjoy that once.

I can completely understand what you're saying Tiff.

When we decided to get married last year (wedding this July) I told a friend who I have known for almost 30 years. I asked if she would be coming and she said she didn't know as she might be going on holiday. I asked if she had booked her holiday and she said 'no' but she might closer to the date. It made me feel like if she didn't have anything better to do then she might come to my wedding.

She can't be bothered to come to my hen weekend either as I decided not to go abroad! So called friend, eh?