Friends whose bfs/partners you’ve not met

I think it’s quite common to not invite somebody’s partner if you don’t know them. I have friends who are married and their friends partners didn’t come to the day but were invited to the evening reception - I think this is what we are doing with some people whose partners we don’t know.


I think the only time I would say give them a plus one if possible, is if they don’t know anybody else there - I wouldn’t want to go somewhere on my own where I didn’t know anybody other than the bride and groom.
People tend to be understanding that it’s a lot of money per head in the day!

View quoted message Thanks Megan

Yeah I agree with the previous comment. My fiancé was invited to his friend’s wedding about a year after we started dating, but I hadn’t met those friends until about 6 months before. He didn’t have a plus one, and that seemed fair to me since they didn’t know me. A few months later, I got an evening invite which I thought was really lovely as we had met a few times then.

The only other thing I would add is that if they are travelling a long way it might be worth thinking about inviting them to the whole day.

It's ok not to invite a boyfriend/girlfriend they have just started dating, but it is usually considered rude not to invite an established partner. Many people used to have a 'no ring no bring' rule, but now some couples live together for decades without marrying, it's a bit more complex - obviously, it would be weird to invite a fiance of a few months standing, but not invite a live-in partner of 30 years!

I would look at it from another angle though - in most cases, you are going to have met fiances or spouses of people you know well. So if someone you know has been going out with their partner long enough to get engaged or married to them but you have never met the partner, that suggests you don't actually know that person very well and could maybe not invite them in the first place.

Personally, I wouldn't attend a wedding that my husband was not also invited to (obviously, things were different when strict Covid regs were in place, but I'm talking about things as they are now)

I agree with Megan, I think its fine to not invite the partner if you don't know them very well. Weddings are so expensive these days and there are number limits too. If you had to give everyone a plus one it would become ridiculous in size and cost.


I don't think anyone should feel entitled to someone's wedding, obviously it's nice to go together as a couple but you are your own person as well and sometimes life just gets in the way and you never get round to meeting someone's other half.

I personally wouldn't be offended if I wasn't invited to a wedding as its not about me at the end of the day and if they really didn't want to come without their partner they can always decline to come.

Thanks that’s been really helpful 🙏🏼

We had the same issue, and we told them that they could come in the evening but we would add them to the reserve list if we got drop outs just before the day as we would have a space we had paid for so it made sense. As it was we had no no shows on the day. I do find it funny that some people don't get that it is quite ruse and odd to ask to being someone to a wedding that you have never met!

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I wouldn't ever ask to bring my husband to a wedding if I was invited to it and he wasn't. But I would think the couple was being quite rude to exclude him.

I wondered if my views were out of date, but a quick search of various wedding & etiquette blogs indicates a unanimous vote in favour of inviting committed partners (i.e. married, engaged, living together).

But I think the best reason for inviting partners was a comment I've just read on another forum: "It's rude to expect people to spend time and money on acknowledging your relationship when you won't acknowledge theirs"

It's up to the couple to decide who gets invites, but it is worth being aware that current etiquette still advises married/engaged/living together couples being invited as a social unit.

It's a tricky one and think it's very much dependant on the relationship because as RomanticGreen said, "It's rude to expect people to spend time and money on acknowledging your relationship when you won't acknowledge theirs" is a pretty expected rule of thumb.

Here's my two cents for what it's worth though, as I have a v small guest count so have been thinking about this!

If it's a well-established partner, serious relationship, you hear about them a lot when you hang out with your friend then I'd err on the side of inviting them even if you don't actually know them (and I'd suggest maybe use this realisation as a bit of a prompt to make more of an effort to get to know your friend's OH). Under this category this is how I'm thinking about it...

- If it's a case of you've not really got to know them but that's because they live far away or you always see that friend one on one or something that otherwise implies the only reason you don't know them is due to lack of opportunity, I'd invite them.

- If it's a case of you've not got to know them because even though they've had ample opportunity said OH often declines the opportunity to see you, then I think I'd be fair not to invite them if you're desperate for that seat because it sounds like probably wouldn't go anyway! Or, invite out of politeness but make sure you find out ASAP if they are likely to go so you can fill the spot.

If it's a newer/less serious partner, or an on/off relationship, I'd err on not inviting them. Under this category...

- If it's a very new partner, there is always the possibility that they will become serious by the time of the wedding, and you may well know them very well by this point, so I'd be saying to your friend that you don't have space for their OH at the moment, but if you get declines nearer the time then there may be a spot that becomes available for their OH.

- If you are doing evening invites you could consider allowing all these OH's to join at this point, but you'd only need to invite them at formal invite stage rather than send a save the date so just explain to your friend that this is what'll be happening.

- If your friend would literally know no one else at the wedding except you, and is the type of person who'd likely find that very challenging as well as someone you'd be really gutted to get a decline from, then I'd consider extending their partner an invite (by name so that if they break up they don't then think it's a transferrable +1 to use on whoever).

Hope that helps

I had a similar issue with a friend asking me if she could bring a plus one (never met him by the way) I said due to the size of my family we couldn't include any plus 1's however I have said my cousins partners can come to the evening reception although I haven't met them either

We are only doing plus ones if we know the partner- eg, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife etc I’m not paying £85 for someone’s Saturday night fling!🫢🤣

We've come to the decision to only invite plus ones if we BOTH know them/have met them and if they are in a serious relationship OR if the person isn't going to know anyone else at the wedding. We decided this because my colleagues have been pretty insistent that they get a plus one to bring their husbands/wives etc but there will be a group of 7 of them so if they each bring one that's an extra 7 people that myself or my partner have never met!