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Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry

Frustrating guests

Ali312, 29 March, 2022 at 18:00 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 9
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Hi everyone,


Just having a difficult time with some of the guests. We have a small venue with limited accomodation, so have invited the guests accordingly. Unfortunately, because of this we've had to split some families up- i.e. invite the parents, but not the kids (by kids I mean grown up people 18+).
I sent out the invites today and now I got a few offended messages saying 'We're not coming because you haven't invited the whole family'. At the end of the day it's their decision, but I'm just a bit frustrated as to why people don't understand that there's only so many I can invite, be it due to finances or accomodation. I can't just randomly add in their 3 kids. Also I'm not really close to the kids. And, it's not like the kids are young.
Just a rant I guess. Anyone else had something similar?

9 replies

Latest activity by Ali312, 31 March, 2022 at 19:19
  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    Oh yea, I feel your pain! It is quite sad they get so offended as it should be an honour to be invited to a wedding and I wouldn't dream of being upset by older kids not being invited. Take it with a pinch, the way I think is if they are going to o be like that then I dont want th at my wedding anyway. Hopefully it may free up some gaps for you to invite other people. I would also say don't get into a conversation about it, reply saying you had to think hard about your guest list due to costs and seat limits and you are sorry they feel this way but you respect their decision not to attend and then leave it at that.
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  • A
    Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
    Ali312 ·
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    Thank you for your opinions! That's the way I'm veering myself, saying ok, thanks for letting us know and then maybe inviting a couple of friends instead. Because they didn't even ask if they can bring them along, it was just a flat out 'we're not coming'.


    My OH on the other hand thinks we should tell them that it's because of space and if spots open up we'll let them know. I feel like that could just drag us into further problems, especially that we don't know the full story on their side, whether they're genuinely offended etc.

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  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    If anyone says they're not coming because x isn't invited, then simply respond 'thank you for letting us know'. Don't explain, apologise or excuse - it only encourages them to argue why you should make an exception for their friend or relative.

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  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    It absolutely will drag you into further complications as if there are say 5 of them but you only have 2 spots open up how do you choose? Also, the bottom line is you were not going to invite them so don't get bullied into it as is more hassle thean is worth, I speak from experience, stick to YOUR list and don't be bullied into inviting people by others, is their loss
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  • Pinkcoffee22
    Dedicated April 2022 Staffordshire
    Pinkcoffee22 ·
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    I love the support on this thread. It's all so amazing.

    I've had some terrible ordeals with family members and guests, I feel your pain. I would absolutely respond with, 'Thank you for letting us know!' and leave it there, because you know messages like that are trying to get into a big of a back-and-forth with those who were invited playing the victim.

    I invited one of my friends and her husband and 3 children, and she went on to give me meal options for 7 CHILDREN! 7! 4 of whom are 18+! I invited 3, not 7! Ridiculous.

    But anyway, take the higher, less-stressful ground. You have every right to invite whom you want and nobody else, for whatever reason xxx

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  • A
    Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
    Ali312 ·
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    Yes, definitely! I often find that I can't discuss things with family because people will take sides.


    I suppose the good thing is they said they're not coming, as opposed to 'here's our food selection for 5 people'. How did you cope with that family essentially inviting themselves?
    That's so true, thank you. I just wish I cared less about what people think of me sometimes. It would be easier.
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  • Pinkcoffee22
    Dedicated April 2022 Staffordshire
    Pinkcoffee22 ·
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    I'm the same as you; I worry so much about what people will think of me. Being completely honest, however, this wedding has made me care a lot less!

    With the family inviting themselves, I messaged back and said, 'So sorry, I only have X, Y and Z on my RSVPs. She immediately retracted the self-invites and apologised. Ha. Thankfully! Xxx

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  • Yorkshirelass
    Super July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    Sorry but who has 7 children! 2 is enough Smiley xd

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  • A
    Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
    Ali312 ·
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    Sounds like you avoided any confrontations or anything, which is great!


    I really hope that with time (and as more things like this happen I'm sure) I'll start caring less too! As in, why do I care so much about what someone I haven't properly spoken to in 5+ years and didn't even have a solid relationship with thinks about me in the first place? My mind boggles me sometimes 😅
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