Fuming - AIBU?

No, I don't think you are BU. In fact, someone knocking to tell me to keep the noise down in the day would have hacked me off from the start. Yes, of course you should be considerate towards your neighbours, but it isn't your fault he works nights.

Yours is day to day noise, and he can turn his tv up if he wants to. Having his washing machine going at 2.30 in the morning is a different thing altogether.

Thank you HH - I had made the point about it not being our fault he works nights. To be honest I was annoyed when he first said it to us, but wanted to get on with them as we all have to live here.

Thanks about the point about the washing machine as well - I did think that as well but its nice to have an impartial view to it all.

Cheers!

I'm completely in agreement with you. Fair enough for the bloke to tell you he works nights and good on you for trying to keep quiet in the mornings for him. Then not on for them to do washing at 2.30am but again, you sorted it out together. But asking you to be quiet at 8.00pm is just so wrong. When I was 18, I never would have complained to the neighbours - maybe his parents are complete moaners and he inherited it or they put him up to it!

Noise abatement as far as I know covers anti-social behaviour and late night noise e.g. revving cars, loud stereos, parties after 11.00 certainly not a child crying at 8.00pm!

But be careful about starting a full-on dispute as it could affect any future house sale and could make life difficult too. I'd ignore the 18 year old and explain how unreasonable he's being if he does it again.

Thank you Champagne as well. I think my husband is going to speak to the dad tomorrow - he's not there at the moment as he's out working nights.

I really don't want to have a full on dispute with them about it, but I was so angry about it.

Grrr, I dont think you are being unreasonable.

Of the people who I have come across who work night shifts many of them think the world should come to a halt just because they are sleeping. They fail to realise that they get extra shift allowance to compensate for the hassle of working nights. The neighbour we used to live next door to wanted us to put off having our central heating system installed and therefore delaying moving the house for 2 weeks because he was on night shift.

Personally I wouldn't react to them. I think a bit of noise from a house with children in is perfectly reasonable.

Thanks BB. the son doesn't work nights, just the dad, and its the son that's now complaining tonight.

I'm a bit worried now that I have made things worse by arguing back!

Oh dear...is 7am too early to have the washer on? ?

i put my uniforms all in the wash when i get home from my last shift, so i can hang them up when i wake up. although i think my neighbours are ususally up/about to get up then...

i guess they can hear our washer as i can hear theirs (they usually put it on late)

in answer to the OP...well, maybe you're not totally BU but it sounds like you've had a reasonable relationship with the neighbours up to now, so i'd try not to let the son wind you up tbh. who knows, maybe he's had an exceptionally stressful day? he doesn't speak for the whole family so try not to let it worry you ?

We're certainly not all like that. I work 2 or 3 nights out of every 7 day shift cycle and I wouldn't dream of asking my neighbours to alter their routine to accommodate me. That's what earplugs and blackout blinds are for. I also wear cordless headphones when I'm up at antisocial hours so as not to disturb them with my music or tv. During the summer, if I can get a cheap deal on the Travelodge opposite my work, I'll stay there rather than try to sleep through the inevitable Flymos and children playing in gardens. I practically lived there when next door were having their extension built. Even earplugs can't compete with a pneumatic drill on concrete. ?

oh yes. i'm due to retire next year. its an absolute fortune ?

fwiw, few things wake me up when i've done nights. ? but knowing my neighbours all work days, i wouldn't go out on the lash and then make an almighty row at 2am or do my DIY then or something, so why can't shift workers ask for the same consideration?

When you do, you simply must come down to St Tropez to visit me on my yacht. ?

I did word my post carefully and said 'of the shift workers I have come across' as I know not all shift workers are like that. I also think its fair enough to be made aware that a neighbour works shift. The guy we lived next to did 2 weeks days and 2 weeks nights so if we did want some work doing we tried to fall in with his shifts. I have no problem with that but he really did think he was being reasonable by asking us to stop installing the heating after day one, meaning that we would not of been able to move in the house. As it was my FIL (who was doing the work) started work later in the day to make it better for him.

Well to be fair though betty, your neighbour sounds a bit of a tool. but if i decided to do my DIY at 2am and said 'well of all the day workers i know, most expect the world to come to a halt as they're sleeping, and they fail to realise they have the luxury of having every night free to do as they please and not have to turn down invitations from friends and family because of their work' then i think i'd swiftly be told i was BU...

I wasn't trying to imply anything about night shift workers in my post - I think the thing that has annoyed me the most is that they have now asked us to be quiet in the mornings and in the evenings - 1 works nights and the other works days!

We just can't seem to win.

BTW I don't think 7am is to early for a washer

well again to be fair, your youthful neighbour sounds like a bit of a nobber but if his dad's ok...might not be worth falling out about over a one-off spat IYSWIM? if the son usually ok? as i said maybe he's just had a rough day...

Thanks for all your replies - I think I'll get my calmer husband to speak to the dad about it to try and smooth things out. Really don't want to have a falling out after such a short time being here.

Why dont you speak to the dad, Emlee, it might sound less confrontational from you as it was you the son spoke to?

How many times could I say 'you'?

WSS.

Tell the son to turn the telly up and the dad to buy a pair of earplugs.

You live in a semi-detached house, you have to be prepared to put up with hearing some residual living noise through the wall.

not sure why the dad is being classed as BU tbh. he politely asked for them to keep the noise down in the mornings and was reasonable re their request about the washer. i don't see what the problem with dad is (well apart from having a rooood son)

Dad wasn't being unreasonable, but if that had been me I would have been ticked off he came round to tell me the day I moved house. Unless he came with a bottle of wine and a card to welcome them (as I've always done with new neighbours)

18 year old son has a bloody cheek IMO. Almost worth taking the child's toy away to create screaming for a few minutes! ?

Well, I think to tell someone you know has a small child to keep their noise down as soon as they move in and you've therefore got no reason to believe they are going to make excessive noise is pretty unreasonable. I'd have been bloody p1ssed off if my neighbours had done that ie made the assumption that because we have a child he's a noisy unruly brat and we're inconsiderate neighbours. And tbh, why he needed to be asked to turn down his washer, surely anyone with half a brain would think that having that running at 2.30 in the morning would disturb the people through the wall without having to be told. Unless said child is screaming and shouting etc, but in general terms small children do make some residual noise. If he's that easily disturbed, ear plugs would seem a sensible suggestion.

but as far as i have read, the dad hasn't even mentioned the chid. he's just said he works nights and could they take that into consideraion in the mornings...

its the son who's mentioned the little girl

ear plugs are rubbish btw. you end up oversleeping as you don't hear the alarm ?

Well, I still think it makes someone look a bit of a twat if the way they welcome their new neighbours is with "I work nights so keep quiet in the mornings" with no evidence they make any unreasonable noise. I do think if you have to sleep during the day you have to expect people will go about living their lives. What does he do if people are cutting their grass or their kids are out playing etc? Go and tell them to stop? I sometimes kip during the day if I am particularly tired or not had a good night and yes it's not as restful as night time but people have to live, c'est la vie innit?

ETA yes I do think it's fair to show people consideration and not doing washing or hoovering when you know he's asleep is only fair, but I'm damned sure I wouldn't be treading round on eggshells for him.

i disagree. i wish more people could talk openly with their neighbours to resolve problems or address what may be a problem. then maybe we would get less 999 calls from people complaining about their neighbours 'harrassing' them

i haven't read one thing to suggest the dad has been unreasonabe at all about ordinary background noise. i personally wouldn't have a problem with kids playing or lawnmowers, but if someone had their rock band practice, knowing i'd just done a night shift, i'd be pretty pissed off. as i imagine you would be if i lived next to you and did this at 2am

honestly, what have i missed to suggest the dad has been unreaonable about the noise so far?

edited to add...and why the assumption he made the request about the noise in the morning based on them having a child, and guessing he was assuming she would be a noisy brat? wheres that come from?

Did i totally misread your previous reply or has it changed? ?

i don't think you're necessarily brainless to put your washer on at 2am either tbh, it may not have ocurred to you that the noise would travel. and hes been very nice over that too

Well maybe IIWNSIWU (if I worked night shift I would understand) ?

While I do think people should be considerate of neighbours I think night shift workers need to accept that day times are just not going to be as quiet as night times (should be anyway) for going to sleep. My dad works nights and sleeps in the day and their next door through the wall neighbours have 5 kids (who are right horrible noisy brats btw!) and he'd never dream of going and telling them to get their kids to shut up, or indeed anyone, he just has to make the best of it.

and again i've not seen aynthing to suggest the dad has made any unreasonable demands...just mentioned he would appreciate they take into consideration his working pattern. its not like he's been around every day moaning (well if he had the OP hasn't said)

and i'm trying hard not to <shrug> at the assumption he's only had the conversation in the first place because they have a child and hes leapt to a conclusion they'll be noisy and inconsiderate because of their family choices

who's to say he wouldn't have said exactly the same had the OP not been a single person?

Well, we'll have to disagree but I think going round someone's house as soon as they've moved in giving chapter and verse about your working patterns and expected noise levels is inherently unreasonable.

Anyway. Nearly midnight. Must get the washing machine and the thrash metal music cranked up ?

ETA and so many people seem to be so intolerant of kids, it's difficult NOT to make the assumption that people assume that all kids are noisy brats and that's why he came round in the first place. I'm fed up going out places with my son and people tut and roll their eyes as soon as they see the pushchair, assuming that he's going to make a racket.

Hah Mr R lanced it and squeezed out the pus for me! Who said married life isn't romantic ?

so to assume someone's child will be a noisy brat is out of order , but to assume that other people will assume that your child is a noisy brat is ok? huh? ?

my head is hurty ?

You are soooo grim!! ?