Funeral announcement ettiquette (sensitive)

My experience is likely to be similar to yours so I can't help on that front, but I'm sorry to hear your FiL has passed away. ? I hope you all are doing ok.

I wouldn't dream of asking for RSVPs for a funeral, but someone at work died last week and we've been asked to indicate whether we're going so the family know how many to expect, so maybe it's done more here.

I'd put parking before the donations bit.

Thanks Ladelley. Was expected, so although sad, it wasn't a shock as such. Yes, I'm firmly in the no RSVP camp as well, but SIL is a bit OTT at the best of times and so is keen for RSVPs as well as cocktail party stylee food (eek) rather than cups of tea and sandwiches. That's helpful to know you've had that experience, so maybe it's ok to pop a note about that on the bottom.

I would split the calls between a few of you.

Have those nearest & dearest been informed.

As for catering - unless your planning on a big knees up afterwards, I would go for 3/4 of those who will tell you on the phone if they are going to attend.

They will find parking - or you can place a slip in the OofS with details.

At my Dad's , on the back of the OofS we just put, we would like to invite you back home for drinks in memory of JFK. & at the bottom we just put with love from Wife, Me, Sister, Uncle, Nana.

Hi Sugamouse,

I am sorry for your loss.

I don't know if this will help, but usually in our family or amongst friends, we would contact one or two people and ask them to spread the word also if there is time an announcement in the newspaper. Or if you want to take advantage of anyone who says to you can they help in any way, ask them to make the 'phone calls for you.

I hope it goes well.

Thanks for the replies. That's really helpful. I'll suggest it to them all as getting a few people to phone around might be easier. Depends how SIL takes the idea in theory, as she's almost in wedding planning mode at the moment and it's a struggle to get her to tone down her ideas.

Sorry to hear of your loss Sugarmouse ?

Personally IMO I wouldnt send an email or letters. I would get people to phone around and pass the details on, also put an insertion in the local paper for a few nights. This is what we done when mummy died in November.

Also remember that not a lot of people go afterwards for 'tea & sandwiches' as would be at the service. We catered for 50 people at mummys even though the church was packed and that was just a nice amount of food for the people who stayed afterwards.

I would say your SIL seems to be in a bit of shock/grief (obv) at the moment and this is her way of dealing with it?

HTH ?

Thanks starstruck that's really helpful, as it looks like a written notice is what we'll have to do, as people are coming from all over the place apparently and so will need directions and parking info etc.

It's difficult to know what to say to a small child isn't it. R is only 2 so not really aware of what's happening and I'm not sure how she'll go at the service...

Yes light relief will certainly be provided on the day, whether wanted or not. Who's that man, what's he saying, what's that noise, why is grandma crying, that's a candle etc... I can hear her little voice already. Good idea re taking books etc. I think we'll find a sticker one to take along and keep her busy.

I agree with you re children knowing about death, and that they should be told and involved, specially when it's a close famiily member. But I think we might stay at the back of the gathering for the burial bit as I think that might give her nightmares.