Funny wedding poems/readings

I looked for the same thing and the only one I could find that I liked was Yes I Will Marry You by Pam Ayres. OH and I have adapted some of the words to fit us more exactly. It is quite difficult to find readings that are not sentimental or soppy.

Now i found a good one when i was looking for some to read at a pals wedding and cant for the life of me remember...i will go hit google now and report back.

I found a good one for a child to read will have a look and see if I can find it

Here you go

WEDDINGS

If you go to a wedding, here’s what it means

No one wears trainers and no one wears jeans

Your best new clothes are all that you wear

And everyone in your whole family is there

Even some cousins that you’ve never known

And the grown-ups all say “Oh, how much you have grown!”

So everyone’s sitting in one big room

(except Sally and Richard, the bridge and groom)

Then all of a sudden things quieten down

And music starts playing and people turn round

And really slowly, Sally walks in

And she’s prettier now than she’s ever been.

She’s a bridge and she’s really great looking today

(when normally she looks just kind of okay)

She walks in and stands with her dad for a while

As Richard her boyfriend, awaits in the aisle

His hair is all combed and he’s wearing a tie

And then Sally’s mum starts to sniffle and cry.

And now it comes time for the “get-married” part

The Registrar says that we’re ready to start

So she talks and she talks about serious things

Then their friend Chris steps up holding two rings

He gives one to the groom and the other to the bride

Then his girlfriend, Janaki pulls him aside.

Then Sally and Richard kind of look at each other

And another big sniffle comes from Sally’s mother

And Sally and Richard put on the wedding rings

And they talk and they promise each other some things

They promise that they’ll love each other a lot

And help one another no matter what

And be with each other the rest of their life

Then the Registrar says “Now you are husband and wife”.

Then everyone’s in such a big happy mood

And you go to a party with very much food

Where you dance with some grown-ups and drink some wine

And then do a conga-dance in one long line

‘till Sally and Richard drive off in a car

and everyone’s thinking how happy they are

So we all yell goodbye and throw handfuls of rice

Then the whole thing is over. Weddings are nice

That's a nice one Frizzball. I'll be watching this thread, because I want to to keep it light and realistic because that's what I believe keeps you sane in a marriage. (i'll let you know if it works!)

I absolutely ❤️LOVE❤️ that poem Frizzball!!!!

(Trots off to ask her 10 year old if she would read it at Mummy & Daddy's wedding.............(

Im sitting here with my 10yr old asking her the same thing GEMINIBEBE.....LOL

Xx

Hmm i do like this one but i dont think our 8 year old would want to in front of 160 people, its a big ask, but any more keep them coming......i really thought i would find loads on google but seem's not.

THATS THE ONE I WAS AFTER!!! oh that and another i still cant find.

however she is NOT A BRIDGE!! its a bride....the website spells it wrong. So please dont have your reader refer to you as a BRIDGE!

haha i noticed this too, can just see some child reading this and everyone looking thinking bridge?

What did your daughter say?

Well, at first mine said no way!! But then my 6 year old chirped up and said she 'Really want to do it mummy pleeeeeaaaseeee'!! So she had a go at reading it out, think we will be having meals on wheels for our Wedding Breakfast by the time she finishes it, bless her heart!! ?

X

Not sure if thsi is the kind of thing you are after but it made me laugh the first time i read it

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us.
But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong.
Why is this?
Because you yourself are wrong in some way,
and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way.
But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness.
It isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems – the ones that make you truly who you are – that you’re ready to find a life-long mate.
Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person.
But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person – someone you lovingly gaze upon and think,
“This is the problem I want to have.”

Pahhh Tinks!!!! WTF is that all about lol!!

I love that one Sange, similar to the one I am having

Yes, I'll marry you, my dear,
And here's the reason why;
So I can push you out of bed
When the baby starts to cry,
And if we hear a knocking
And it's creepy and it's late,
I hand you the torch you see,
And you investigate.

Yes I'll marry you, my dear,
You may not apprehend it,
But when the tumble-drier goes
It's you that has to mend it,
You have to face the neighbour
Should our labrador attack him,
And if a drunkard fondles me
It's you that has to whack him.

Yes, I'll marry you,
You're virile and you're lean,
My house is like a pigsty
You can help to keep it clean.
That sexy little dinner
Which you served by candlelight,
As I do chipolatas,
You can cook it every night!

It's you who has to work the drill
and put up curtain track,
And when I've got PMT it's you who gets the flak,
I do see great advantages,
But none of them for you,
And so before you see the light,
I do, I do, I do!

We're having this reading, I love it x

Work is such a betterplace now i have hitched, im sat here giggling away! I wasnt goiung to do a speach but im tempted to read one of these now, just not sure i could do it without crying my eyes out thou! Id love a child to read that kids one but my little boy is 3 si i dont fancie my chances! Im sorry i havnt got a contribution to this just loving the thread!

Me too Sinead - no contributions but I'm sat here giggling and welling up at the same time! They're so funny and lovely too and Tinks I LOVE that wrong person one - it's so true actually ?

I wish I had a 7 year old to read out that first one!

I'd love my step-daughter (2B) to read the kids one but her reading isn't the greatest, she's 11 but really struggles with her English. I don't think we've got the time to get her ready to read it in front of everyone as we only see her alternate weekends x

my daughter is really happy to have something to read out, even myother daughter who wernt going to read anything out, has asked if they can read this out together, should be fun watching them do it together....lol

I like this:

To Keep Your Marriage Brimming
Ogden Nash (****)

To keep your marriage brimming,

With love in the loving cup,

Whenever you're wrong admit it;

Whenever you're right shut up.

We had this one:

I Wanna Be Yours - John Cooper Clark

A light-hearted and humorous wedding reading.

let me be your vacuum cleaner breathing in your dust let me be your ford cortina i will never rust if you like your coffee hot let me be your coffee pot you call the shots i wanna be yours let me be your raincoat for those frequent rainy days let me be your dreamboat when you wanna sail away let me be your teddy bear take me with you anywhere i dont care i wanna be yours let me be your electric meter i will not run out let me be the electric heater you get cold without let me be your setting lotion hold your hair with deep devotion deep as the deep atlantic ocean thats how deep is my emotion deep deep deep deep deep deep i dont wanna be hers i wanna be yours

Some of these are so funny - keep them coming!

Dont know how to do the bounce thing just thought i would bounce it to see if there are any more

I am loving this post. Me and OH had a giggle reading these. I love that Pam Earyes one might put it in my shortlist x

I think this is funny but also quite mushy: