Getting beyond fed up with wedding guests...

I'm not really sure to advise to this PB, but I would be livid. You go out of your way to make life easy for people and they throw it back ion your face.

I would call them each individually and explain this to them.

So, I think £15 sounds like a fairly hefty contribution from them. Did you explain the cost before you booked it?

Also, where are you getting married?

You have gone out of your way to be accommodating, I would have no hesitation in saying 'ok no problem we will leave you to organise your own transport, see you there'. How guests get to your wedding should not be your issue and certainly not be made your problem.

If they are not willing to fork out the cost of a round of drinks for the bus, do you really want those kind of people there anyway?

How rubbish! I don't think £15 is much for a return journey to somewhere which is clearly not easy to get to without a car. Then again I'm from London so used to paying lots!! I think it's really bad that they didn't tell you this sooner before you went to the trouble of arranging transport for them. Hopefully it will all get sorted out soon.

I really feel for you hun! I know the same sort of thing would probably happen with OH's friends if we did a similar thing...so rude and annoying - they told you yes to paying the £15 and you relied on that when booking the coach and giving the deposit. It drives me mad when people do things like this - especially on your wedding! Do they not realise you have enough stress as it is?! *hugs*

Is there the possibility of having the company change to a smaller vehicle so you dont lose your deposit and the 5 people who want to still use that transport can do so? It's ridiculous as I doubt they'll find transport for £15 return to and from the wedding..

I would however spell it out to each of them how you've paid the deposit, and you're paying a sum towards the coach etc and let them know how their actions effect yours! It easier to say than do, I know, because I would find it hard, but you should not feel guilty for making it clear how they have caused problems - they should feel bad for causing them!

I personally don't consider £15 for a return journey a lot, I would pay more than that for a taxi home on a night out from town. That's besides the point though, as I know most of that group of our guests do pay over that as well for transport. It annoys me that they will pay upwards or more of £100 on drinks, cabs etc for a regular night out boozing, but for OHs wedding reception which has been booked well in advance they won't spare the £15 now it comes down to them actually paying their share.

Anyway regardless of their opinions on cost, we did explain fully and were very upfront about it. It was on all the invites, Best Man and OH have discussed it with them all and we said from the start that costs would be between £15-20 return journey. Everyone agreed. Once so many people confirmed they wanted it at that price we worked out costs based on that, then budgeted to cover a chunk of it ourselves to keep it as low as possible for them.

Our venue is Heaton House Farm near Macclesfield. Nearest towns are Leek or Macclesfield. Rushton Spencer is the next village and the B and Bs there have very few spaces left now, but I imagine if they don't want to spring £15 for a coach they certainly won't want to be forking out for a hotel.

Neither town is easy to get to from the venue as it really is out in the middle of nowhere, so a taxi to/from there will prob be about the same cost as our coach would have been for them all to go back home to Stockport, and anyway I doubt trains/buses will be running on a Sunday back to Stockport.

I can't really do anything about it, just hoping they work it out and turn up to celebrate with OH. We will still cater for them all and then at least if they do make travel arrangements we will have enough food.

The company don't do smaller seater coaches unfortunately, we have looked into smaller coaches with other companies but it seems like no other company is interested in taking our booking! Either way we lose our deposit with current company, but that is better than either a) asking the 5 remaining guests to pay more or b) us finding an extra £150-200ish to keep the booking. To be honest I have so much else to do, as does OH, that we can't spend any more time on chasing around sorting this out.

I think OH has made it clear they have let us and other guests down, and it is a shame but if they don't want to pay then that's that really.

How many miles is it from the area they live to venue of your wedding, PB?

No advice I am afraid but I do sympathise. I think people are just so reluctant to part with their money these days if it's "for" someone else. We have the same problem - we aren't providing transport but we are getting married in a rural location on a Sunday so public transport isn't an option and the nearest available hotel will be 15 mins away and definitely not walkable. We hae been trying to encourage people to book hotel rooms but OHs mates are leaving it to the last minute so I hate to think what will happen...

I think it is pretty stinky of them to do that. You don't need this stress and really £15 for them to get to and from your wedding is nothing. They could have a few less drinks while they are there and then I'm sure they could afford it. They have been really ungrateful when you think they can't be bothered to pay £15 when you have paid for their food and subsidised their trip.

I can understand why your OH feels like let down by their response, its never nice to admit that your friends haven't been good to you but at the end of the day don't let a few people get you down on your special day, you don't need them and their crap. You need to ask them straight up whether they are coming or not though, explain that you need to let the caterers know and how difficult it is to get to the venue and back and give them a date they need to respond to you by, maybe do it by text then its not as confrontational and then they might find it easier to back out if that is what they are planning. Have you got time to do that before the wedding?

xxx

All this over £15? really!? I dont think its much at all and would be more than happy to pay that for a return trip!

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WSS! £15 isn't that much in the scheme of things and they knew this upfront. They should have said way before now if they felt it was too much. Would you be able to get one of those small minibus thingys for the guests who are still wanting transport?

The thing that would bother me the most is that they agreed to it originally. If I was quoted £15 and I thought it was too much (which I don't) then I would simply say that, rather than agreeing to it and going back on it later. And you gave them notice to find the money, so surely they'd have known if they couldn't afford it, unless their circumstances changed dramatically (if they were made redundant or something) and I can't imagine this is the case for all of them.

No this hasn't been the case for any of them, they are just backing out. I don't get how 6 months ago £15 was OK and now all of a sudden it is too much. £15 per person is not much in the grand scheme of things considering the distance they have to travel (it is a 50 minute car journey from our hometown to the venue - we warned everyone and they all said no problem), and then when you add it all up it is obviously a hell of a lot for us to find ourselves, I just don't think they have thought about it in that way and even considered the alternatives of how to get themselves there and back.

The people who kindly offered car shares have it all worked out. I don't know if there might be an odd space for one or two of the coach-droppers out, but certainly not for all of them.

The remaining 5 who had paid up are looking into sharing a taxi although we have contacted many companies and none of them could take the booking for various reasons. I feel bad for them but am kind of washing my hands of it now. Luckily they are my mum's friends, adults, and are very understanding. The ones who have let us down are all OHs young, single, laddy football mates who we KNEW would not bother sorting themselves out with lifts etc so tried to make it as easy as possible for them.

We delegated this job to the best man, asked him if we could give his contact info on the invites, and informed everyone so they could book a place through him. In the end OH ended up getting all the quotes and sorting it with the lads. The best man did mention it to literally 3 of his and OHs mates. Him and our usher have so far been absolutely useless, the usher has gone totally off the radar and not responded to OHs calls in around 2 months, and the best man is young, doesn't drive, has a massive family crisis at the mo and is very unwilling to really get involved, even though these lads are all their mutual friends. They are OHs closest mates so he doesn't want to 'fire' them or anything or have a huff, he just took on the jobs and coach stuff himself.

OH has contacted them all, they all say they are definitely coming, but are just 'not sure how yet'. I think this translates as 'we will say we are coming but in the end won't turn up as it is too much effort.'

In hindsight I would have made it more formal and asked people to include a cheque and tick the box if they wanted a coach place, along with RSVP, but we wanted to see how much interest there was first in order to give our guests the lowest price possible rather than steaming ahead and charging loads per person on the off chance not many wanted it.

Actually come to think of it, in hindsight I would not have even mentioned it and let themselves sort it!

We went to a friends wedding at heaton house farm last year (lovely venue by the way) and we stayed at the nearest premier inn which was £60 for the night and it was a Sunday as well, taxi cost us £16 each way and so I would say wherever your guests are coming from they are getting a bargain!!

A lot of people that were at the wedding we went to camped on the grounds, I know there is a charge for this but as we didn't go for it I'm not sure how much, is this an option for any of them?

PB I really feel for you in the fact that they are messing about and don't think it's fair to do this to you and your oh when you have other things to do!it obviously also inconveniences your guests that have paid!

I personally don't think £15 return is bad I can pay more than that on a night out for a taxi home! We are going to a wedding tomorrow and bus is £5 per person return and it's literally only a 10-15 min journey so I think 15 is reasonable considering it's in a rural area!

Hope you get it sorted Hun

PB, I wasn't digging at you. When you work out what you save by paying the £15, it's a no-brainer. Just when you say to people 'Can you contribute to the coach?', they may have assumed more in the region of a fiver! But if you told them £15 and they agreed, they're being a bit mean now! However, five in a taxi will get you to Manchester for less than the coach cost?

I know you weren't FLTOMB, I agree it could sound a lot if we asked generally for a 'contribution' then landed £15 on them, but they knew a likely estimate of up to £20 upfront so it is quite frustrating they now suddenly can't find the money.

The five (now 3) sharing are heading out from near town centre to the venue in Macc so I am hoping they can find a good local company who will do it for roughly the same amount per person. The ones we contacted didn't want to take the work, I think with it being a long journey and out into a rural area, then you have to factor in a driver sitting there for 4-5 hours ready for return, or driving back with an empty cab and heading back up there again. Coach hire has that included which is why it is a higher cost but the taxi companies weren't so keen. Of the 5 guests, 2 have lifts sorted, the others seem happy to keep trying with minibus companies as they luckily understand we have too much else to do.

The absolute worst part of it is the cheek of the laddish mates now - they are all coming at OH bombarding him with messages trying to get him to sort out their lifts ?

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