Getting married on a Thursday - Desperately need you opinions!

Hi NorthernLights,

We're getting married next Thursday and (touchwood) haven't experienced any issue with people struggling to get time off. My uncle and his fiancee are/were teachers, although for different circumstances both have left the profession in last few months so got away with that one.

It's slightly different for us, in that as long as parents and siblings were there we didn't really mind who could/couldn't come, so just went ahead with the Thursday booking - it was 50% cheaper than the Friday, which in turn was 50% cheaper than the Saturday so we saved mega bucks.

If that date means something to you, then I would advise to go for that one. How far away do the aunts live? At the very worst case, could they come for the evening reception?

Hi

It really depends on the individual school/Local Authority. My OH isn't a teacher, but works in a school. When we got engaged he asked about time off and was told that he would not be allowed special leave for his own wedding. They said that it was his choice about what date to get married and if we booked it for a schoolday then he would have to take unpaid leave. My parents are teachers and when I got married the first time they were also told they would not get time off, so we had to move our Friday wedding to a Saturday. On the other hand, I know people who work in schools in other local authority areas and who have been able to get time off for family weddings.

My OH is a teacher and one of my BMs works in a school. I know when we have spoken about it that they both said it just wouldn't be possible unless it was unpaid leave but then they felt like it wouldn't go down well with their schools. Like others have said though it is down to the LA, some are more lenient than others.

If they have said they can't get the time off then I would be inclined to believe them, each school is different so they may be in a really strict place that you just can't/it's looked down on.

We looked at a few venues and quickly realized the cost difference in a weekday or a weekend, with the OH not having time off we quickly changed our minds to go with a village (literally costing 10% of anywhere else) and that it doesn't matter what day we booked.

I would say that if your heart is set on this place then work out if it's more important to have them there or move the date. Obviously, making sure that moving it isn't going to effect your budget. The other options are to look for somewhere else (which i hard when you've found somewhere you love) or talk to them and book it on a day they can't come and it might be that things change with them over time.

Hope you work it out!

Which only leaves a weekend wedding, which we just cant afford! Its about half the price to get married on a Thursday and there is no way in a million years we could get married on a weekend.

You've got your answer right there. If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Money doesn't magically appear on your doorstep or grow on trees. Also there's always a chance that people won't attend your wedding for various reasons, no matter the date.

Honestly, this is down to personal preference.

We were married on a Saturday so that the people we wanted to be there had the best chance to attend. However, we also didn't invite the "standard" family crew.

My sister is in the military and was told at one point that she was unlikely to be able to get leave to attend. I was so upset at the time, but she ended up getting permission to attend.

If you want that month and that venue and budgets don't allow for a Saturday then as previously said you have your answer. The aunties might not be able to come and even a few other people may not be allowed annual leave on that day for various reasons. However it's your wedding not theirs and they can join you in the evening. Unfortunately we don't have unlimited budgets to cater for everyone. If YOU and your OH can live with the fact that some people can't make it to the day then that's fine and it's nothing to do with OH parents etc. I don't think I would swop of o a cheaper venue or postpone my wedding to ease my budget into a Saturday wedding and some people may still be busy, n holiday or I'll on the day and not come anyway.

We're getting married on a Thursday but it's in the school holidays as there are a lot of teachers in the family and OH's mum is a TA. Nobody has made any comment about not being able to come because it's a Thursday but that doesn't really help if you want it in November when there are no school hols. Depending how far away the venue is the aunties could at least come for the evening? At the end of the day I think you just need to go for what you want and are able to afford and accept that no matter how much they want to it may simply not be possible for the aunties to come.

We are having this issue with our wedding too. We are getting married on a Saturday but OH's guests have to travel for the wedding. One of his ushers is a teacher and is not sure yet if he will be able to make it. His cousin also works in a school and has already said she won't be able to attend (although she is also saving for her own wedding so this could be a factor too). I don't have any friends who are teachers and OH never mentioned it, so we didn't think twice about booking our wedding in September. I remember having substitute teachers every now and then growing up so I was surprised to hear it's so difficult to get time off when you are able to put in your request so far in advance.

Supply teachers are intended to cover sick leave. Teachers and school staff already have the school holidays, so most LAs consider that there should be no need for them to take time off during term-time. (I shan't make any comment on the amount of "holiday" that my parents spent preparing for the new school term when I was growing up).

I think you need to book it with the mind set that if it's that Thursday, then those Auntie's won't be able to make it.

I am a teacher and I very much doubt I would be able to get a day off for a nephew/cousin's wedding. We are told to book hospital/doctor appointments outside of school hours (harder than you'd imagine when you add in the commute and that appointments are near to home). So I don't think I'd get time off for a wedding, I doubt I'd even get time off for my own wedding!

Sure, Aunties' schools may be different but don't expect it.

If it was me and I really wanted it for that Thursday- I would book it.

The aunties may or may not be able to make it - but that's how it is with the whole guest list and something you won't discover until RSVP stages.

Surely they could come to the evening reception and still enjoy the celebrations with you?

You could always have the ceremony about 3-4pm and then the aunties can still make it for the reception if the venue's not too far away. There's always some compromise to be made and I'm sure that since budget is such a large concern everyone will understand.

We have a few relatives and friends that are school teachers (my SIL for starters) so chose to have it on a saturday but we did have to pay an additional £1000 for the privilege. We also got married in Scotland and live in Essex so had a lot of people and my family travelling too so it just made much more sense for us. If you are happy that some people may not make it due to work commitments then it's your wedding day and your choice I'm sure most people would make the most effort possible to get there.

I'm a teacher and I ended up having to miss my xouson's wedding because she had it on a Friday! However, a different school I worked at allowed me to have the afternoon off to make a close friend's wedding (but only after I pointed out that is only be missing one lesson and that is already arranged for another teacher to cover it plus all my duties). It genuinely is difficult - unless it's a funeral or illness (much more than a cold) most teachers I know just simply would not take time off. Of course, I can't speak for every teacher in the country, but just be aware that your aunts might not be able to make it.

If you're set on that venue and have no budget for a weekend or school holiday (have you checked half term dates too?) then that's your answer - just go ahead aware that your aunts may not be there! As someone above pointed out, however, if it's nearby they can attend the evening!