Getting married without your parents

Do your have grandparents or other family members to involve? My oh mum died when he was 15 & his dad is not on the scene. His grandparents will be in their place. We have worded invites as we are hosting because my parents are divorced. And the ladies on here will have plenty of Ideas of how you can remember your parents.

Not in a similar situation but i have seen memory tables to incorporate those who can't be with us on our special days, as my grandmother recently passed away! They have candles, photos and other momentos that mean something! I'm also having a broach of hers in my bouquetbas a wee memory! It will be difficult but remember u will have 2 special people watching over your day x

Hi Miss Amy,

Welcome aboard! Now you have started posting you can become completely obsessive about Hitched and just give up the rest of your life like moi!

I am sorry to hear about your Mum and Dad, but wow, how incredibly brave and wonderful are you! You have found yourself a great man who loves you so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and now you are planning a gorgeous wedding! There are not many 27 year olds around who have had to go through what you have, and have come out the other side with a wonderful future ahead of them!

You are clearly a very strong young woman. Just think how much those around you (and in accordance with my beliefs, those above us looking down! ;-) must watch you with so much admiration and pride.

I think now is the perfect time for you to show all of those around you just what you are made of, and how even though things have been tough for you, that you have come out the other side. You can plan a wedding and all of your family and friends will love and respect you even more.

I am certain that the day will be full of emotions and you are not the only bride planning her day with loved ones watching from above rather than the front row, and of course there will be emotional and special moments but I think if you plan it now you can make sure that the emotional moments are all happy ones and that you feel you have recognised those missing loved ones in the right way. use this as a chance to really do them proud and think how much they would love everthing you are planning - because I am sure that they are!

I am sending stupendously big bear-hugs your way. Keep your chin up - you have come so far - take your chance to really shine! :-) :-)

Hi HannyNanny, unfortunately all my grandparents have also passed away, but my aunt and uncle will be there. We are not close, but they are still special to me.

Hi Pinkfairy1,

Thank you for sharing the idea of a memory table. I think it sounds lovely and will definitely tell my other half about it when he gets home from work and I'm sure he will find it a good idea too.

Hi Havecreditwillwed,

Thank you for your reply, you sound like a lovely person! You even made me tear up a bit, but in a good way. I'm not a religious person myself, but I do believe that my parents (and other family members who have passed away) are still with me in one way or another.

Hugs back

My future parents in law are both no longer alive so we've tried to do things to remember them e.g photo of them on their wedding day. He is very sad they won't be there but knowing how happy they would both be (we've been together since we were teenagers and his Dad always wanted us to get married). That thought I think is getting him through it all. Plus we did our invites as 'x and x with their families would like to invite...' so it wasn't unbalanced. We're also getting rid of traditions to suit us so no sides, people sit wherever, night before we're going out with family and friends so it is one big celebration. Morning of the wedding we're making sure our friends are with him so he'll be kept busy.

Just how we're doing it to suit him. We have found initially few suppliers said and what are we doing for mother/father of the groom' (florists, venue etc) but as we were prepared, I was already ready to say they aren't with us and that kept it simpler for him.

Good luck, it is such a very exciting time for you. Make sure you let your friends/family know how you feel so you can talk to them and they know how to help. My partner has found focusing on all of the people that love him who will be there has really helped get him through xxx

Hi Miss Amy, I'm in exactly the same boat I lost my Dad this year, and my Mum in 2008 and I'm 26. I find it's hard for Bride's of our age on this subject as suppliers and everyone just assumes our parents would be alive unlike an older Bride where they might not say things like and what will the mother of the bride be wearing etc.

I was also feeling very up and down I'm not going to have a memory table as I think photos would just make me cry on the day but I lost both of my parents to cancer so as wedding gifts for the bridesmaids and usehrs etc we will be making a donation to cancer research and they'll get this pretty swallow pin https://shop.cancerresearchuk.org/charity-wedding-favours

My OH's parents have been very good and understanding on the subject and have said they would be fine with it just being us and the bridesmaids and his two best men on the top table. Do you have any jewellery of your mum's that you can wear on your wedding day, that's what I'll be doing to make me feel that my Mum is there.

Anyway I won't totally hog this thread but if you ever want to PM me if you're feeling down in the dumps or just want to unload about some assuptious supplier making you feel sad then please do. Ultimately my look on it is that it will never be the perfect day as they won't be there but it'll be a great party as that's what they would have wanted.

Hi RockabillyBaker,

I might have to take you up on the offer of PMing you. I have been thinking about making a donation as my mum died of cancer and my dad from a heart attack, as both have two great charities supporting those conditions.

So far I've only booked a venue, and found that they haven't been great so far as I emailed in advance to mention it and they still mentioned it on the viewing. Obviously all the paperwork from the registrar mentions the parents of the bride, but I guess that is just standardised. I won't be having a top table as I don't want to draw attention to them not being there. You might be right about the memory table as a wedding is an emotional day anyway and having such a big trigger might just be painful, but I do think it's a sweet idea.

My fiancé and his family are lovely. Sadly his parents live in Poland and my Polish is basically non-existent.

Bless you all who have lost your parents' so young.

Neither my mum or dad nor my H2B's mum and dad are with us (but we're 51 and 48). I'm walking down the aisle by myself, as it would have been my dad's place to be with me and, if I leave a space then he is with me.

We're having their wedding pictures in two frames on a side table, with my bouquet in front.

xx

My mom will be coming to the wedding but we are not super close and I dont get along with my father anymore, which is really rough because at one point I was daddies girl. However that being said, my mom and brother (and his wife and kids) will be the only people family or friends with me that day. I am also finding it really rough and I cry at shows when it shows the family etc. I havent even gone dress shopping (and I LOVE to shop). I think because I have no close friends attending and my mom is too far away to come shopping, that I am just not going to have a good feeling that day.

While your situation is a lot tougher try to just remember what the day is about and how happy they would be for you. Maybe try a few ideas to incorporate them in. One idea I love is putting their picture in a locket and attaching it to your bouquet so that way they are "walking you down the aisle". It may also be a good idea to scoop out your venue and find a quiet spot you can go to if you need to collect yourself at any point. At the end of the day if something makes you reflect on them and a few tears are shed Im sure your guests will understand and feel for you

I'm very lucky enough to have both my parents and can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling.

i know you've booked your date, but could you consider getting married abroad...not in a 'running away' sense, but it may make it a bit easier for you. Or maybe have a small registry office wedding with a couple of friends as witnesses, then an informal party. Obviously if that's not what you want, then fair enough but I was just thinking along the lines of having something a little 'less 'traditional' may make it easier.

PS I'm originally from Langley, just near Datchet, so know the area well ?

Hi AmyV, congrats on booking your venue.

I am so sorry about your parents. I have lost my mum and that is hard enough, so I think you are being amazingly brave and should be proud of yourself. Getting married intensifies those emotions doesn't it.

As for ways of remembering. I don't know if this is any use to you but I am having her picture in a locket in my bouquet and having daffodils as our centrepieces as they were her favourite flowers. Would like a memory table to remember her, my grandmothers and OH's grandma but don't know if I want pictures on there yet and whether it will make us happy or sad.

I originally wanted to do a speech and say thank you to her but I don't think on the day I could do it. So I will have a moment to myself just before we leave for the ceremony and say thank you to her.

I know people mean when some suppliers aren't sensitive to the fact that some people don't have either or both parents. Had same thing happen to me, supplier was harping on about MOB role and I didn't want to make him feel bad by telling him as he is a lovely bloke and he wasn't to know. OH is gonna have a word before we see him next.

Don't feel like you HAVE to step up other family members importance on the day if you are not close to them. Your OH and friends can be family too, do whatever you feel comfortable with.

You will be so so happy on the day that, of course you will have some emotional moments to remember your parents and wish they were there, but your happiness will balance this out and you will still have an amazing, happy day with those moments.

I really hope that helps and let us know if we can help in any other way.

I also totally agree with what HCWW said. She put into words perfectly.

Hi MissAmy

I too, cannot begin to imagine how you must feel. My mom is both my parents (dad skiddaddled when we were little) and apart from my siblings and children is the only family which I am lucky to have.

I think your idea of a donation is a lovely idea and if you are going with the memory table maybe you could put a small discreet collection box there too?

I think your wedding will be beautiful and I think your parents would be so proud, you sound like such a level headed and strong person.

I hope you have the most fantastic day x

Hi Amy, congrats & welcome to hitched. I'm sorry to hear about your parents - as everyone else has said, you're amazingly brave! I lost my Dad 18 months ago and, to remember him on our wedding day, I got a small locket and put his pic in & attached to my brooch bouquet. Perhaps you could do something similar and put in a pic of both of them?

Hi Amy,

My Dad has passed away and our wedding will be the weekend after the 2 year anniversary.

I have found with suppliers that I have got in first before they start asking the questions. I find i get less upset if I tell people on my own terms as then I don't get flustered by questions and upset. I had thought about a memory table or a photo but decided I would find it too upsetting so we are having our favours from the lung foundation in memory of my Dad, my bouquet is going to put on his grave afterwards and in the order of day we have put in a few words about remembering people who are no-longer with us to share our special day.

I also have a very busy morning as I am going to do a run first thing so it means a very tight schedule for getting ready which means that while I know that I will get upset on the morning that my dad is not with us I wont be sat around for ages dwelling on it as there will not be enough time.

My OH is going to mention my Dad in his speech and going to invite everyone on the dance floor after our first dance to dance to one of my Dads favourite songs kind of instead of the daughter dad dance.

I do feel v sad that he wont be there so I can understand what you are going through I also tired to avoid standardised to do lists where I could.

Big hugs xxxx

Hi everyone,

Just a quick update:

I'VE GOT MY DRESS! (well I found one and I'll need to have a fitting in four months and then alterations, but you get the point)

❤️

I went with my aunt and uncle, who very kindly offered to pay for my dress, to this lovely dress shop (Bride to Be in Reading) and I had looked around online but I wanted to go into the first shop with an open mind so that I didn't fall in love with a dress that was over budget or didn't suit me. I'm only just over 5ft so I was showed around a bit and then tried on a few dresses. Some of them were so pretty, but I just didn't feel a connection if that makes any sense.

Then came the 7th dress... I put it on and while it was being done up I started to feel really emotional (I always watch 'Say yes to the dress' on Youtube and always thought it was silly and so American that they all cry when they find there dress). I walked out and my aunt and uncle really loved it too

I don't know if I'm allowed to post a photo of the dress, but I will if I am. It's a Mori Lee 5174 (way over the original budget my aunt and uncle set, but after two minutes in the shop they said I could forget about the budget)