Gretna Green - The secret wedding.

Hey! Not the same situation as its not a secret wedding, but we're getting married in gretna in decemeber! We always wanted a small wedding thats why we're going over to Gretna! I dont know much about the place, Im from N.Ireland, but i'll help u any way I can! xx

Oh fab!! What venue are you being married at? ?

If you want to please everyone I would go to gretna and get married...go on your honey moon.

When you get back have 3 parties/gatherings to celebrate your love for eachother (you can even wear your weding outfits again!) If people love you, they'll want you to be happy...if they're not to start with then I'm sure they'll come round.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Sometimes people surprise you so it might be worth taking a risk!!

Thank you! Yes i know people will be fine eventually. I think I am just feeling a little blue about my father (who means the world to me) not walking my down the aisle...and my mum not being able to help me choose my dress etc....all the things we are supposed to do and share....

but then why have a big wedding when we do not want one? The parties thing it will be I think!!

xxx

Firstly , ? welcome to hitched , you have come to the right place for help & advise although , i guess you know it is ultimitley you & h2b's decision.

You have to go with what you want.

Honesty could be the best policy here, explain to everyone that you are finsing it hard to decide on the guest list and tell them that you are going gretna (you don;t have to tell them when) and that you will hold a get-to-gether when you get back to celebrate with everyone.

My cousin got married in St Lucia, it wasn't a secret but she arranged a reception for everyone to be there when they got back.

My friend got married at Gretna earlier this year. It wasnt a secret but it was a small intimate wedding for close family. I've seen the photo's and they're stunning. They got married at the water mill? Think thats what its called. She had a perfect day. Said they make it all so easy and stress free for you so she could really enjoy the fact she was marrying the man of her dreams!

You need to have whatever wedding is right for you. Just make sure you wont be regretting not having your dad to walk you down the aisle or your mum helping you get ready when you look back on it in a few years time. If you wont then as long as its your perfect day that should be enough for everyone else.

Stick to your guns.........when I was married first time round we were both going to keep it 100% secret......the nearer the day came we decided to tell our parents and ask if they wanted to be there.....it started to snowball and ended up a rushed half a proper wedding☹️......not nice.

My sis got married just as you are planning several years ago.....it didn't come as a surprise to any of us they got married as we all knew how much in love they were......everyone was just happy for them when they came back from honeymoon....even my Mum which really surprised all of us?.

You could get a video made and that way they could all get a chance to sob into their hankies[:'(]

What about arranging to have a blessing over in Australia? For example here, you can't get married outside but maybe in Oz you could have a blessing on the beach with some elements of a wedding eg dad walking you down the 'aisle', heartfelt words exchanged, readings from friends/family and reception to follow. That way you can include all of your family and could still include the important things to you although you've done the legal part here.

Maybe for h2b's side he would like to bring some best friends to Gretna? Or sisters? I'm sure they would keep it secret for you if you explain you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but that it'd be nice to have some friendly faces around.

Just my musings and ramblings, hope it all works out for you ?

I wanted a secret wedding, I suggested it just after he proposed, but H2B wanted us to tell everyone and then go off and get married without them. I decided if we told them, then we had to invite them or they would be hurt. So we're having a smallish (40) wedding and a bigger party in the evening.

I have never in my whole life sat and pondered about my wedding day (like many girls tell me they have) however I have really enjoyed the whole shopping for dresses etc... with Mum sis and BM. It feels like it's brought us closer together (I live over an hour away and seldom see them usually). So for that I'm glad we didn't have a secret wedding, although things have spiralled slightly and it is a little bigger than I planned.

My brother has a family dilema from his fiances side (divorce remarried don't get on etc...) and they still haven't decided what to do, so 2 years after they got engaged no date is set. I do feel for you as it's so hard when you want everyone to be there for your day and just be civil to one another. Can they definatley not be all together??

Go for it-my best friend had a secret wedding, her mum had been pressuring her to have the big white wedding but she decided to have just 8 of us (all friends, no family) it was the best wedding I've ever been to. She went home to tell her parents then next day (xmas eve!!), she was momentarily upset but soon got over it, theyve been married 12 years and are happy as larry.

I have no experience of 'secret' weddings, but I just wanted to give you my opinion on your situation.

If it was me, I'd literally go with my H2B and get married, and tell no-one about it until afterwards. That way, nobody can say that you were giving preference to either family by inviting some and not others.

Then, after you come back from honeymoon, let everyone know that you are married, and start to plan the celebrations with each seperate family as necessary.

As someone else said, you could still have your Dad give you away in a blessing if you wanted to do that in the future, it doesn't need to be straight away, just whenever you can do it, perhaps even for your first anniversary.

What is important here is that you and your H2B have the wedding that that you want, and will make you happy. Put yourselves first, and I'm sure that your friends and family will be so happy for you that you have got married that they will forget to be upset that they weren't invited!

Good Luck!

What is important is that you have the wedding you want. People will come round.

Hey sorry for the late reply! We're getting married in the old Blacksmiths shop. I cant wait...its only 3 months away!

Hi

I have some friends who had both been married before and she had a son. They had been friends for years and years and only after both were split did they get together. She has a big family, he is an only one but his father died suddenly. They didnt want a big do, and snuck away to Gretna Green with just her son, just the three of them. We all got texted after they had did it, and we were delighted for them. His mother was also delighted as she said she could not have faced a day like that without his father and that was the one person they thought would be upset!

If I was you, i would go with your initial thoughts and be together at Gretna and tell everyone after it. Then if you want to have a party or 3 different parties you can!

Sx

Thank you so much everyone for the opinions!

I think what we will do is...(to be run past my hunny tonight) We will go off just the 2 of us like planned and have a beautiful and romantic private day with lots of photos (already am super keen on one company) and DVD's for each family. Then on the way home from the honeymoon (we will fly from Edinburgh most likely then drive back down from there to Devon) we will drive via Wales and see the "Natural" parents of my man. We will then have a nightand out with his friends and family here and then when we go back to Ozzy land (he is immigrating) we will have a blessing and a party for my friends and family.

The most important thing to us is getting married and being together...it does not matter about everyone else. They will all survive and understand. My parents have my sister who will have a massive white wedding. I know I will not regret it as I really do not want a big wedding and never have.

I am so excited!!! I really can't wait!! So much so we are going out into Plymouth on Sunday to look at different types of wedding rings!

Thank you everyone and keep the thoughts comming!!

Oh so exciting! When you thinking of getting married then? xx

Hopefully July/August 2009. See how quick we can save the deposit etc and when can get time off work as just started a new job at the bank. Luckily my H2B works agency (with people with mental disabilities) so he can go on holiday when he likes.

I am soo soo excited!!!! ??

I can see exactly why you both want to do it and it does seem to make a lot of sense given your family situation.

My brother inlaw and his wife did exactly what you are going to do. They just dragged some tourists in and had them be their witnesses. We all knew they were going away for a week up in Scotland, but we never suspected they would get married while they were there!

I will be honest, his mum took it really badly, she phoned us up on a Sunday afternoon and was hysterical. She was crying so much that we could just make out the name Lee (his brothers name) and Scotland and for a minute there we all thought that there had been a terrible accident and I remember feeling sick to my stomach, until we finally managed to get out of her what had really happened and then we just wanted to congratulate them! But it took hours and hours for his mum to calm down lol.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, she eventually did calm down and I dragged her round their house the day they were due home and we totally decorated the outside with banners and balloons and then arranged a small party for that weekend where they both wore their wedding outfits.

I have always thought it was very romantic and it suited them and their circumstances at the time, his mum has still not really got over it even though though that happened 10 years ago!

That aside, I would still say go for it! I can't wait to hear more about your plans!

Welcome....

Ours wasn't a secret marriage but me and Mr SP got wed abroad, on our own. Caused a few sharp intakes of breath around the family when we first told people of our plans - my mum in particular took a LONG time to come round and I know my brother and some of our very close friends were gutted at first.

As it turns out, we had a full on second wedding/blessing which gave everyone the chance to take part in something identical to a normal wedding other than it was a humanist blessing where we repeated our vows as said to each other in Zanzibar. My dad gave me away - and I have to say I'm SO pleased we opted to do this - I think I would have really regretted it if we hadn't of done this. Walking down the aisle with my Dad was the most wonderful experience ...

Whilst we had the wedding of our dreams we also gave something back to our families and friends who, after all, are very special to us even with all their faults!!! So we had the best of both worlds, and the family and friends who were all very disappointed they weren't invited to our proper wedding had the most amazing day with us when we got back.

Be prepared for some quite extreme reactions tho' when you finally tell folk.....

Good luck with it all!!