Grim weddings

I don't have anything like that but I will be attending no less than five weddings this year so who knows what will happen?!?

I've never been a guest at a terrible wedding, but once we were out to dinner at a golf course, and there was a wedding going on there. The function room was across a courtyard at right angles to the restaurant, with tables in the courtyard, and guests were standing drinking out there. Anyway, a couple of people started fighting, and pushed a whole tableful of glasses over! Then more people came out and started kicking off while all the people in the restaurant watched in horror! When that was over you could see the bride standing crying in the middle of the empty dance floor with the disco still playing ?

I don't think we have been to a grim wedding. Either I am lucky, or I just have classy friends ?

I haven't, but my bf went to someone's wedding who was until that day quite a close friend..the bride slittered red wine all down the front of her wedding dress, publicly and grindingly snogged gay male friend and finished with a rather charming rant about how the groom was second choice etc. Niiiice. (wish I'd been there actually).

Hmmmmmm dare I mention my cousins wedding where the horses were pink and had their feet painted in pink glitter!

(They are now divorced ? )

Do you mean dressed in pink? Surely they didn't dye the horses pink ? Was your cousin Barbie?

I haven't been to any grim ceremonies (yet - SIL got engaged today to her on-off boyfriend of five miniutes though, so watch this space), but I did go to one which was lovely, but then the groom ran off with another woman on honeymoon ?

The grimmest thing I've seen at a wedding was a couple (guests) having sex in a corridor. It was at the town hall wedding I mentioned in my other post, hence why it was informal, I think. It really was grim and it was in one of those unbelievable movie star positions where he is up against the wall and she has her dress pulled up. Grimola city. It was like a car crash in a "are they... reallly... waaaah...." can't help but glance at them moments. The worst bit? They were married! ??

{whispers as this is far too personal for me to share but hey} ?

Not grim, more TMI and embarrassing. When I was with my ex, we were at a wedding (he was usher) and we slipped off to the beach (with the above rant, I should point out it a very quiet, dark and secluded bit) in the middle of the reception to {insert icon used on Emma Number's post} which was actually rather cool, in more ways than one as it was Scotland at night time. At one point, I managed to rip my dress and quite far up too. ? My friend was DJing and while the band was playing, he was hanging around outside and saw us waking back up to the hotel and he just looked at me with that "you have so not just had a walk on the beach" look. My ex had to go inside to get my jacket which was quite long (hey, it was the 90s ?) and I had to wear it for the rest of the night. Everyone else was taking layers off but no, not me, I had to dance in my jacket for the rest of the night. So many people tried to get me to take it off too and I was conviced people must have known why I was wearing it. ?

I went to a cracking grim wedding - it was H's ex. I really didn't want to go, but agreed to go, fade into the background and leave early.

What can I say?

• The bride did her own reading - a Pam Ayres poem
• The groom send bride a text the night before saying "are you sure you want to go through with it?" She got the raging hump and would not speak to him for the whole day.
• She didn't want her family on the top table as they'd all rowed, so she put us on the top table. Yes, I kid you not. Bride, groom (not speaking), ex of 10 years, ex's new GF and her son. Said family spent the whole time tutting about how inappropriate it was.
• Bride had a row with her Mum because Mum hadn't confirmed the disco and they were 5 mins late. Bride threw bouquet at mother in temper.
• The first dance was "All by myself.." (about being single?!)
• The bride told the disco only to play Abba songs, and then provided everyone with props to hold up, and glared at people she thought they might not do as she says. For example, we were issued with photocopied £20 notes to hold in the air for 'Money, Money, Money'

I don't feel bad about posting any of this because they split up a couple of years later and the bride and her mother told me several times, on several occasions, that they hoped the groom would commit suicide ?

?

That's brilliant Clairy, I'm particularly loving the props and you being on the top table, so funny! I don't mind Abba but c'mon! ?

We didn't have a reception really, so no dancing. If we had, I would have loved 'I Want To Break Free' by Queen as our first dance. It was "our" song and would have been worth it to look at all the faces.

We're not very soppy and really couldn't decide on a first dance. In the end we went for an Elton John song (not a very well known one) because H has always liked EJ but it wasn't anything that had any deep meaning to us really. However it was all such a rush we didn't even think to check the length of the track - it was about 8 minutes long ?

We ended up getting the giggles. I'd happily do without that bit if I could have the day again ?

Two in particular spring to mind - the first was when I was about 18 and it was my ex's Mum getting married. Ex didn't see his Mum often, always lived with dad ans step Mum so it was already a bit of an issue that we were going. We had over a hours drive soo arrivd at about 8.30am for a 9am ceremony no-one was anywhere near ready and half of them were plastered already drinking vodka! We left the house at 9.30 after photos of the bride in a particularly flattering cerise cocktail number with boob tube type top! *Bear in mind bride is getting on for 50!

Arrived at register office to a very stressed registrar who rushed them through as other couples were waiting! Then of course straight on to a pub, probably 10.30 by now and at the time I was veggie so had been sat next to the one other veggie and served half a nut roast each!! Never been so glad to leave a wedding!

Other one was a couple of friends of ex, she was very young, 17 I think, but ruled the roost. Very Lavish church ceremony, then on to a village hallfor a cold meat salad in November. Not knocking what they did to save money but it was freezing, hall had no heating either. In the evening tensions which had been brewing all day reached a head. Mainly between the brides family as her parents were divorced and there was a big thing about the top table. All of a sudden all hell broke loose, glassses were thrown, dj had his decks broken, bride in tears, husband nowhere to be seen and police storming in! I went home shortly after trying to console the bride who I barely knew beacause everyone else was ignoring her!

They divirced after a year, I am assuming she was to 'blame' as the story I heard was the husband destroyed one of every pair of shoes she owned!

Not a wedding I've been to but one I worked at.

About 9 years ago i worked in a lovely country pub that was a wedding reception venue - it had a mezzanine balcony running around the top that we used to serve the buffet on during the evening if there was a disco.

At one reception it went really well until the buffet was served. About an hour later the two families started fighting - screaming then proper fist fighting (including the bride!). They started throwing the food then ended by throwing the tables down onto the floor below

Very classy people

Oh go on...add more!

These are ? and/or ?

I went to a wedding once where the groom started drinking in the morning and didn't stop. At the reception his speech consisted of him standing up and slurring 'everyone get p1ssed and have a good time', he refused to do the first dance, told his inlaws to eff off, then hailed a cab at 10pm to go into town clubbing whilst trying to rally some mates to come with him.

They went on honeymoon but apparently didn't speak the whole 2 weeks, and split up 4 months later, which was quite sad really.

Yes, glitter feet - and pink head pieces on the horses with a cinderella carriage, I would post pics, but when I did previously I got flaaaaammmmmmmeed from here to kansas and back again, Lesson Learned There!

It was what the bride wanted and what she got, but sadly a year on they have separated which is v sad as I really thought they were *forever*

I didn't attend, but my parents did and I saw (have have copies of) the photos

Bride wanted it to be like Jordan's wedding

Everything bright pink

Dress bought from the Friday Ad, but not tried on till the day- was badly stained and the zip was broken which meant the bride was sewn into it.

The Hymns included

The Butterfly song, with actions. For those not familiar, one of the verses includes 'If I were a fuzzy wuzzy bear, I’d thank you Lord for my fuzzy, wuzzy hair'

The Mother of the bride, wore a backless dress with a big white sports bra underneath

Whist in the toilet my dad overheard the following conversation...

Friend of Groom: 'Where you goin' on honeymoon?

Groom: "Nowhere'

Friend of Groom: "Why not?

Groom: Won't give me passport back from the World cup

Friend of the Groom: "You could have booked somewhere in the UK

Groom: " Nah, got my bail i need to be at"

Friend of the Groom " Oh, is 'she' (The Bride) ok with all of that?

Groom " She doesn't know"

The Bride and Groom, got up halfway through the speeches because they needed a 'fag' they told people to carryon with the speeches without them, as they weren't that bothered.

During the best man's speech, he kept referring to how much charlie they had taken during the day- he wasn't joking and most of the men kept disappearing the loo throughout the reception.

The Buffet was . . . boxes of crisps (so boxes of crisps from cash and carry piled up) mainly prawn cocktail flavour (pink you see!) Boxes of sweets (again, cheap boxes of sweets from the cash and carry)

The Hot buffet was fish and chips- The mother of the bride had to go to the fish and chip shop to collect it. When it was ready, the carrier bags were left of the table with the fish and chips in them, people told to help themselves, nice proper ketchup available though!

There was so so much more, but that's all I can remember for now!

Will keep this short as net keeps crashing. The grimness of this wedding still has me laughing until I cry everytime I think of it.

First off, bride was late. Everyone thought she had done a runner. She turned up about 20 mins late, crying and unable to talk. She had already had a few drinks...it was 10:20 ish. After the service, they usual pictures were then taken, all very nice, going well. Then the husband and wife were due to go to a local park for more pictures alone. They were meant to go together in the car but husband left without the wife. He got there thinking she had forgotten so went to the reception (local cricket club). 2 hours later, the bride turns up. She had been waiting at the park the whole time. Cue them locking themselves in a room and yelling at each other while the rest of us got rather merry.

After a while, they came out, had made up and the world was declared good again.

For about an hour. They then told everyone they were getting devorced. The day carried on like this for a good few hours. The bride cut the cake herself then stormed off. The whole time this was going on, they both carried on drinking. a lot.

Eventually, at around 8pm, they joined the party, everything seemed to be ok. For reasons unknown, husband walks out again. Falls down a grassy hill. Wife follows, does the same. So now she has a ripped, grass stained dress with what we think was vodka orange down the front.

We didnt see the couple for the rest of the night. It turned out they slept at different hotels.

The local cricket club ended up having a small fire too and we all had to leave.

It was by far the oddest wedding I have ever been to and it was my brothers. The couple are still together and very happy (or so they say).

They dont remember much of the day.

We went to a wedding a few years ago where the groom was all in white ? His Mum had fallen on the hen night and had a broken nose and was trying to hide it with loads of thick make up and a pair of glasses. As the day went on the make up slid off to reveal a huge swollen purple nose. Their first dance was "I've had the time of my life" with dance routine. And then, they were serious clubbers, they had a famous DJ do an Old Skool set so all the neds in the place were up bouncing about. lots of people coming out of the loos sniffing. Mother of the brode steaming drunk and crying after a fight with her ex husband, the bride's father. Oh it was a class act.

I went with my ex to his cousins wedding......

The wedding was on his 21st birthday, his bride was 20 years older. His parents refused to attend so my Ex's parents stood up to the role of 'parents'

During the speeches a policewoman came in and tried to arrest the groom for driving without a license (true) then began STRIPPING!!!!!!!!! the bride had booked a stripper for her new husbands birthday treat ?? once the stripper had stripped (and I mean stripped everything) she then stripped the groom!!!! so we had a nude stripper and a nude groom!

Families with children were covering eyes, some left, it was truely shocking. I have somewhere a photo (over twenty years ago so not too hand atm) of the stripper and the bride, I must hunt it out!!

I have never seen anything like it at any wedding and had I not been there would not believe it could ever happen at a wedding!!!

Although twenty years on and they are still together.

The bride had a panic and refused to let anyone attend the service. We were basically all begged the night before not to go but to just meet them at the reception. v odd. A really close mate as well, but she always was odd.

She wore a dress that completely didn't fit her - just a ball gown thingy, but ghastly and completely at odds with the sort of wedding it was - so she changed into dirty baggy jeans and a fleece as soon as she got to the reception!!!!!!

They had planned that everyone would just sit on the grass with the buffet (?!) as there weren't any chairs etc, but since it was torrential rain, we were herded into a decorless church hall and basically stood there from 2-7pm with some nibbles (very very soggy ones)

Plenty to drink, but she'd forgotten to hire any glasses so we were passing round bottles of wine etc to swig from. Niiice.

Food was laid on in a really big shed. MAsses of actually really lovely food that you needed to sit down for, but no where to sit. Well, 1 garden table which people basically queued up to have a turn on to bolt their food, then ... return to the hall for more standing and swigging.

No music - not even a radio.... so eventually i was coerced into playing the crappy piano (crappily) that is until some drunken mare staggered over to give me a gobful about how i was trying to pull the bloke she fancied by showing off on the piano ... erm, that bloke you fancy is actually the groom, but yeah, ok. w'evah)

We WOULD have left, but we were in the world's most remote village on a mountain in wales - and were staying miles away. The only cab driver for 30 miles had gone to get his wife from an airport and couldn't start til 10pm.. so that's when people began fighting - over the 1 cab that would offer any salvation.

They're a lovely couple though. Bless 'em.

I have two stories, the first being my wedding, where a guest that I'd never met, she was a girlfriend of H's colleague, arrived in the evening got very drunk, stormed out a couple of times only to return again. Towards the end of the evening she went out through the fire door with her boyfriend argued with him and 'fell' down the stairs and cut her head open, only to be rushed off in an ambulance!

The very same couple got married about two years later and the bride got drunk and kept stealing the microphone off the singer they'd booked and shouting to all her work colleagues 'everybody just get pissed' . They also had an ambulance at their wedding, a guest was found outside passed out after drinking 'moonshine'!

Oh, and the bride was later found asleep under one of the tables. Classy.

My cousin's wedding. The church ceremony was fine until the signing of the register - to sing us through this brief interlude we had Peter Stringfellow's doppelganger, which was obviously intentional as he had donned the leather pants, white shirt, medallion and same hairstyle. He sang us through a version of something by Ronan Keating - I forget what as I may have blocked it out.

The reception was being held back at the house, in the garden. Unfortunately it had been raining in the days previously and the lawn was a little soggy, however they had still set out table and chairs in the garden for all. The chairs were like the plastic schoolchairs you get so of course as soon as you sat down the legs instantly sunk into the soggy lawn.

There was a buffet - served in the garage (which still had cars in - large garage). The 'cake' was best, they had gone for the individual miniture cakes / buns but chosen to go with homemade fairy cakes - the sort you get in a ready mix packet at the supermarket.

I suppose you had to be there... ?

Bless - I believe they're very happy though (and I'm possibly being extremely judgemental!)

12.30pm wedding Christmas EVE! I kid you not.

Church was freezing and far too big

Bride ripped off my colour scheme and flowers and was late

Best Woman's hair looked like she'd been pulled through a hedge backwards

MOB and MOG both wearing the same dead-flies-circling fascinator. MOG in a leather jacket. MOB in kinky boots

Humvee limo

Ice Sculptures - demmonic Father Christmas and snowman and swans with their necks in the shape of a heart

Arrive venue at 1.30. Mince Pies and ONE drink only. Photographer then takes 4 hours pfaffing about doing v.unimaginative family shots were one family member was substituted out for each one.

Buffet was supposed to be served at 5.30. imo, 12.30-5.30 is a long time to keep ppl hanging about on one mince pie.

Buffet was delayed due to MOB going home to feed dogs, so lineup was pushed back.

6.30 - everyone has gone through the lineup, and is seated. Despite having made people wait 6 hours since the beginning of the ceremony, they do the speeches first

And the Christmas presents for the kids

FOB mumbled incoherently for 5 mins before breaking down in tears.

3 cakes. One for him, one for her, one for them both. One is a log cabin scheme, one is a multi-layer snoman skiing theme. Neither of them ski.

75% of people ate and left. It's Christmas Eve, ffs.

Apparently her fireworks at midnight were lovely. I wouldn't know - I was home in bed waiting for Santa.

The worst wedding I ever went to was my sisters....

For some reason, she had invited far more people than they could afford to feed. The buffet was vile and so basic, it was like something from a childrens party.....egg sarnies, sausage rolls, soggy pizza slices and fairy cakes. There was only enough buffet for about half the people there so I ended up in the car park eating a bag of wotsits I found in the boot left over from my lunch earlier in the week. Most guests had buggered off to the local Maccy D's as there was nothing else near by.

The bride had a massive strop at me as I was supping at the bar when she was waiting to throw the bouquet ? She still hasn't forgiven me 9 years later.

The evening reception was even worse. They provided no food at all and as the children out numbered the adults by about 3:1, the disco was full of Bob the Builder so most people went home by 8 or 9pm.

I'm sure there was more but I've done my best to blank that horrific day out of my memory.

The only other bad experience was more recently at a friends wedding. I was in the loo and over heard two women (I think they were the grooms sisters) saying they can't believe the marriage had lasted 2 hours and then they made a bet with each other on how long it would last. The longest was 2 months. How sad.

Sadly my father's family are known town-wide for their grim antics at weddings (and funerals and christenings).

At one wedding their was a power cut so a lot of things had to be rushed, done by candlelight or scrapped altogether. Understandably the Bride was a bit upset so wasn't in a particularly forgiving mood. The Groom's very spoilt and jealous unmarried sister decided it was unsafe for her children to stay because it was cold (it was 7pm in June so not exactly baltic). She can't drive so insisted her father drive her home and her mother come too as they weren't sure of the way. Understandably the Groom was a bit annoyed his parents were leaving just for that so the sister slapped the Bride and announced to the room that no-one in the family liked her, that everyone thought it was f**king hilarious that their day was ruined and that the Groom's parents like the Bride so little they were goig home now. She ended up flashing her thong to everyone when she got into a scrap on the floor with the Bride's sister.

At my step-brother's wedding Celtic has just won the league so he and his Best Man added "and Martin O'Neil" to every thank you they made. He led his mates on singing (bigoted and vile) Celtic songs during the meal. They got even worse during the reception with him pretending to score a goal during the first dance so his new PIL walked out. Instead of stopping him he started to sing "we can see you sneaking out". His wife spent her wedding night with her sister and they argued so much on their honeymoon she came home a week early.

The last family wedding resulted in the bride's father and the groom scrapping on the dancefloor over the Dad overhearing the Groom telling his mate how he couldn't wait to get his new Mrs to the hotel. He ended up spending the night in A&E with a broken nose, split lip and concussion while his FIL spent the night in the cells.

I went to a fancy dress wedding a few weeks ago...

We (I say we, we didn't get a proper invitation, ours was emailed) received emails that asked for "contributions". Turns out, she did actually mean this - one of the first things she said when she arrived was having to go through the envelopes shortly to pay the DJ! The invitations were only evening ones, but starting at 4 - I naturally assumed that as for most evening dos it's "from" a certain time etc - however, fortunately a friend thought differently, so we duely turned up at just gone 4. Well it seemed the bride wanted to do the full on speeches, cake cutting (first eat of the chocolate fountain), so she did - with only about 15 people in a room that held well over 200 (less than 50 came in total)!

Her speech started with the immortal line "I know the FOB is supposed to do the speech, but since mine died 7 years ago, I think that would shock us all" - cue looks of horror on everyones faces.

There are some absolute CLASSICS on here and I'm thoroughly enjoying this thread. ?

The only really grim-ish wedding I went to was my SIL. They announced their engagement after ours but then got married six months before us and at the time I was quite annoyed about that but we decided it might be quite useful to see what they did and steal their good ideas ... or as it turned out learn what NOT to do at our own wedding!

H's Dad is not known for his generosity and so the whole thing was done a bit on the cheap. The Bride didn't get the dress she really loved but had to have the "second choice" because it was cheaper and the flowers were the "bare minimum" that could be got away with. Also no BM (so that was a saving then) and I know she was upset as she'd wanted a close friend from Uni. No hired or new suits for the G and BM - they were just wearing random suits they already had. No buttonholes for anyone in the family - we were all expected to get our own.

But it was the reception that was the cheapest and weirdest part of the day. It was held at a Caribbean-themed hotel set in a street comprising B&Bs and small hotels - and I have no idea why the Caribbean theme - neither the B or G are particularly well travelled! The whole hotel was really dingey and made of lots of interconnecting rooms - there wasn't a room large enough for all the guests at any one time.

There was a hot buffet of very strange Caribbean dishes laid out in a room and nowhere to sit - and there wasn't even enough food! My H and I didn't get fed and neither did an Uncle, Aunt and two cousins. The speeches were very ad-hoc in another dark room with people straining to hear from the corridor because we couldn't all fit in (standing!) in the room they'd chosen.

The wedding took place in March, it was a freezing cold day and it rained non-stop. And there was no evening reception or entertainment. The whole thing sort of tailed off by about 6pm.

It goes without saying that our own affair, in September that year, and paid for entirely by ourselves was fabulous. ?

The worst one I've ever been to was one of H's cousins. Before the wedding she'd told me loads of things about how much money she'd spent on her dress and how no expense was spared (nothing was too good for her wedding). Turns out they must have spent most of the budget on her dress!

They got married at 12pm the week before Xmas and the guests were taken to the reception (an old and dingy working mens club) by an old fashioned double decker bus. We got there at 1pm. The buffet was all set out in the room, which they'd done themselves. What we didn't know is that the buffet including cream, meats, etc had been set out at 8am before they'd got ready for the wedding. It was sat out in a heated room until 8pm when they finally let us eat (by this time the bar was sold out of crisps and peanuts).

Needless to say the buffet wasn't great and because it had been sat out all day nearly every single person from the wedding got food poisoning ?

The bride was talking to my mum about the wedding and said it was such a shame that a nasty virus had managed to go around all the wedding guests ?

To top it all off, the invitation said that transport was provided, when actually it was just transport to the reception, so we were left stranded and I had to call my mum to come and pick us up.

This thread is brilliant.

Never been to any grim ones, and maybe not quite as bad, but a couple of years ago my H's colleague at the time sent save the dates out for his wedding in 10 months' time. We received one inviting both of us. They came with a photocopied sheet showing a photo of the couple and saying no gift list (in a save the date!) - and I can't remember the exact wording, but something like "we are not having a gift list but we would like it if you would contribute to our honeymoon in the Maldives. Our travel agent reference is XXXX and you need to pay by <date>"

The wording just had me ?

That wasn't the end of it though - a couple of months later H was told sorry but having sent the save the dates to couples, OHs were no longer invited. Then an email was sent round to H and his colleagues reminding them not to forget that the deadline for paying into the honeymoon fund was the end of that month.

I wish I'd kept the email and the invite because the wording was just so rude it was funny! Incidentally, H left his job several months before the wedding, didn't go and didn't remember to contribute before the deadline ...

? Do you think they sent invoices to people who attended but didn't contribute by the "deadline"?

Isn't there an american website for wedding horror stories where things like this have actually been done? Will see if I can find it for those who have time to kill.