Groom’s outfit

If the groom wants to sort his and his ushers' outfits himself, then I think he should be left to get on with it. But it sounds as if your fiance could do with some help - maybe ask him if he would like your input?

I think it could help if you offer to talk it through with your fiance, given that you probably know most about the wedding, theme, colours, etc? Family usually mean well but don't have the additional context of the venue type, and general style you're going for and it might help to give him a sounding board.

With regards to matching - traditionally the entire Grooms party matches, however, what we're doing is just buying matching ties and pocket squares for both Dads. This way they can fit the colour theme and tie in with the wider wedding party, but they can wear a suit they already own or feel comfortable in. (We're buying suits and both Dads are retired so not in need of a new one). Groom and his brother are matching suits/ties, although Groom is having a waistcoat and Best Man isn't. Similar, but not identical.

If you wanted you could have groom, best man, etc in morning suits and your ushers/wider wedding party in a similar colour, with matching ties / bow ties / etc? When it comes to budget, I think if you're asking someone to buy/rent something they otherwise wouldn't, it's polite to cover some or all of the cost. But that's my personal opinion and circumstance (and I only have a small wedding party to dress!)

View quoted message Hi thanks, for taking the time to reply, yes I agree I think we should cover the costs for the best man and ushers. (I’m thinking the best man may actually already have a morning suit) I don’t think we expected either fathers to wear mornings suits but my FiL can be quite domineering and I think he feels he should if the groom is 🤷‍♀️


That’s fine except my stepdad may now feel he should wear one too and I’m torn if we should offer to cover the cost as it wasn’t in our budget (I really don’t expect him to wear one to walk me down the aisle) Do Fathers of the bride normally match the groom??!

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Some people go ALL IN with the matching, I've seen weddings where all the men (Bride's Dad, Groom, Groomsmen, Ringbearer) all wore matching suits. I've seen other weddings where the parents did their own thing. My MIL has picked out a lovely "off-cream" dress to wear to my wedding, family eh?!

I think if your FIL feels compelled to match he should perhaps foot his own bill. Maybe you can de-escalate with a "that's very kind of you to offer to match but it's completely up to you if you want to, it's very much optional - we're not setting a mandate for either Dad" kind of thing? Or offer to provide matching accessories to make it clear he's part of the wedding party? (I find with the parents it's more of a 'people have to know that I'm someone important here, not just a guest' thing more than anything else, but that's just my own experience).

View quoted message Yes I think you have hit the nail on the head. We are getting button holes for both fathers. I think I’m over thinking this 😂

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Easily done! Weddings tend to turn parents into a special kind of nuts. Keep telling yourself that it's your day and as long as the both of you are happy, everyone else will have to get over it or fall in line! (My Mum was SHOCKED we're not having hymns in our non-church, non-religious ceremony between two people who never go to church... )

View quoted message Oh don’t me started on hymns! I’m struggling to find ones that everyone will know without it turning into a year 6 assembly or the six nations!

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T S - If your mum gives you hassle, it might be worth pointing out that you CAN'T have religious music or readings at a civil ceremony!

Alex, I would suggest you and your fiance decide together what you want the wedding party to wear, and offer to pay for that. If parents decide they want to hire or buy something extra, then I'd say something like "Dad, we'd love you to wear a tie that matches the grooms and to have a buttonhole that coordinates with the bride's bouquet, but if you'd rather wear something else, that's fine." and leave it at that.

You can't actually control what people wear, so it's better just to express a preference and hope they listen. If they are caring, they will. If they don't care, then the more fuss you make, the more likely they are to insist on wearing their choice.

My bestie's horrible boyfriend (who only got invited to our wedding because I couldn't face telling her that he wasn't welcome) insisted on turning up in full morning dress, even though he knew it was a very small, informal wedding - he was more dressed up than the groom was. Sometimes, you just have to laugh and get on with life!

View quoted message Oh good grief, well unless someone turns up in a tuxedo we don’t have that to worry about!

View quoted message We are very lucky to have an amazing organist but I don’t think he would play along to a CD. It crossed my mind as I would in pro audio so the use of click tracks in musical theatre is something I’ve done 😂