Guest didn’t give a gift, should we say anything?

Congratulations! Hope married life has started well.
Not everyone who came to our wedding gave us a gift - we’ve just focused on the generosity of those who did (and did not send cards to those who didn’t give us anything). Only people who we think genuinely forgot are my brother and his wife (who are always crazy busy and bday presents etc are usually late!). My new father in law didn’t give us anything and we called him out on it but he ignored our text (and is known for being tight!)Id say that it really depends who the guest is but many people are struggling financially atm and they might just not have felt able to give anything - isn’t their presence at your wedding more important than anything else? After all, a wedding isn’t about the gifts. Good luck!

View quoted message Thanks Jane and yes married life is awesome!


As I said in my original message we didn’t invite people in order to receive a gift. That was never even a thought in our mind when we invited everyone. It’s just that this one person is (meant to be) a close friend of my wife and yet you’d never have known it. Not even a congratulations to either of us at any point on the day and not even a goodbye when she left. Yes she could have issues at home that she is dealing with but it was almost like she just didn’t want to be there celebrating with us - so even her presence on the day was a bit lacking as well really - we’ll just not send her a thank you card and leave it at that

Hi Dean,

Congratulations! I agree with Jane. Best not to say anything and just send a thank you card for attendance at your wedding. Like you said you invite guests to be with you at your wedding but not to receive gifts. Although I must say it's rude of them not to even to congratulate you and say goodbye.

View quoted message Id continue to focus on the good although that does sound odd and pretty rude. Maybe something to broach as more of a “is everything ok” rather than “where is our gift” conversation (not that you’d be that blunt but hopefully you get my drift).

I wouldn't mention the no gift to her but I agree with Lea and think you should still send a thank you card for her presence on the day.

We had a relative who didn't gift us but came and several people who didn't come and who we don't know (MIL cancer survivor friends) gift us quite generously. We sent relevant thank you cards to everyone but didn't day anything to the person who didnt gift us. People are funny and we don't know why they didn't gift us but we weren't gonna let it spoil what was a perfect day for us.

I wouldn’t mention it. Weddings are expensive for the couple and for those attending. If you weren’t expecting a gift then why say anything at all. If her behaviour was what you’re unhappy about then perhaps your wife (who is the close friend) can mention she felt something was off on the day and ask if the friend is alright. A couple of friends came to my wedding and didn’t give a gift, I’m just happy they came to celebrate with us.

View quoted message

I certainly wouldn't mention the lack of gift.

This person is supposed to be a close friend and yet didn't congratulate you or even seem like she wanted to be at the wedding?

Either she is not the close friend your wife thinks she is, or she is going through something major in her life that is affecting her ability to behave normally. Is this person really a close friend, (i.e. has she acted like one in the past). If she isn't, then your wife might want to rethink her definition of friendship and gradually fade this friendship in favour of some real ones. But if the 'close friend' has been a good mate until recently, that suggests she has something major going on in her life that she hasn't felt able to share - in which case, I'd suggest your wife give her a call to check how she is doing. Sometimes, we can be reluctant to share tough stuff with even close friends.