Guest list advice!

Oooh tricky. It's always so awkward when friends break up. To me, it's coming across very clear that he's definitely invited and so the call is on whether or not to chat with her about how appropriate it would be for her to still attend...

A few things I'd be thinking about here:

- Since the break up, how much do you see her? Does she still feel as close a friend? It could be potentially friendship destroying to un-invite her, so consider how important she is to you now she's not your friend's girlfriend. In the past I've been very close to some of my guy friend's girlfriends and then when they've broken up that friendship has naturally kind of fizzled anyway.

- How big is your wedding and how many other people would she know? Is there enough of a buffer that you could seat her well apart from her ex and are there enough people that she's friends with that would mean she wouldn't be alone if ex is avoiding her and you and FH are off doing your thing?

- Is there any way you could perhaps let her ex know that it sounds like she might be wanting to rekindle things at your wedding, and that as you're friends with her too you'd still like her to be there? If you think he'd be receptive to that conversation, perhaps he could shut down any notions she might have in advance of your wedding (which might make her decide to decline herself or at least hopefully avoid him on the day so that there wouldn't be any incidents).

- When you say it was a bad split, is this a case of people getting over emotional or was there some wrong doing? If, for example, she cheated on him or became emotionally/physically abusive or something trauma inducing then I think as he's one of your best friends and an usher then I'd be putting his feelings first and saying to her you feel it's best if she doesn't attend.

As hard as it is going to be I think you will need to ask them both if they are still attending. It may be she now declines as she was friend by proxy through him so I suspect she may not want to attend, but you cant really dis-invite her due to the split. If he is definatly coming still I would gently reach out to say to her you wanted to check in on how she is doing, and that you know she had accepted prior to her and X seperationg and you dont want to cause her further pain or upset, but for courtesey you want her to know X is still planing to attend and you wanted her to know and for her to decide if she still wants to attend as you dont want it to be akward for her, or you for that matter/ Word it that you fully understand if she doesnt want to attend but wanted to give her the choice knowing X will be there and it may be too difficult for her.

I am 99% sure she wont come but by putting it this way it is subliminaly dis-inviting her but letting her decide. If she says she is coming then you are going to hae to swallow it, but let X know and tell both of them you respect that decision and you want them there, but they are not to cause any drama or they will be asked to leave, i would then have a BM and Usher teed up to have that conversation with them on the day if anything does occur, you dont need to deal with that! Good Luck X

If he is in the wedding party, then presumably, the debate is over whether or not she should still come.

I don't think you can disinvite her (unless the breakup was due to her being unfaithful/violent etc). If she's already struggling to cope with the end of a relationship, the last thing she needs is to have her friends dump her from their wedding guest list. But I would call her to let her know that he is still going to be in the wedding party to make sure she is ok with still attending even though they have split up.

I would seat them far apart from each other at the reception and hopefully, they will both be mature enough to behave like grownups.

Honestly I'd do nothing other than check whether they are both coming/let them know that you'd completely understand if they don't want to as de-inviting someone is an obvious message you are taking sides. They are both grown ups if they are both really your friends there shouldn't be any drama on they day that affects you - and it's not your responsibility to manage their personal lives nor something you should be spending energy worrying about on your special day.