Guest list problems

I am inviting my step-nephews to the whole day, but their partners only to the evening. The reason being that we are limited to numbers, I have never met them and only want people to the day who actually mean something to me. They can come to the evening do but that is it. I have told my brother this and he is more than happy, if my nephews aren't then it's tough!! My attitude is that it is my day and I will have who I want there and that is it!!!

Hope it sorts itself out for you!

xx

Aw I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa ☹️

With mine though it's not so much about just having an easy life - we literally don't have the numbers to spare! Our limit is 80, we're already inviting 84 (including ourselves) and this includes the step-siblings only, not their partners. I'm assuming a few may say no, but if we do invite their partners, this takes us to 87! And as it is my parents who are paying for the reception, I'm not willing to go over just to please my future FIL!

If I am honest I would NEVER expect OH or me to be invited to a wedding without the other. Unless it was a really new relationship then I would always invite partners.

If numbers were tight I would only invite the couple to the evening, I would never split them. If I got an invite like this I am afraid I would turn it down.

I couldn't be at the more opposite end of the spectrum of opinions here! I don't really understand the 'slight'. If one of Boy's friends or family members invites him and not me, what's the issue? That they don't want me there as much as they want Boy there? Well, if I don't know them well enough that they invite me to their wedding, I can't really take umbrage with that. It's a fact.

OP, I wouldn't give in on it. But I know this isn't always the most appropriate response, as Bonnie's story demonstrates. I can confirm that you won't notice them on the day. Maybe you could spread your invitation sending, such that you have a clearer idea of numbers of declines before you choose to invite them? We did this.

Agree with Footlong. I see no problem with it at all. I often get invited to weddings without my husband - doesn't bother me a jot (or him).

Thanks everyone, to be honest if new wedding etiquette was to invite every single partner of every wedding guest, then I think the industry would've gone mad! If we were inviting every single partner, that would be at least another 10 - 12 people. I would never decline a wedding invitation because my h2b wasn't invited - the only time I would is if I wouldn't really know anyone else there. Only in this instance do I think it's appropriate to either invite both, or neither.

By the sounds of it h2b's dad is now listening to reason, but he's still adamant that we should only invite the step-siblings to the evening do, if their partners can't come to the day?! It's entirely up to my h2b as they're his family...

Weddings eh?! Unfortunately they bring out the worst in some people...

We're only having a small wedding. I didn't invite my best friends husband - to be blunt I just wanted her and not him. Plus when OH's sister got a boyfriend they asked if he could come along - I said no because it's our wedding and we only wanted close people, not strangers.

Even when three guests dropped out I didn't change my mind!

It seems harsh but it's our day - if I don't want someone there, then why should I

As my family is so huge and I have far too many cousins I decided that if cousins were not engaged or married then it was a single invite not a couple one. It is your day so you have who you want there. As it is we have already got 80 day guests and awaiting 36 RSVP's, which is potentially another 75 or so people, you have to be cruel to be fair on yourselves, or it could get out of hand (like mine has a little!) I agree with you, it isn't poor etiquette.

There's 3 of them - it's not like they'll be totally alone and know nobody.

We're running off to Greece to avoid inviting dodgy uncles so I feel your pain x

We're kind of having the same troubles with my cousins, they both have partners but I barely know them..met them maybe twice or 3 times.
I've decided to just invite both couples to the evening reception as I won't have just one to the day, and don't want any bad feeling or them just not turning up on the day.
In one way you'll barely notice them there but on the other hand you're paying for a meal for people you hardly know whilst trying to keep numbers to a minimum.
I'm inviting peoples partners if I know them both well and if not they can both come to evening, i'd just rather do this than cause any unwanted hassle.
Wedding planning is stressful enough, just do what you want and think is best and if they don't like it they don't have to come.

We've got loads of cases of one person invited to the day and their OH who we don't know/hardly know invited to to the evening and we've already made this clear when asking people to save the date and nobody seems to be worried yet. Me and my OH have both been invited to weddings without the other one and not bothered at all - just honoured to be invited at all to be honest!! Inviting to the evening is a nice compromise, in my opinion.

Haha, they would also know the following people:

- My h2b's dad, his two brothers and two sisters (yes there's already 5 of them excluding the 3 step-siblings) plus all their partners, so their step-siblings and partners

- My h2b's nan and step-grandad (so their dad and step-mum!)

- My h2b's two cousins on that side

- My h2b, his brother, sister and mum

So of course they would be fine, I still think it's really silly, but in fairness to h2b's dad, he's now said that he knows it's our day and we can do what we want...so h2b is going to invite the 3 step-siblings plus partners to the evening only. I'm sorry he can't have them there on the day as he does see his step-aunty and uncles as his 'real' relatives, but it's also good because he's going to have two friends who he really wants there instead. So all good ?

Thanks everyone for your advice, it's great to know I'm not the only one!

Aw, sorry to hear you're having a mini mare! To be honest, I don't think you should back down on the whole thing. It's your OH's Dad's step siblings and their partners - I could understand if it was your OH's Dad's partner, but it's his his three step siblings and their partners. It's a bit distant to me, especially for them to be calling the shots and wanting to be invited. I guarantee you, if it was the other way round and they had to invite every single distant relative's partner they would feel exactly the same. Especially if you haven't got the room and don't know them very well?

I suppose it just depends on who the person is.. Some people I know are easily offended and take it personally whereas some people just suck it up and get on with things! Hope it works itself out for you either way

My H2B has a huge family and all his cousins have other halves which would make the wedding and breakfast be over 110 guests and we just can't afford that ao we are inviting only the OH's that live with their partner/his relatives and are doing the same with mine.

If they're married or living together they're both invited, if its 'just' (and i use the term 'just' lightly) a bofriend/girlfriend then they are invited to the evening do where we can have up to 200 guests.

we want our wedding to be about us and what we want and with people we know. My H2B has been invtied to weddings without me and vice versa and it's never bothered us.

Good luck!