Guest Lists.

Hmm yes, that does sound like a bit of a tricky situation to be in. I understand your partners mums view, and obviously you don’t want to upset anyone. Ultimately though, I don’t think I’d be very happy inviting people out of obligation. Weddings are expensive, especially when you there are large numbers of guests involved and it’s a shame that you’re having to cut guests to make room for these other people. No advice unfortunately, other than I feel your pain! I think the guest list is one of the hardest things to get right without causing any upset on either side.

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It's so hard isn't it! I know obviously we have plenty of time to fully get a guest list together so things could change between now and then. Can I say I'm over wedding politics now and we only booked the wedding last month! haha

If it helps at all, me and my partner caved to my in-laws and their guest-list wants. I know everyone says “have the wedding you want” but sometimes it just isn’t feasible. I think you have to be realistic- yes you might not want those people there but is it worth upsetting your future in-laws and having to deal with the fall out every time there’s a wedding and you’re known the couple that didn’t invite all of the family. It’s different for everyone but I just wanted to stick up for any bride who’s had to compromise on their dream wedding because of wedding politics. It’s more common than wedding forums might have you think

View quoted message Yeah, its hard! Gotta keep everyone happy!
To be fair she said around half the people she wants inviting probably won't come, but she just thinks they should get an invite!
I think I'll send out invites early, and see who can't come so we can send a second round out!

Oh I do feel for you. Having gone through something similar not sure how practical it will be but we spoke to our parents and and offered them each 4-6 friends each. Which meant they had to make the cut and we explained the majority of our friends had plus ones so our list had to be shorter. They dint expect the chat but think they appreciated the honesty. Worth a shot.

Who is paying for the wedding? If your parents are contributing a large amount financially, then you can't really object to them having a big say in the guest list. But otherwise, you can make your own decisions.

I don't agree with inviting people you don't want to 'keep the peace' in families. To be honest, anyone who was going to get snarky with me long term over not receiving an invite is not the kind of person I'd want at my wedding anyway.

We only invited relatives with whom we had been in regular contact recently. I have a larger family than my OH, and I found that a surprising number of aunts and cousins who hadn't spoken to me in years suddenly got very chummy when we announced our engagement and rang up, fishing for an invite. But we kept our guest list to those relatives we actually see/communicate with the rest of the time. I've no idea whether or not we've been 'forgiven' by some for not inviting them, but since they hadn't communicated with us at all for years before the wedding, it doesn't make any difference to us either way.

Realistically, if your OH hasn't seen these people since childhood, it's not really going to impact you that much if they do get miffed over not being invited.

It’s a long while off but I’d say if parents are footing the bill they should be allowed extra invites - if you and your partner are footing the bill then you decide who you want at your wedding.

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Hi,

We're all putting equal amounts in for the wedding, so I understand that all parties involved will have a say but again I feel like we will end up having final say.

My partner has explained to his mum that he hasn't seen them since childhood so it's unlikely they would be offended at not being invited and if they are it's not like he ever see them, but his mum said it's not us that will get the backlash but her. At the end of the day there is going to have to be compromise as we only have 120 spaces at the evening reception and I have a much larger family than he does.

We're still waiting on my dads list of family (I have split parents) and we've already got 120 on the guest list, so somethings got to give somewhere

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I think this is what we might have to do, as we still haven't got my dads list of people and we're already at the limit of people we can have at the reception.

once we've got all three lists (spilt parents on my side) we'll just have to have a chat with them all and go through the lists together. We're all paying equal amounts so everyone has equal say in the matter, but I think it needs to be made clear that we only have space for 120 people so theres gonna have to be some compromise

Hi! I’ve had the same sort of thing with my parents and we’re also splitting the wedding costs with them so what we compromised to was that they got a certain number then anyone over that they had to pay for which wasn’t included in what we were splitting. This has working well for us and I personally don’t think family that you haven’t seen since you were kids are going to be offended for not being invited, wedding are meant to be special and you should have the people around you that are special to you as well not your parents don’t forget it is your day even if they are paying for some of it xx