Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on this.
My fiancé and I are have roughly finalised our wedding guest list, and as with many weddings, numbers and budget are tight. We’ve had to make some tough calls — even some extended family members are only invited to the evening, and we’ve kept plus-ones to a minimum (basically only long-term partners we both know).
It’s not even a small wedding, but he has a much larger family than me, I have more friends coming daytime to help balance the numbers. Basing it on relationships rather than family tree - don’t want distant second cousins there daytime just because they are family, when I don’t speak to them. Have made them evening and this has caused some drama with my parents (we are paying for the wedding, not them)
One of my bridesmaids’ mums is invited to the daytime with her partner. I’ve known her since I was little — she’s like a second mum to me — and I really want her there. However, at a recent party, she told me she and her partner might be splitting up, and asked if she could bring a friend instead if he can’t make it.
At the time I said I’d check with my fiancé and think it over, but honestly, the more I have, the more I feel it doesn’t really work. I’ve only met the friend once, we’re not close, and it feels awkward giving a daytime spot to someone we don’t know, when even close family and friends have had to make compromises.
My partner’s parents don’t have any friends invited, and neither do mine. We’ve been really consistent with this, and if her partner can’t come, it would make more sense to bump someone else from the evening to the day rather than give that seat to someone unfamiliar.
I messaged my friend (her daughter, also one of my bridesmaids) as kindly as I could to explain all this — just saying I hope her mum would still feel comfortable coming on her own, and that she’ll know some familiar faces. But if she’d rather come in the evening instead, we’d understand. I’ve also offered to make my friends brother a daytime guest to go with the mum, as he is currently an evening guest. I feel bad as I love her and she’s been so good to me over the years , has taken me on holiday etc.
She’s read it and hasn’t responded yet, which has made me feel a bit rubbish and anxious.
So yeah — would love to know what others would do in this situation. Do you think I’m being too rigid? Or is it fair to want to stick to the guest list we’ve worked so hard to balance? I just can’t imagine one of our parents asking who that is, and saying it’s her friend, when they don’t have friends coming - could be so awkward and cause a massive fight. But I’m now wondering if I have approached this wrong. Any advice welcome!
Thanks in advance!