Guests not turning up at your party...AIBU!!

Happy birthday ?

I'd be furious too, and actually v hurt.

Happy Birthday!

I would be absolutely fuming about the no shows, you are right to be annoyed!

(I haven't spoken to the 4 people who were no shows at my wedding for 2 years now)

WSS.

Id be very annoyed and hurt.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday regardless?

Thank you for your replies, one of the guests only spoke to me on the Friday afternoon! I am very interested to see what she has to say tomorrow when I see her!!

Two of the other guests work where I used to work and both did RSVP and spoke to my friend on weds saying that they would see her at the party...

The others all RSVP'd and I have had contact via text since they RSVP'd, so quite odd and yes upsetting too, i am cross too as I had limited numbers due to venue restrictions and cost, and thats 10 people that I could have filled with friends that would have turned up!!

Nothing stranger than folk!!

It was a good night, hard as you cant speak to as many people as you would like (well speak at length!!) and I did not sit down and only had two drinks as I kept putting them down, loosing them and not having time to drink!!

So no hangover! but had a few botttles of Champagne so will be opening them tonight!!

Poor you, hopefully it didn't spoil your evening though.

I had this at my 40th a few months ago - 4 of the no-shows being my brother and sister in law and their 2 children who left it to my mother in law to tell me they wouldn't be coming! Still, had a better evening without them!

Happy birthday to you?

? Happy Birthday. I feel your pain.

We have decided to have a party for our son's first birthday. On Saturday my mother in law announced that she has invited her sister and son (my H's aunt and cousin). We are not inviting aunts and uncles due to numbers and this woman has never even met him. Then my sister in law has replied saying she will come and visit us on the Sunday - erm the party is on the Saturday, we have plans for the Sunday. Grrr.

That takes the piss. Not to sound whingy, but I feel like people do this more and more nowadays - everything seems to be so casual. IMO, sending a text day of your fancy 40th party to say they're not coming would not be acceptable either. Texts and emails simply won't do in that scenario. A quick phonecall is the only polite way to handle it.

[boring anecdote]At our US wedding (so no ceremony, but still reception with meal and seating plan, etc.) an entire family of 4 didn't show up. They were people who were incredibly important to me, and I was so upset I held the meal back for 10 minutes while I called their house, then we didn't even do speeches because I was hoping they'd turn up and my speech was going to thank them. So a table of 8 had 4 people, 4 meals wasted, my mascara ran, was very upset and never got past it, TBH. They later said they'd "emailed" to cancel the week before. I sent them a card with a wedding photo, and actually wrote (in a niceish way) that I was upset they'd not shown and had really wanted them to share my evening, but I never heard from them again.... Their loss, I suppose.? [/boring anecdote]

Hope you enjoyed your evening anyway, and congrats on being 40!

This is one of the reasons I don't want a party for my 40th but want to run away and hide in a spa somewhere I hate being let down and really take it to heart which I know I should but I do.

I invited 10 friends out last year for a meal and 4 let me down about an hour before the meal!

Glad you had a good time anyway, happy birthday! ?

Happy Birthday!

No - not unreasonable at all. We had some that did this at our wedding and I was very annoyed.

I agree with Sairedy - I didn't have a 40th party last month either because I couldn't be bothered with the hassle/organisation/politics of having a "formal" party. H took me off to Gidleigh Park for the weekend which was utterly incredible and we had a fabulous dinner with his parents. When we got back we had a really informal curry/drinks on our local High St with only my absolutely closest friends who I knew wouldn't let me down. If I'd opened it up to old school friends or the theatre crowd or ex-workmates then I knew I'd be stood up by at least some of them and who wants that on their birthday?

Hope you still had a night to remember and you're enjoying being 40. It's the new 30 apparently! ?

I'd be really hurt too. ? Happy birthday!

We had three wedding guests who didn't come and I was so angry. We only had 20 guests so that's three sacred invitations that could have gone to other people. Two were my friend and his girlfriend who had an argument on the Thursday and actually made up on the day of our wedding (I knew they would, they were always falling out). Luckily he told us so we were able to cancel his hotel room for both nights (for which we were paying) but too late to invite anyone else. The other was H's cousin who couldn't be bothered to get up in time for the minibus (her words) on the Friday. She then promised she would make her own way up but actually switched her phone off so we couldn't contact her. She was doing a reading and had a seat at the top table, which sat empty. I was absolutely furious at her and haven't spoken to her since, other than when her granddad died last year. We worked out how much her not coming cost us and it came in at over £350. I've not spoken to my friend either partly because he was always so full of empty promises and bullsh!t so don't really want him as a friend but also because he made no further attempt to contact me after that day and sent no card/good wishes/the gift he'd told me he'd bought *(Kenwood smoothie maker).

*btw, I don't mean that I don't talk to him because he didn't send me a gift. ? Just that he said he had, so more bullsh!t!

I'd be hurt and very annoyed in your shoes. Someone rsvp'd to our wedding reception saying they were coming and didn't turn up, one couple let me know on the THursday they wouldn't be coming despite rsvp'ing that they would. My mum has severed all contact with the first person because of it, she was really put out about it.

If I reply to say i'm coming then i'm coming and I will always reply, it's courtesy but some people don't seem to understand that word.

I'd be furious and very hurt too.

I hope you had a happy birthday regardless of your selfish sods.

Sparklywug this sounds like me, I contacted a good friend the day before the wedding who said they couldn't come because there were no trains running which was a complete lie, haven't spoken to her since, she didnt' even send a card, I thought I had overreacted but so glad I know someone else did the same ?

I am not surprised you are miffed - I would be too. I think it's downright rude not to let someone know, particularly when you've gone to so much trouble. We had some 'no shows' at our wedding who didn't even bother to let us know they weren't coming, and didn't send a card or ever contact us again. This included the chap who had agreed to sort Mr GMT's hair for him. He was quite upset at their lack of consideration.

One of my friends came to me this morning with a bottle of wine, appologising for not turning up, she said she was too tired!!! and that she got in about 6 and was falling asleep on the settee and her H said she really needed to not go to a party... I would rather she had lied and said she was poorly!

No contact from the others, one of the guests is both an old friend ( 15yrs) and is now a professional colleague of somewhere I visit for work, we have a meeting on Thursday and I am very interested to hear her excuse...

Thank you for your replies, I am glad i am not over reacting as i feel I have lost some perspective as it was my party!!

No you're not BU. Some people seem to think this is Ok, and I have no idea why (bad upbringing?) I can't stand people who arrange to meet you then don't show up either. Whats that all about?

I'd go one of two ways- complete temper losing blow out, or complete cull.

Happy birthday x

I think it's incredibly rude. Sorry it happened to you Muffins, and Happy 40th ? You're officially part of the 40s kleek now! ?

Sadly we've had to decline a few invitations of late - one of which was last minute and I hated doing it. Had a valid excuse, but it didn't make it any easier. Also, Mr P is getting more and more less inclined to socialise at the weekends as he loves being at home, coupled with being very tired after a week at work, plus all our travelling and house moving, so I'm accepting fewer invites to things ☹️

I think I'm going to have to start going alone.

How bloody rude! I'd be fuming, personally, so no, YANBU

When Mr S and I got married, we had cancellations really short notice as well, one of which was H's auntie and family on his mum's side; up til the week before the wedding they were all saying "Oh yes, can't wait to go, really looking forward to it" etc, but then didn't go. And of course, didn't tell US, but told MIL who then took a few days to get back to us about it.

Raah..

Hope you had a good evening nonetheless, ? happy birthday!

xxx

You are really not being unreasonable at all! Happy Birthday btw

I've never spoken again to a pair of supposed friends who didn't turn up to our wedding, got a card when we got back to say that they went out for the day together and didn't think we'd miss them because they didn't know anyone else who was going anyway (totally untrue but even if it was surely knowing and introducing the bride and groom was enough!). They even left a message the morning of the wedding on our answering phone (which luckily I didn't get since I went from mum and dads) that would have been a hidious start to the day if I had recieved it! To say I was gutted is an understatement

Glad you had a good night anyway, good for you having an opportunity to speak to them about it!