Has anyone else had such trouble with family that they have lost all enthusiasm towards their wedding?

I feel very sorry for you but you made the classic mistake from the start: you are planning a wedding for everyone rather than a wedding for you.
If you want this to work you have to change that meaning 1. Book a venue you+ fiance like on a day you like 2. Send out invites and accept that you will never no matter what make 100% of people happy. The people who truly care about you will be there. 3. Stop asking opinions or changing plans for people, this will just add confusion and make it harder for people that want to come/try to accommodate you
Basically let them know where and when and fix the date. End of discussions/confusion
My wedding is in Scotland and I am german. There were some complains when I announced the location but my partner is Scottish and this is where our home is now. So I want to get married here. People can accept that or stay at home. It is my fiances and my day and should not be about anyone else. We have many family and friends that are excited to come and it will be great with people we love around us.I did not ask people of its convenient before booking for them as I know that it will never be for 100%. I made short list of people I can not do without(4= my parents, brother and closest friend) and they said they come. Every other friend or family member is considered a bonus. And I feel if I give them over a year notice then they will be there if they want to. Also dont feel like you have to invite all children. Again it's your day. It's not a family reunion but a wedding. I vote only who you want and can afford there. With a long notice time people can make arrangements for childcare(baby's excluded I guess) especially if not abroad, if you decide to fly abroad you will likely miss guests with younger kids. But that keeps costs down and guest list short. Tbh people dont really sound supportive to you and I would wonder why you even bother/ care to have them there with that attitude....Hope it works out for you

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Thank you for your reply! We realised pretty soon that we had made a mistake of asking people their opinion and even said this to people when we realised. We only asked once - re Italy, but it became a thing thereafter. It appeared everyone felt it ok to carrying on giving opinion's. I have tried to stay firm with our decision to not have children there but it appears to have caused a rift within the family, which is the last thing we wanted. We also do not have children and we get that thrown in our faces 'you wouldn't understand how hard it is to organise child care' or 'if you had children you would understand why we don't want to leave them behind'. I, like you, believe it is perfectly acceptable not to have children at a wedding, it is also not that difficult to arrange a sitter with over a years notice!

I care because all my OH wanted was his family there, I even told them this, yet they nor mine seem to show any support. Very frustrating.

I love your attitude towards your wedding - it sounds like a lovely day! Scotland is very beautiful too! I am so pleased that your nearest and dearest have said yes to celebrating with you - it will be a great day, I am sure.

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time with family.

Completely agree- the BEST advice I had was to just book and tell people the things that matter, as once it's committed people can't chip in their opinion (they may well moan behind your backs but they still can't do anything!)

It can be upsetting when people assume you're not doing your best to accommodate people (as I have had to remind my mum of this a lot that we ARE doing x, y and z to suit this person, that person, etc) but ultimately - it's true, the people that really care will be there with no fuss and if you try to please EVERYONE you won't have a day that makes you both happy.

Really hope it gets better and you can have some excitement soon xx

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Thanks for the advice, I wish we were given this to start with - we definitely made a rookie mistake Lol. I am sure it will work out in the end. Just a little disappointing as I really didn't imagine it would be like this. xx

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're such a lovely, thoughtful person and it's not been received well at all.
I say go for what you want to do.
Whilst I also got engaged August last year we went ahead and booked somewhere. I didn't ask for thoughts but I told people the date before invites etc. Wish I hadn't. I've had my auntie call several times causing me sleepless nights as she's making demands such as not sitting next to x and y family members and she wants this not that. I even booked her a room as it's an hour's away. She started booking rooms for people she wanted which defeated the point. Now lots of family members are attending as she's paid for them. I've just said don't speak to me until after the wedding. She's ruined it. I'm not having children or babies and have none of my own but like you said most of our friends and family have 2+ it gets SO expensive. Just plan your day as you want it and don't listen to them. Good luck! Xx

Wow I am shocked by this, it’s terrible behaviour by family members. I’ve only involved my parents with the venue choice so far as they are paying! But families can be strange -I’ve not involved his side at all as we live an hour away from his family and they are barely in our lives at all. I haven’t even met his sister and we’ve been together 6 years! She also made a comment that her husband wasn’t coming at all as he has to look after the dog! And she will only stay “a few hours” Seriously?! So yes some people have strange ideas. My fiancé wasn’t impressed as we had hoped she would help out with his mum as she is 86 and on her own.
I agree with the original reply that you need to book the day you and your partner want, if you take in other opinions then you will never be happy yourselves and you will be changing all the time. Book a venue and date you want and if they can’t or won’t make it then it’s tough I’m afraid. It’s not like it’s short notice for childcare. We are also not having any children except my two from a previous relationship and my sisters three children. That’s it. Everyone else can get childcare!
Good luck however you plan it.

I am so sorry you are having this experience, but not surprised. There's something about weddings that makes everyone feel they can get involved in decision making, whether or not they've been asked.

It would have been easier if you'd set boundaries from the beginning, but it's not too late to start. Sit down with your fiance & produce a list of the people you can't imagine getting married without. Then pick a date & a venue that works for YOU first and foremost, but that those people can also make. Once that is settled (and booked!) then tell everyone else who is invited.

And come up with a stock answer for those who complain, e.g. "We are so sorry you are unable to come to our wedding; we will catch up at some point after our honeymoon." No explanations, no apologies, no excuses, no discussion. Because there is nothing to discuss - either they come or they don't. (And you may be surprised by the response - it's amazing how many of the 'I'm not coming unless...' people change their minds when they realise that behaviour won't get them anywhere!)

To be honest, given the responses you've received from some of your 'loved ones', you might have a happier wedding without them anyway!

I’m currently going through exactly the same thing. Was planning on getting married in Florida pre-covid. Then because of covid we postponed and postponed. Now things are opening up I asked about may next year and my mum wasn’t comfortable, so I asked about October and she said yes. Then airlines released prices and I offered to get a few prices and that’s when I find our she now won’t get on a plane no matter if it’s tomorrow or five years from now. Other circumstances have changed like my brother and his wife are now expecting, so we figured we would have a wedding over here and then do something in Florida just us two when it’s safer. Except now people are moaning about how far away it is, the cost of accommodation at the venue and the fact the would have to stay in two separate hotels, my sister is moaning about bridesmaid dresses etc. I’ve had enough of being upset over this wedding so I told them if they don’t like it don’t come, but I’m not changing my plans to suit others anymore. I took away the option of having accommodation at the venue for them and told them to sort it themselves, and gave the contracted rooms to my friends and fiancé’s family. At some point you have to stop caring what other people think and remind yourself this is yours and your fiancé’s day, not there’s. if they care they will show up and if not, then you save money! Just book somewhere you’re happy with where you can have those that matter the most there, and others will figure it out if they want to come. And then maybe have a comittment ceremony abroad just you and your fiancé after like we are doing. I now no longer care if my uk wedding is ruined because our ceremony abroad is what means more to me and what I’m looking forward to!

View quoted message Hi everyone


Thank you all for your replies, it's great to have an outlet on here. The problem we had was we were only inviting 16 of our closest, it was these people that have made the whole process disappointing. Its quite a hard pill to swallow as I never thought in a million years people wouldn't be supportive... Lesson learnt!
I don't want to hold a grudge as life is too short, and all of your advice has been amazing. My partner and I sat down last night, stripped everything back and booked a venue this morning based on what we want and within our budge. We will send invites and who ever comes, comes. All I care about now is my partner and I getting married and I'm going to try my best to focus on that rather than any negative comments from others.
Thank you all so much! It has meant the world to have your support and wish you all the best for your special day ?

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Well done!

And even if it's just the two of you, you will have an amazing day.

Well done Vicky and congratulations

View quoted message Thank you so much! Xx

View quoted message Aw I really feel for you. And I hope you both have a lovely day surrounded by the people that matter and will celebrate your day with you!

View quoted message Good for you! Congratulations! 🥂