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Elizabeth
Beginner April 2025 Lothian & Borders

Have we done a Faux Pas?

Elizabeth, 16 October, 2024 at 09:36 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 1 2
Hello,

My partner and I are getting married early next year and when we broke the news we let some of our nearest and dearest know. In this group was a couple who have been “on the rocks” for some time to speak. Let’s call them Anna and Andy.

We broke the news and sent save the dates to Anna as really Anna is our closer friend of the two, Andy was introduced to us. They knew they were invited. In the meantime of the save the dates and formal invitations Anna and Andy broke up. Andy actually moved back to his home country in the meantime. We are having a small ceremony so figured instead of Andy a close family friend of my partner could be invited to the whole ceremony instead.
We sent the invitations but in that interim… Andy and Anna are seemingly back together, but haven’t really said so…. Anna doesn’t want to talk about it and we want to respect the boundaries. Andy is invited to the reception and drinks instead. Anna seems to be upset about this and has wanted the both of them at all parts and I think is upset we effectively “demoted” her ex-maybe-not partner. Apparently Andy had moved flights so he would be present for the marriage before the formal invitations.
Could we have dealt with the situation better? Am I wrong to be a little frustrated at the scenario?

2 replies

Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 28 October, 2024 at 10:23
  • Elizabeth
    Beginner April 2025 Lothian & Borders
    Elizabeth ·
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Poor you, what a tricky situation!

    It's always so tricky to know how to respond to a couple who split up before a wedding they were both invited to. With hindsight, I guess it might have been best to have discussed the situation with one or both of them before replacing Andy with the other guest, but it's totally understandable that you would be reluctant to talk to them about it, as it could so easily have ended up causing upset.

    I think all you can do now is to explain your misunderstanding of Andy's return to his home country and apologise for any upset that has been caused. Explain that you can't ditch your other guest in favour of Andy now, but that you would still love to see Andy at the evening reception and if any of your other guests should have to cancel then he will be the first person to be offered the daytime space.

    If they are reasonable people, hopefully they will be understanding - I think most people would assume that a couple who had separated to the extent of living in separate countries were fairly permanently split up, so I don't think you're to blame!

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