Have you or would you gate crash a wedding?

When I was growing up, half the village used to go to our local church to attend weddings!! I remember we would get dressed up and sit at the back to show our respects to the couple. When my sister married there a few years ago, there were locals who came to watch but she barely noticed them on her way out. I would go deffo x

In a way. When I was 15 and doing religious studies at school my friend and I sat in on a wedding for our project. I spoke to my local vicar and okayed it, we sat at the back and took a thankyou card for the bride and groom. You could do that!

Yes it's normal for parishioners to be able to attend, but this is more likely to happen when they know the bride and groom (even if it's only in passing).

Please don't take this the wrong way but I don't understand why you want to attend another wedding at your church? What are you hoping to learn from the experience? Every ceremony is going to be different. the bride and groom are going to be different etc.

If you just want to pop in to get an idea in respect of decoration you could turn up early and leave before the bride arrives?

I think it's a bit odd to attend a wedding just because you're going to get married in the same location and want some ideas. If you were a parishioner and vaguely knew the couple of someone in the wedding party I'd say go for it. I think this is a bit odd personally...

Thanks for the replies ladies

no offence taken at all halloweeny it's what I want to hear, honest opinions and I actually kinda agree with you, hence I'm asking the question I don't want an idea on decor or anything but on the actual service and the priest. When we to met Father David at this particular parish, it was during Holy Week (week before Easter) so all the crosses etc are covered. The lights were out, no flowers or anything. It was our first meeting with him, so we don't know him at all. This is not our church or our priest and the plan is to be married here, which is near our venue (already booked) but with our own parish priest, however this might not be possible as though both priests are in agreement, we are both different dioceses so I believe permission is needed from the cardinal. Anyway I suppose I want to see this priest, rather than anything. I understand every wedding is different but in my experience, it's who's doing the ceremony that makes the difference

Thanks again everyone xx

I agree with halloweeny, Sorry!

I don't see why anyone one mind if you pop in and watch from the back, I know I wouldn't if I was getting married in a church.

I can totally understand that you want to make sure you're happy with the priest and how he deals with weddings.

Personally I just wonder if it could be uncomfortable for you. I guess people may ask who you are or how you know the bride and groom etc? Not because they are checking but because they think you know them.

IMO weddings are quite personal and the people in attendance should be somehow part of the couple's life even if that's only in passing via their church.

You could always find out more about the priest by going to a Sunday service? Is it too far to do that?

My friend got her vicar to do the address at the church she got married in. That worked really well. I'm not sure she needed permission for that because the vicar in charge there agreed. I've also been to weddings where the whole service was lead by a vicar from a different parish. Obviously that was under CoE rules but I don't see why you wouldn't get permission from the cardinal. What could he have against this if both priests agree.

Don't worry too much. I'm sure you'll find your priest can do it!

I never would gatecrash a wedding. Weddings to me are truly personal and are not a showcase for another bride and groom for their day. IN some way that is saying - my day is better than your day, yours is the dry run.

I would definitely go and besides this is not gate crashing a wedding. People do not hire a church nor is it exclusive to a bride and groom. Marriage is a holy sacrament and when people usually decide to marry in a church they are declaring their love in front of God and in God's house and his house is an open house. Sorry to sound all holy joe on you all but this is how it is. I definitely wouldn't mind anyone walking in off the street to witness my marriage, more the merrier lol, just as long they don't put their hand up and object to my marriage or expect to come and have a meal at the reception as I can't afford them lol.

i have to say to the last poster, I don't think it's saying in any way your wedding is not important as their own. How can that possibly be?

To to the OP, I hope you get permission to have your own priest, a friend of mine from London took her own priest to marry in a church in Ireland, so it's definitely possible. It might take a while though to get all the paperwork through. I Take it that you're Catholic?

Well by using someone else's wedding to rate performance and see how it passes of to me is akin to treating a wedding to a bridal fair. I don't want to as a bride turn around and see strangers there who I have no connection to, as then my wedding feels a little like a spectator show, I feel a little self-conscious as to why these strangers are at my wedding- and then when i find out the real reason, I do question why they are rating the performance of my priest/Minister

E

I completely respect your opinion and I can understand that view if you have a private ceremony but a church is a public place so you will never have control over who attends. That is a fact.

I also think anyone that attends a church wedding who is eg a practising catholic will also appreciate that it's a holy sacrament and they will respect that rather then taking out a book Making notes or treating it as a wedding fair. Everyone loves a wedding and I'm sure whoever turned up at a church would have pure respect for the bride and groom, their family and their friends and be happy for them, I know I would

Namaste

Nobody said churches aren't public buildings and nobody said the congregation can't come along and outsiders can't come along. Nobody said weddings weren't a holy sacrament. Not sure why you're bringing those things up tbh...

OP asked specifically whether we would or have done it. THe answer is no. OP knows the rules, that is not what she is asking about. She is asking if we individually think that what she is proposing is something we would do ourselves. The answer for some of us is no. OP has asked the question because she is unsure about the answer herself.

I'm glad you haven't got any doubt in your mind as to the answer. We feel differently. You're assuming we don't know the rules. Not sure what gave you that impression, but you assume wrongly.

I would have hated to have seen a wedding at my venue (and still would!) and I would have hated it if another bride who was going to have a wedding had stuck her head in on my wedding - though our venue wasn't just a church, it was a space we made totally ours, and I would have hated to think that someone was nosing round making judgements!

Grace - ?

Don't say that to your priest at your wedding!

I personally don't see a problem with this, coming from a catholic upbringing i had people at my first wedding that i didn't know from Adam, didn't bother me, didn't notice them, was too busy trying not to faint cos i'd not eaten in days lol..

Also if it is a catholic church, from my experience, you won't get anyone asking who you are, or if you know the bride/groom etc, most regular church goers know that church is a place of respect and chit chat isn't the done thing while inside so if you are sat away from the crowd so to speak, then i'm sure you'll be fine.. (this said, i aint been in a church in years so things may have changed) ..

I say go with what another poster said, attend, but leave a little card saying thanks or something.

Also, if the couple are having a mass as well as the marriage bit then that will be a public mass so chances are you will not be the only stranger to the couple.

Granted I'm CoE, but we'll do lots of 'chit chat'. I've been to Catholic weddings and it was the same there. Maybe they didn't get the memo ?

My old boss is Irish catholic, and she told me that anytime she happens to be passing a Catholic church that's holding a wedding or a funeral, she goes in and sits at the back! she sees it as her "right", lol. We're getting married in a city centre CofE church on a Saturday, and I'm sure there will be plenty of tourists and/or homeless people coming in for a sit-down and a nosey (or just to use the loo!) It doesn't bother me in the slightest. If the church you're marrying in is in a small parish then you might get some funny looks, but otherwise i'm sure it will be fine. Your option is just to go along to a Sunday mass one week, that might give you enough of an idea as to what kind of priest he is. We've not seen our Rector perform a marriage ceremony, but from the convos we've had with him, his conduct in church on Sundays, and his going through the ceremony with us in minute detail, I'm sure he's going to do a wonderful job.

Lol Halloweeny maybe my church was just mega-strict or something? .. no wonder i get catholic guilt

I think it would be appropriate for you to go. As long as you don't take notes and photos and treat it like a bridal fair, which I'm sure you wouldn't, you'd still ultimately be sharing in the joy and happiness of their wedding day as one extra person wishing them well. I can understand other people's misgivings, but personally, I'd be totally fine with it.

I know, especially as I am 'converting' for the next Ceremony to Catholicism from Buddhism. They will put me through the RCIA course again - as if one adult christening is not embarassing enough.

Thanks for all the replies ladies

Grace, my Future hubby just converted to a Catholic, and was baptised at the Easter vigil last week, bless him I think the RCIA meetings nearly killed him lol. To make it worse, he has a further 6 weeks of lesson starting next week.

its been a long process as before that he had to obtain an annulment from the Catholic Church as he was divorced but we got there in the end, now all we need is permission from the cardinal to allow our priest to marry in this particular church but at least the venue is booked June 2016 x

I do feel his pain... I tried to get my husband to do the course with me, as it has been so long that he has practiced that I tried to convince him he probably is more Protestant than I am.

There are some Catholic Churches, that after the RCIA is complete, they tell you innocently to bring along your other half, and then they marry you without warning (well I read this on a blog on RCIA and was thinking that would typically be the day I had rushed to the course, after a long day at work and had an argument with OH that morning).

Lol grace. I'm shocked about the blog you read. With our priest, he had to convince him that it wasn't something I made him do and that he really wanted to be Catholic. I didn't really make him convert but I did want it to be sacramental and with a mass and apparently you can only have this if both of you are Catholic. OH was nothing before and he was quite open minded about it all. Since we have been together he has always been part of my children's upbringing, so attended their first holy communions and confirmations. He also comes to my children school masses etc as they are at Catholic schools. He sort of had an idea.

I went to a couple of meetings with him and they are pretty intense. I actually learnt from them too as it's very different when you are taught in school and brought up Catholic. Have you started your meetings yet? Will you be baptised next Easter? X

If you feel a little unsure or uncomfortable being in attendance at someone else's wedding ceremony, is it not possible to do a mock ceremony with your priest at the church well in advance of your day?

We attended a wedding preparation weekend at the church with the vicar marrying us about 5 months before our big day. The church was all decorated for easter and we did a walk through and asked loads of questions. Yes, we didn't have the music and hymns but I found it really useful and it wasn't leaving it all to the rehearsal the night before.

That's a good idea Helen, I'm sure they do practice runs.

id love to have the nerve to attend someone else's wedding but I just haven't the nerve. All the people who have said no and explain their reasons why, I actually agree with, even though I would not mind if a stranger came to my wedding. I'm a very laid back person but knowing my luck, a wedding I gate crashed would be a bride that would notice and scream at me lol x

That's a good idea Helen, I'm sure they do practice runs.

id love to have the nerve to attend someone else's wedding but I just haven't the nerve. All the people who have said no and explain their reasons why, I actually agree with, even though I would not mind if a stranger came to my wedding. I'm a very laid back person but knowing my luck, a wedding I gate crashed would be a bride that would notice and scream at me lol x

I am starting my meetings later this year and in the 'reading' and 'preparing' stage so that the Priest knows that my husband is not forcing me to convert. My husband is scolding me saying I am not allowed to joke, for instance when it comes to getting baptised next Easter, say in the classes - does that mean i get my Easter Egg now that he promised me?

But like your husband, I was open minded for a number of years, I was brought up a Protestant but converted to Buddhism at first opportunity. Since being married, I have looked more into his faith and been able to question a lot more than I was in my church as a child, and there are answers, and more of them make sense whereas as a child and teenager my questions were dismissed without any response.

Lol you two sound like us, OH was always joking and I was mortified. Even now he never calls the priest "father" but by his name. I actually cringe but our priest loves my OH, they are like best mates

The funny thing was after the Easter vigil last week all the priests were handing out cream eggs to the kids and my OH made a song and dance by begging our priest for his lol. He was so proud of his Easter egg not that he just been baptised and confirmed lol.

good luck with it all, btw I was shocked the service went on for 2 and half hours but it was beautiful x

Now I want you to gatecrash my wedding :-)

Ahh I did the RCIA classes and had my communion & confirmation last year easter. The classes were tough! I was baptised Catholic and bought up in a Catholic family, but my parents didn't want to force me into communion & confirmation. They wanted me to make my own decision when I understood more. So last year at the age of 26 I decided to do it, I kind of felt incomplete before!

We are not getting married in the church though. H2b is atheist & religion & churches make him feel uncomfortable. I did gently ask him if he'd be prepared to get married in the church. He did say yes......until he found out about all the classes and having to convert to a Catholic. he felt he would have been doing it for the wrong reasons which I totally understand!

I want the priest to bless our marriage, I'm too scared to ask the priest as that means I'll have to tell him I'm not getting married in a church! *gulp*