Having my wedding on a friend's birthday? (bit of a rant, sorry!)

As you say, theres always a chance it'll be someone's birthday but personally I wouldn't choose to get married on a close friend's birthday. If she's not close enough that you didn't even realise it was her birthday then she's not close enough for you to worry too much about it.

Nope. Tell her to grow up.

I don't know what the problem is- I would take that reply to mean more of a you're not sorry, because why should you be, it's your wedding! Also, the lols and haha probably mean she's fine with it!

Nope, not unreasonable to have it on her birthday at all. I can't bear people who make a big thing about their birthdays. As Kharv says, she needs to grow up.

I'd tell her to get over herself!!!

My cousin had her wedding on my birthday last year, it was a fab day, seeing her look so happy while being surround by all my close family, eating lovely food, drinking and booogieing the night away, great day! My cousins did leave a little gift on my chair, a card and a little prezzie which I thought was a lovely touch when she had so much more to think about.

But to me Birthdays are just another day!!!

wss, I think sometimes things don't really come across as they're ment to on txt, if you're really worried then call her. But if she is seriously upset then yes I agree with what others have said and she needs to grow up a bit.

I suppose I just didn't take into consideration when people's birthdays were when planning the date! I was more concerned with venue availability, whether family abroad would be able to fly in, wanting it on a Saturday, prices etc... But no, when I picked the date, I didn't recognise it as being her birthday, although I wouldn't have thought of it as being an issue if I had realised, because as I said, I wouldn't have cared if it was the other way around so I wouldnt have thought it could be an issue!

I think that nearly every wedding I've been to there has been some sort of announcement during the speeches wishing somebody a Happy Birthday.

If it was a close friend's special birthday, then I could understand them being peeved. You can't suit everyone though.

WSS....I that reply the same way as venart!

We are getting married June next year also on the 15th actually and that is my birthday. We have my parents anniversary on the 17th and a uncles the day before mine. Also my bridesmaid's daughter is getting married 2 weeks before us and her birthday is also the 17th I would have thought she would be over the moon with it. How else was she goona spend her day. What better way to spend it than at her friends wedding as others have said eating and drinking and partying all day.

Was she going to be a BM for you?

We are combining my birthday celebrations in with the wedding.

Actually this has happened to be me twice now and it really dosent bother me, its actually nice that you share a 'special' date with some one (the special is in quotes cause as I said before birthdays are just another day to me)

Im having mine the day after a very close friend - also bridesmaid's- birthday and she was so excited about it. It means that she wont be able to drink too much on the night of her birthday but I just said it would be a double celebration at the wedding. I would tell your friend to stop whinginig, free food and drinks on your birthday? What more could you want!

I think the same as venart, it sounds like she doesnt mind. But I would be straight with her and ask. Have a litlle cake made or something so you can all sing happy birthday too! if she is a bit narked..but it will be a good way to celebrate with everyone so if it was me i wouldnt have a problem. Is she close enough that she will be at the whole day?

I'd tell her to jog on. she shpuld be happy that you've set a date.

Just from my experience of her, I know she usually puts in 'lols and ha ha's as a way of sort of toning down her being annoyed, if u get what I mean? So it actually means she IS annoyed, but is hiding behind her going 'lol', so if I were to confront her she'd act like she was joking, but I know she really IS annoyed! (Sorry have made that sound rather confusing!) She also left off 'x's which she does when shes annoyed! Ahhh the joys of texting.... I don't really want to call her though as do not want to cause a bigger argument! Think I will just not reply and leave it for a while...was just curious as to whether others thought I was in the wrong...

Ah, I think I've finally figured out how to quote the people's replies that I was trying to reply to in my previous posts! Sorry if it didnt make sense before who I was replying to..

To debs35: yes she is close enough to be at the whole day and hen party etc (which would probably be a month before- NOT the night before, therefore not further impinging on her birthday!!)

I think someone else asked if she was a BM - I did consider her, but actually thought that she was a bit too selfish and would be the most difficult and least flexible in dress choosing, or having her hair in a way I would like it etc, so thought best not to ask her! Perhaps I was correct about her being a bit too much 'its all about me' as it seems she is!

TBH, if it was me I would just forget about it and move on.

I actually find it hard to believe someone would hold it against you. She might be a little miffed that she can't do what she chooses on her birthday, but then she'll be at your wedding celebrating and having a great time.

To be honest I would say that she is annoyed and is using the "lol's and hahaha" in a sarcastic way (atlhough I don't know her) but if she's not happy for you that you've set a date then she's not a close friend. I don't think you worded it in the best way saying "sorry to steal your thunder lol" as putting the lol implies you're not actually sorry.

I would have phoned your friend rather than text saying "Hi, we've been to the venue today and the only date they currently have available is x but I know it's your birthday however we're struggling for another. I'm really sorry, hope that's ok and hope we can have a double celebration!" or something along those lines but it's too late now and I'd just ignore your friends response and keep the date as you won't please everybody.

Book your wedding on the date that suits you and your husband to be. If may bank holiday had been at the beginning of may we would have been getting married on my dads 60th. As it happens we get married the week after on my oh nephews 14th birthday. Neither him or my dad would have been bothered by it. (i did promise to buy our nephew an extra nice present ha ha ha )

I guess that's true, I did exactly what she did with the 'lol' because I wasn't feeling particularly sorry! I didn't think it was a big deal to be getting married on her birthday and was kind of hinting that back at her, because I was really suprised the way she just replied 'that's my birthday!' - no congratulations, or that's great, or something at least like 'oh wow, that's great, can't wait - did you realise it was my birthday on that date though'.. etc. Maybe if she'd taken that approach, where she was happy for me, but it being her birthday too was a 'by the way' type of point, then I would have done what you said, like "oh im sorry, it slipped my mind, but it really is the only convenient day because of x,y and z, so hope you can view it as a double celebration" etc..

Tell her to jog on, your doing nothing wrong so don't feel bad about it. A good friend wouldn't act this way.

This! Don't worry, you won't please everybody and if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to attend.

And this is where you say " no, actually I'm not...hahaha"

You've done nothing wrong, you don't need to take anyone's birthday into account. Don't worry about it...if she's p!ssed off about it, she needs to grow up. Either way you need to stop worrying about what other people think so much...wedding planning will teach you this

If she's trying to hide from you that she's annoyed, then what's the problem? Obviously by hiding her annoyance she is trying not to make a big deal about it. If she's annoyed let her be annoyed, as long as she doesn't try to make your wedding about her, it shouldn't matter. She let you know it's her birthday, but she didn't complain, and even if you suspect her being upset she still hasn't done anything wrong.

Until she actually comes out and complains that you've made your wedding date her birthday I would just say you should ignore whatever you suspect is going on and carry on with planning the wedding.

If she used a comma, it would read 'lol you're not, sorry.. hahaha' As in 'Honestly you aren't stealing my thunbder, sorry I didn't mean my previous text to come across that way.

I doubt she is annoyed. What adult could be annoyed that wedding over a year away happens to be their birthday? The exception being she is your best best friend and the birthday is her 30th/40th and she would be having a big party also around that time.

Its your wedding and you can pick whatever day you want, im sure if shes a close friend then shes going to be happy for you however she may be feeling a litte upset and worried as your wedding anniversary is always going to be on her birthday so when she does have important ones like 30th or 40th and your husband wants to wisk you away for a romantic evening are you going to choose your friends evening over your husbands.

I had to think carefully about my date as one of the dates available was my step sons birthday and I didnt want to share it. How can we celebrate a weekend away or a night out on our anniversay when its my partners childs birthday.

This is why I really don;t like texts as there is no emotion - maybe she meant 'thats my birthday' Yay I gate to share my special day and you really are not stealing her thunder. Maybe just give her a ring anc clear things us before it gets out of hand and you fall out, which would be a shame,

Goodness me...just noticed my appalling type errors - sorry all!

Thank you everyone for your replies and insight. I agree that perhaps things have come across differently in text and so not the best medium for the discussion, but I am glad that the general consensus is that if she is genuinely annoyed that I have my wedding on her birthday, then I still shouldnt change it/am not in the wrong etc.

I think I will do what has been suggested and perhaps leave a little extra favour/gift/card etc on her seat and ask my groom to make mention of it in the speech (presuming she comes!!) but until then (unless it is brought up by her!) I will leave it as it is!

Thanks you guys! ?

No she's not married.

Yeah I would have understood that too, if it was this June I was thinking of, she might have already planned something, but it is not until next June, so she cant have anything planned yet.

And yep, that's the general consensus from my other friends who know her too! And the reason I didnt ask her to be BM!

Tell her to get a grip. She's not important enough to have a say as to when your wedding should be. Hell, not even your parents really get a say in that! I know that if one of my friends got married on my birthday i would be happy for them, and commend them on an excellent choice of date!

We were at a wedding last year and it was one of the guest's birthday so we all sang happy birthday for them!

When H and I got married, we actually got married on one of his friends birthday....not that H was speaking to him by that point because they fell out...which i suppose technically makes them ex friends, but anyway that didn't stop us from choosing that day.

If its not an 18th or 21st then its probably not that big a deal to her. Just pick a date that works for you; theres always someone who will have an issue with it!