Having my wedding on a friend's birthday? (bit of a rant, sorry!)

Hi,

I have to say, when H2B and I were planning our wedding, we thought of the time of year that we wanted to get married (Summer), and then worked out all the summertime birthdays or our family and close friends. We were bound to pick someone elses special day, just didn't want it to be anyone very close to us. We were thinking forward a bit here - this day will forever more be your wedding anniversary as well as one of your best friend's birthdays, and these events will always clash. An invite to her birthday will potentially clash with 'sorry - we're going out for our anniversary'.

But that's just me. I should imagine that really, your friend isn't that worried really. It would be selfish of her to be. And if you do as you suggested, and pop a present on her chair and say Happy Birthday in the speech, then she won't feel like you're forgetting her day.

WTS! some things get lost in translation via text, e-mail and forums. Why don't you meet up with her for a casual coffee or speak to her and save yourself having to guess her mood.

I agree with Venart...If she was really upset or annoyed she wouldnt of put lol or hahaha...shes clearly showing that shes making a joke of it. I would see your point if there was no lol or hahaha but its very hard to tell an expression through a txt msg which she probably realised when she made it so she was laughing.

I have a similar situation.

We wanted to get married on 27th July 2013 but venue would have been approx £2500 more because June & July are seen as peak months. We asked what the next available date was where we didn't have to pay peak prices and they said 3rd Aug 2013. Me, my OH and MILTB said yes we would take it. We then realised that it was my OH's sisters birthday that day and wasn't sure if this was going to be a problem or not. We text her and she came back with something silly like can't believe that your going to spoil my birthday, wink wink! So we thought that she was ok with it and confirmed the booking. Since booking, OH's sister has not really spoken to us for about 5-6 months and has been really off with my OH's parents too! We really didn't think this was going to be a problem as its not a special birthday.

OH's mum tried speaking to his sister about it to find out why she was so upset. His sister said that she had planned a family meal that weekend as her daughter was turning 18 on the Monday after the Wedding. None of the family had heard of these plans before and it was almost two years away. His mum explained that it would still be special as all the family would be together. However was told that it was unfair of us to have booked the wedding on that day as it was her daughters birthday weekend. His mum has said that Its technically not her birthday weekend until the following weekend which I agree with. This only made things worse.

We have recently seen her a couple of times but we have never mentioned the Wedding in front of her and she never asks about our plans etc. Its really added a lot of stress onto me and my OH. We seem to be arguing a lot about it and it's making the planning not as exciting as it should be. I never wanted to upset anyone with the wedding/date chosen and feel awful. It's even got to the point where we have not been able to ask my OH's niece to be a bridesmaid and nephew to be an Usher as his sister and brother in law makes excuses not to let us go to their house so we can ask the kids.

We have only just managed to get a date this week to go and ask the kids at the end of the month. Although things seem to be smoothing over I still can't help but feel awful and very uncomfortable when being around her!

I sympathise with you x

Yea agree what other said if the message was followed with lol or hahaha it would assume that they were cool with it, maybe you are being over sensitive.....Dont text her any more about it wait until you see each other in person to avoid any further confusion.

My OH's brother got married the day after OH's 21st (OH was best man.) That meant that OH and I spent the day of his 21st birthday travelling 6 hours from our university town on the train to get to his home town. OH then had to attend the wedding rehearsal and couldn't have more than a few drinks so as to be fresh for the next day and his parents essentially said "oh your birthday, how nice, but we're busy with the wedding at the moment." I was a bit annoyed for OH, not least because I wanted to do something special for him on the day, but his bro and SIL never asked him if he minded and he would never have said that he was put out. It also now means that he rarely gets to celebrate his bday weekend with his brother and they are generally away on an anniversary break. I thought they were a tad selfish to choose that date, they cut costs by getting married in February and so the next weekend would have done just as well as far as I could see. (And no, it's not valentine's day weekend, they didn't want to pay extra for that!)

However, I think the situation is different with friends as opposed to immediate family. You can't plan your wedding around all the special dates that exist in the year! You haven't done anything wrong, I'd just leave it now and not mention it again.

Its my fiance's nans and my friends birthday on our wedding day! they are both really excited that it is on their birthdays! im sure she'll get over it, after all what nicer way to spend your birthday than with a lovely day out, a free meal, free entertainment and getting all dressed up!

I wouldnt let this worry you as texts can sometimes be read wrong Take a leaf out of my book and tell people to bog off if they dont like your choice of date We picked 22/12/12 and loads of people have seriously moaned as its just to close to chritmas It is also my nlaws wedding anniversary but they dont seem to mind and are ven keeping wedding guests staying til after christmas!

I've got this situation but the other way, my BM's bday is the day after the wedding and her nephews first birthday is the day of the wedding (I booked the wedding over 12 months ago) and she has had a major paddy and is no longer staying at the venue over night as she is alread sacrificing her nephews first birthday she not loosing her birthday too (22 years old) I'd even arranged a birthday treat for her which I have now cancelled. I've just got over her, I think unjustified, paddy.

We got married on nov 4th which was our ushers 30th birthday ( and we made a point of refferring to this in the speeches and got him a nice bottle of whisky)- and were going to a wedding april 4th which is oh's birthday- and were not complaining- it's an honour just been invited and being a part of their special day!!

See this is the thing with this girl too - I know a few people on here have told me not to read too much into the texts because of the 'lol's and 'hahaha's but as I've said, she's a good friend, known her for almost 10 years and I KNOW (even in texts!) that she was still being moody about it, but kind of hiding behind the 'lols' so it didnt seem too out of order - like she's trying to make me 'realise' she's pissed off and do something about it without being majorly confrontational!

So frustrating, but I guess there are just some people who think the world revolves around them and their birthdays (like someone else said, which happen once EVERY year!) are more important that a wedding day which will (I hope!) be a once in a lifetime occasion.

I do understand what some people have said about it meaning that our wedding anniversary would then always fall on her birthday, but I don't see that as a massive problem as we won't probably have a massive celebration every year and obv would try to attend anything she does on her birthday, it's only this ONE day that would be about us a bit more than about her and obviously she could celebrate her birthday on another day if she wants to go out drinking etc (like I'm sure most people do if their birthday falls on a weekday - you instead go out on the weekend before or after it, right?)

I'm getting married on my sister's birthday, she is also my one and only Bridesmaid. She was fine when I told her the date and hasn't mentioned it since. I'm going to make a big fuss in my speech and bring out a cake and get everyone to sing Happy Birthday. Could you do something like this so she gets a bit of her thunder back? Sounds like a bit of a drama queen to me, she might like the attention!

Dont be sorry about it!! One of my closest friends is due to give birth on our wedding day!! Unfortunately she cant come but it is a running joke at the moment about it all!!!