Having second thoughts

So sorry you feel like this. We're both finding the planning stages soooo much fun and I can't wait to be the future Mrs. G. Hope you feel better aboutthings, one way or another, soon.x

Don't really know what to say, but didn't want to read and run. Could it be that you want to do the day differently? Elope, go abroad, smaller or bigger wedding? Or do you need some support with tackling awkward venue people - can you get your OH or mum or BM to spaek to them and sort them out for you? Sending you a hug!

Sending you BIG hugs ?

Hope everything works out x

I am worried, as although we have been together a long time, it started off quite rocky in the beginning. But the last 2-3 years have been fantastic.

I just wonder if it can last. We have been together over 10 years, and I keep worrying that the wedding will change him or me for the worst.

I never really beleived it, but people keep telling me that it will happen, and it won't be for the best.

I am not happy about the venue, and Future MIL and FIL have already gone in there to speak to them, but things have not improved. Their staff have changed round, and will change around again before the wedding, so details from our first meeting have got lost, and each time they promise to email us with prices, I end up chasing them again 2 weeks later.

I was meant to have this booked over a month ago. If things take this long to arrange then I cant see us getting married until way into 2020!

Its our dream venue, and within budget, but now starting to think about going to look at other more expensive venues which won't be what we wanted.

It's so frustrating not knowing what the right thing to do is.

Maybe its the pressure of the wedding causing the rift between you both. Why not start again with the planning, maybe scrap the venue that seams to be a nightmare and look at other possible places togther.

I promise you wedding planning is really fun when you get into it x

The right thing to do right now is to stop overthinking things. You're analysing every little detail and looking for some deeper meaning, when really you're just stressed about it all and more than a little disheartened by your venue faff.

Give yourself a well earned break from wedding planning. I lost my wedding mojo for ages and things got a little tense between me and h2b last year, so I just stopped planning for a while. I even stopped coming here for about 6 weeks! One day it all just clicked back into place and I started enjoying it again. If I'd pressured myself into being the Happy Bride-to-be, I'd have stressed myself into a misery and ruined the one and only chance I'll ever have (fingers crossed!!) to plan my wedding.

Plus BIG HUGS for you

Marriage isn't the bee all and end all so if you are happy with each other at the moment then just put the wedding planning to the side and concentrate on being happy with each other. You can always get married so if you don't feel you need/want to right now then don't. Have a longer engagement, spoil yourselves and get back to feeling the happiest and luckiest girl.

As for the comments from your colleague about it being a waste of time that certainly isn't the case for me/us. I love being married, it meant a lot to me and our relationship has developed for the better since we got married so to the people that say don't bother I say stuff them! lol.

Hugs x

Massive hugs hun..

i personally think (and only my opinion) that its the stress of having to chase everyone. perhaps a talk with oh and see what he wants as well.

Our first venue which was our dream venue was a nightmare but in hind sight they did us a favour as we walked away and now have a venue whos staff have been fab and cannot do enough for us.

As my h2b always tells me its our day and its what we want not anyone else..

oh and their have been times when i have wanted to walk away from everything as well but those days do pass..

Firstly completely ignore those idiots!!!! Marriage (i think) is different for everyone, just like relationships are different for everyone. Me and OH have ups and downs, things arent always rosy but even when we row we always say well I'd rather row with you than anyone else!! if you get my point.

If you and OH want to get married then get married, it's no-one elses business.

I at first thought things would be different and I was all excited when we got engaged, but you have peaks and troughs and once you sort your venue out I think it will peak!!

I second the point on sacking the venue, if they are causing you this much stress now imagine how it would be closer to the date!!! The wedding is only what you and your family/friends make it. You just need a space to make it!

Big hugs

xx

It does sound like you're fed up with the planning rather than with your OH. Just cause you've had tough times in the past, doesn't mean things will go back there once you're married. There's plenty of married people who would tell you what a great thing it is. Trouble is that people are very good about saying the negative stuff.

Have a chat with OH and see if there's another venue you could find x

Agreeing with everyone else sounds like you need a break from planning and definetly get rid of the venue!! They shouldnt be causing you this much worry and stress.

It does sound like the stress of things are causing you to worry more than anything, as you said you felt like the happiest and luckiest girl in the world when your OH proposed which you wouldn't feel if things were'nt right. ?

Lots of hugs and hope you feel better about it all soon.

xx

Ignore those that say "marriage is a waste of time/it didn't work for them".

Marriage, as an institution, does work. It's worked for thousands of years.

What makes a marriage fail is the two people involved stopping making an effort. Just because friend/relative/whatever's marriage failed doesn't mean it's not worth bothering getting married; it was something they did, or didn't do, that ultimately made it fail.

My parent's marriage fell apart some year ago, and I have a bad experience behind me too, but that's not put me off getting married this time. Looking back at the first time, I can see now why it shouldn't have happened, and that was simply down to me and her rather than "marriage being a bad thing".

Wedding planning can take over your life, we find ourselves discussing it all over the place, we'll go out shopping and see something and talk about how that might fit into our plans, or we'll be watching a film and see something that 'might work' etc. and it can be frustrating if your friends and family, inevitably, don't share that excitement ... but then again, why should they enthuse over every detail when it's you not them getting married? What we've made a point of doing is once a month doing something as a 'date' - it's so easy to settle into "pre-married life" where you spend all your time and everything gets cosy and a bit boring really as it's all work/sleep/wedding related stuff and no "us time". We fully intend to carry this on once we get married, it needn't be Tea at the Ritz, but popcorn and a film at the Ritzy is perfectly good enough, or fish and chips on the beach.

I can understand your frustration with your venue, what makes it a 'dream venue'? There must be other venues. I'm fully of the opinion that when you're spending thousands of pounds with a venue, you require a certain level of satisfaction and if they don't provide, go elsewhere. You wouldn't do it with a crap car salesman so why do it with something far more important?

Weddings aren't an easy thing to plan - it's far more than I ever realised, and especially these days when there's far more options than there were perhaps even just 10 years ago, expectations have changed too and then you get all the pressure from celebrity (and even royal) weddings backed up by TV programmes about weddings and it's very easy to think your plans are crap or inadequate simply because you aren't having a migrane pink dress with mechanical butterflies and lights, or whatever - well that's rubbish, because a wedding is simply a public declaration of love and commitment between two people in front of friends and family, and nothing else really matters.

AJ, that is absolutely spot on and very eloquently put.

Firstyly, ignore the people that have said 'marriage is a waste of time', that's their opinion. I have too had work colleagues that have said that, but that's them, they aren't me, they don't understand the way I love my OH.

When we were in the midst of wedding planning we drifted apart, not massively to the point I would doubt our marriage but to the point we were have silly squabbles. It felt like every moment was taken up by the wedding and that we just never spent time together. Other people interfering with unwanted opinions, selfish, spiteful people all put a strain on us both, stress levels went through the roof but it was only temporary and we are fine now and finially starting to get excited about the big day, and relax.

I think you should sit and talk to you OH about how you're feeling. Lack of communication is the biggest relationship killer; it can be hard but it's so worth while. I would also IMHO find another venue that is reliable. From what you have said alot of the stress/anxiety is from your venue letting you down...I'd feel deflated too if our venue did that.

Hugs ?

I think AJ has said it all really. It may be best to take a step back and enjoy each other until you are both ready to start wedding planning whole heartedly.

It's hopefully not the same situation but I waited so long for my ex to propose that the whole relationship became about that issue for me and I didn't realise I wasn't actually in love with him anymore. Luckily for both of us, he never proposed and I left.

I suppose what I am trying to say is to think about the marriage rather than the wedding and make sure it's what you both want. If you are looking forward to being married, the planning seems a lot more exciting.