heartbroken and really need help and advice

Sorry to hear this. He is totally out of order for doing this. I think you have done the right thing by not paying for the wedding at this time. Deferring or cancelling seems like the best thing to do

He shouldn't be the one that makes you feel this way. He certainly shouldn't be the one who makes you consider self-harm. Have strength, and stand by your convictions. I can completely understand not wanting to call off the wedding, but unless all these problems disappear once you get married, you have to question if this is the right thing to do.

As difficult as it is, when you talk to him you need to set emotions aside and speak the truth. You're hurting and you're angry, but you need to re-establish that you're both on the same page.

I've had my ups and downs with depression as well, and spent a long time self-harming, because I didn't know what else to do, but you need to find the strength in you to get through this. That is the only way to get through it.

I hope you guys manage to work through it, and I hope you have a wonderful wedding.

I've had my fair share of arguments with my H2B, and at the end of the argument I've jumped straight into wedding planning. I've had to stop myself and really question what I'm doing. I'm planning out of habit and it's a project to work on, but I've just called him every name under the sun and said I never want to see him again in my life.

The wedding can easily get bigger than us, but don't forget why you decided to do it in the first place x

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel so sad. I cancelled my wedding back in 2009, it was booked for 2010 and I had most things bought, such as my dress and wedding ring amongst other things. I was in a similar position to you, I felt so low and I must admit a lot of people gave me excellent advice such as the ladies have done for you on here and if I am totally honest my thoughts were 'but they don't know him like I do, he loves me really' etc etc. I am ashamed to say I let him treat me like absolute dirt in the desperate hope he'd revert back to the man I (thought I) knew. He didn't, and humiliatingly, he dumped me despite me overlooking everything. What I can say though, is although I was at rock bottom, my goodness since forcing myself to look ahead my life has been 1000 times better. I am now about to marry a man who makes me feel happy, secure and confident, like EVERYONE deserves to. I know it may not seem like you can walk away from everything you have known for years, to the uncharted territory of cancelling a wedding, the awkward conversations where you tell people, getting over it, all that hard stuff, but I PROMISE you there is life after the person you think you would spend the rest of your life with.

I really hope you find happiness soon, whether its your fiance realising how horribly he's treated you and making it up to you, or you walking away. But no one should feel like hurting themselves, that's not love (or at least very destructive love). If you ever want to talk about it privately feel free to message me. I am so sorry you're having such a rubbish time - but I promise you things WILL get better whatever you decide to do - just make sure whatever choice you make, it's for you and you only. Xxx