Hi,
I've gotten myself into a bit of a pickle asking bridesmaids. My FI and I got engaged a while ago, whilst I was at University so it's been a long-ish engagement. Soon after we were engaged I asked a friend of mine to be BM in a kind of offhand way. In the year since then we've only seen each other once but it's understandable as I lived 6 hours away.
However, FI and I have since moved closer to home and now live only 35 minutes away from the BM in question. Although we had drifted apart I knew that, because I had already asked her to be a bridesmaid last year, I couldn't unask her without being a total ***. I thought this would all be fine because now that we lived closer me and BM could reconnect and become friends again.
But we've been living closer for 2 months now and the BM in question won't make herself free to see me. When I called her the other night to invite her and her boyfriend round (again), she mentioned in the conversation that she'd only come round when she was in the area for work because it would be cheaper for her to spend less on petrol when she was already in the area.
This actually hurt quite a lot to hear that clearly I'm not that important to her to spend a little money on petrol for an hour's round trip when I would obviously provide her and her boyfriend with a meal/drinks whatever as they would be my guests. I could understand and accept this if I knew she didn't have the money but she's the only member of my bridal party who's working full time and living rent free with her parents and my other bridesmaids have all made the effort to come and visit and talk weddings since we have moved back home, with one of them spending the last £10 she had to come and visit!
Basically, I just feel that this BM doesn't deserve the spot since I'm clearly not that important to her when all of my other BMs (there are 3 others and an MOH) have made such an effort to be involved. We haven't started doing any shopping for dresses or anything yet as the wedding's not for another 11 months but I'm wary that if she feels reluctant just to come round for a cup of tea and catch up, she won't be committed when it comes to shopping for BM dresses and the hen party.
I don't THINK I'm overreacting in this, I wouldn't expect anything from my bridesmaids AT ALL but I feel like a little more enthusiasm not just for my wedding but for our friendship wouldn't go amiss? I do want to keep her as a friend but I'm just realising we're not as close as we used to be and I feel I've made a terrible mistake including her in this.
My question I suppose is: can I already ask her to drop out as a bridesmaid even though she hasn't really given me cause to doubt her yet? If so, how can I put this so that I'm not being totally horrible?
Please any advice or thoughts you have will be appreciated!
