HELP - Hen Do Stress

£220 for that weekend doesn't sound expensive in context - I work in theatre and show tickets can be £80 alone, depending on the seats. But do you mean too expensive for your hens? I don't earn a lot and I wouldn't be able to afford that, but as you say, you are giving people a decent amount of notice - and as they're your friends you probably have some idea of their disposable incomes. And yes, drinks in London are more expensive - everything is!

Personally I would be reluctant to spend £220 on a hen do without even adding spending money on to it.

Infact, I've just turned down a hen invite for that very reason, it was about £200 for the weekend, then there is travel, and costs involved, and then putting my dog in a kennel for 2 nights is an extra £50. When you add it all up I could go on holiday for a week for that!

It depends though, if the general consensus is the hen's are willing to pay, then do it, but you don't want people dropping out last minute.

Hi

I don't think the deal that you have found in London is expensive at all. It sounds great. However, drinks in London, WHEREVER, in London will most likely be more expensive than other places, alhtough i'm not sure they will that much more expensive than Cambridge.

Is your MOH thinking about anyone inparticular on cost? If your original plan was Cambridge, (which I also think sounds great actually) then what changed your mine?

I would suggest that you just need to sit down with a nice drink & talk it through. I would also suggest listing the plus / minus points for each option. Maybe ask the Hens what their preference would be & go with the majority.

Wherever you go, you'll have a great time.

Where are you based? I work and live close to london so i'd be relutant to pay out to stay over night

Thank you for your responses ladies.

I live in Great Yarmouth so it takes us 2 1/2 hours to get there by train (Book in advance tickets are £20 return)

The hotel is a 4* hotel so we could downgrade to a 3* to make it cheaper for all. - i looked on the hotels website and if we booked directly it would have been £80 a night so thought it was a good deal.

The reason i am not so keen on the cambridge idea is that we have had some people drop out already and that meant the cost would go up for the rest of us as the house we were going to rent was a set price for the weekend. This was numbrs can go up and down and it wont affect the price for the others by doing the packages.

Its not a hen party full of girlfriends most of them are family members who i know are ok with the cost so far.

i really dont know what to do at the moment - Im not even that interested i just want to get married.

x

IMO i don't think the costs are unreasonable. I'm going to three hen do's this year. Two are around the £ 300 mark - the other one (which is killing my bank balance at the moment) is nearer £ 1000!

Ah sorry to hear that! I think you sound like you've got a great deal! I live and work in London so if you need any tips on places with happy hours etc let me know For dinners etc, you can get a voucher online or tastecard discount - it can definitely be done on a budget!

Don't have one then! Seriously, do what you want to do. I don't want a fuss so I'm not having one. Don't let people push you around.

I had this last year wen my bf got married and I organised the hen do. I only offered so I could get it as cheap as possible! I totally understand that you as the hen want to feel special, but you have a whole day to feel special - your wedding day. Weddings are also expensive or those attending and adding an extra £250+ on that is a lot in my opinion. I don't plan on going away for mine - I just want a nice meal with good friends and family. X

Agree they are expensive that is why we are planning it 6 months prior to the wedding day and giving them 6 months notice. i am sure myself and the MOH will come to an agreement over a bottle of wine....or 2

Alice84 thanks for your offer of happy hour locations - will take you up on that!!

Thank you for all your help and guidance

Like you said, you are more bothered about getting married. So just let the bm plan the hen do and save yourself the stress. I can understand that you want to make it special but really, the wedding is the special day! I have left my hen do with my BMs - they know what I don't want and that's all in bothered about. I also don't want people to spend too much - I've not gone to many hen dos because of the cost. To be honest, I feel embarrassed expecting people to pay £200+ for a weekend. Totally understand that that's just me though! I think you will have a special time regardless of how much money is spent, so maybe save yourself the hassle and stress and just leave her to it.

I dont think its unreasonable when given enough notice. I have planned my hen do and its for 2 nights in bournmouth and in total will cost £220 plus drinks and travel. Ive let everyone know and we have set up payment plan so everyone can pay a bit off each month, so it gives them enough time to save (im not getting married till aug 15!!) I think if you give people enough notice they usually dont mind its only when they dont have enough time to save and like someone else said, they will also have to find money for your actual wedding. hope u sort it out and have a great time no matter what x

It doesn't matter how much notice I get, I still wouldn't want to spend £220+ on a hen do. Especially as that is before you have factored in outfits, travel, food, gifts, drinks etc. Drinks in London are MASSIVELY expensive.

You don't have to have a big shebang, why not just go for a night out locally?

It sounds like the kind of thing I'd really like to do so if I could spare the money then I would probably go but if it's something I wasn't that interested in I wouldn't pay £220 to do it just because it's my friends hen do. I think you need to work with what your friends are telling you they can afford, if it's too much for them then i'd look at alternatives.

It sounds about right to me, that's generally what a lot of hen do's have cost me, I think nowadays most hen do's seem to be around £200 for the weekend based on the last few i've been on.

You could try and minimise cost by using vouchers and deals as someone else suggested. I love the restaurant Grill on the Market, if you just sign up your email address online then you get 40% off all food as a member, and they allow you to use the discount on saturdays too which is unlike a lot of the other vouchers. The food is beautiful, it's not a cheapy place but with the discount we've had 3 courses for about £20 at the most. Also, on saturdays they do 2 for 1 cocktails all day, so makes drinking cheaper! You could also book a table at somewhere like Dirty Martinis - they have happy hour 5 -8pm where it's 2 for 1 cocktails. You have to pay a deposit to reserve a table but then that money comes off your drinks tab. The Hanover Square dirty martinis is nicer than the covent garden one and has more space. Do a google search of venues in London and see if you can find anymore deals like this, that's how i found out about these places and also a load of places in Manchester which i now get great deals on from just signing up on their websites.

Is it worth having a gentle chat with your MOH about the money? She might be worried about money personally and that's why she's going for the cheaper options. I know when I've been worried about money I've gone completely ridiculous - I once went home in a huff because the bar we were going to charged £10 for entry. I could afford the £10 no problem but because I'd been worried about money the previous month I totally freaked out! I felt so silly when I got home, but in the moment it seemed like a really big deal. She might not realise she's over worrying - she's got time to save up but she might just not be thinking rationally about it.

I think it's a lot of money. Not for what you're doing specifically, just an expensive weekend. I've never been to an expensive hen do and if I was invited to one I probably wouldn't go unless it was a very very close friend and even then I'd kind of begrudge it. I've only been to ones where they've been all sleep on a sofa or blow up mattress in someone's living room. I live in london, as do most of my friends, but we're all going to my friends house in Suffolk - that's all I know though as my bm are organising it thank god. I think planning a hen do would tip me over the edge! To me, hen do's are about being together and having fun so it doesn't really matter where you do it.

It could be that your MOH is planning the weekend based on what people have said they are prepared to pay. It may be that she doesn't want you to have to be involved in that. It's often easier to tell the person arranging the hen do what you are prepared to pay than tell the bride.

As mentioned earlier £220 seems good value for what you are getting but on the other hand £220 is a lot of money.

£220 sounds a great deal for what you're getting. However, personally, I don't understand the trend for expensive hen/stag weekends and I would feel bad asking people to spend hundreds of pounds for mine. It may be that your MoH can't afford that much for a weekend away or your hens have told her that they can't. Just because they have months to save up doesn't necessarily mean that it will be any more affordable for them - for example, they may have insurance renewals coming up, or be only just making ends meet at the end of the month as it is.

I think you need a sit down with your MoH to have an open-minded, friendly, chat about why your plans are clashing so much.