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Beginner September 2024 Essex

Help! i don’t have any bridesmaids

Jennifer, 19 of June of 2022 at 21:14 Posted on Planning 1 12
This sounds so silly, but it’s filling me with dread. I always imagined myself to have one of those weddings surrounded by a girl gang that had known me forever and dancing the night away surrounded by my pals!

Turns out I only really have one pal, and that’s my future husband. I feel like such a saddo. I’m a 30 year old with no friends, it’s so embarrassing and filling me with more anxiety by the day. I used to have friends but we drifted years and years ago when I moved down south and I don’t seem to have had much luck when it comes to making new ones - although certainly not for a lack of trying.

My boyfriend has an army of groomsmen, he’s even struggling to make a decision on the final cut. I just feel like it’s going to be so embarrassing on the day. I do such a good job of hiding this on a day to day basis in front of his friends and family, but there will be no escaping the fact on the day that i’m a Billy no mates - tbh I’d rather just avoid the day all together and get eloped, but I know it’s important to my future husband!
Any advice, has anyone gone through this level of wedding loneliness and the day wasn’t as bad as they thought?
Any advice / guidance / Essex based bridesmaids (haha) welcome!

12 replies

Latest activity by Sarah, 22 of June of 2022 at 22:21
  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    No one is going to think you're odd for not having any bridesmaids - they'll just assume it was your choice. Not everyone has them, so don't worry about it looking odd.

    Wanting to get ready with a bunch of friends is a different matter. Is there anyone you could ask to get ready with you? An older relative perhaps?

    I think it's also important to remember that what we imagine doesn't always bear much resemblance to the reality. I know loads of girls who have got married with a big bunch of bridesmaids in attendance, and the getting ready has been really stressful, with one or more girls falling out or acting like a diva. And you only have to look at some of the posts on here to know that the idea of a large team of 100% supportive bridesmaids has more to do with instagram & wedding magazines than real life!

    • Reply
  • A
    Dedicated July 2022 Co Londonderry
    Ali312 ·
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    Maybe your husband can also not have any groomsmen or just have a best man to fit in with what you decide? Ask a few relatives- mum, aunt, a sibling to get ready with you Smiley smile

    I'm in a similar position, just getting ready with my sister and making it a relaxing morning. I agree with the above, I feel like weddings get romanticised in movies and reality TV and it can make people anxious (myself included) about not having a wedding that fits into the stereotypes (8 100%-supportive bridesmaids). I'm sure you'll have a great day, try and not worry Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Savvy February 2023 Hertfordshire
    Emily ·
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    I'm not having bridesmaids. I don't really have any close girlfriends. Also, the idea of a ott hen do is my idea of hell!
    My sister who got married last year didn't have bridesmaids either. I'm quite relieved she didn't make me wear a fluffy pink number!!!

    • Reply
  • Sam
    Curious December 2023 Essex
    Sam ·
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    I feel in a similar boat with only really 1 best gal friend and my twin sister and small family in comparison to my groom's army of groom's men, 2 best men a giant family and extended friend group. I also moved to Essex from the Midlands and have only really made 'friends' with people through my groom and work. I'm just owning it and saying quality over quantity!
    If my nans were still alive I would make them my bridesmaids if in your boat! I too would ask your groom to tone things down to balance with your side of things x
    • Reply
  • Maddie
    Maddie ·
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    I'll be your bridesmaid! 28, live in kent, let's do this!

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  • Katie
    Katie ·
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    I'm with Maddie here... I'm 25 (but feel like I should actually be mid 30's!), from north Kent, so Essex is only a 20 minute drive away for me! - Feel free to message even without a bridesmaid invitation! :-)

    On a serious note, this is something that always concerned me... even though I'm no where near an engagement, no doubt wedding! I'm very close to my family, and have a couple of close friends - most of which are men... to the extent it bothered me that much that I would rather just go abroad and get married with a very small party (immediate family and perhaps a couple of close friends) or I was forever hoping that my future partner would have some nieces or sisters who I liked enough for the role lol!

    However... I'll never understand why people have 6+ bridesmaids, it's just more hassle and cost. It's not unheard of to not have bridesmaids and hey, it's good to be different... it's about you and your husband to be, not about friends! If I was at a wedding, I don't think I'd particularly notice whether there were bridesmaids or not, I'd be focusing on the bride etc, and as said above, most people will just think it's your choice not to.

    It's your day, and it'll be wonderful regardless, don't let the bridesmaid thing give you anxiety!


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  • Jade
    Beginner June 2022 Essex
    Jade ·
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    View quoted message
    Totally with you in this 29 from Essex! tenor.gif

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  • Abby
    Abby ·
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    I'm with Maddie and Katie! (Abby, 30, Southampton). It's your day and all eyes will be on your and your soon-to-be-husband, so it shouldn't matter how many bridesmaids are involved in the wedding party. It's not sad at all. I have recently moved from a city to a town where I know very few people, and it is so hard to adapt and to start over. If you still want to have a wing woman on the day (and even during the run up to the big day!) to help coordinate things, to help you get ready in the morning, and to assist with the dress while needing a pee (!), then sign us girls up!
    • Reply
  • K
    West London
    Kay ·
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    Hey Jennifer
    The day is yours and your future husbands. You do what you want with it.
    But if you feel like making a few girl friends then I can highly recommend the ladies of the Essex Ladies Circle are a great group of ladies and basically get together every few weeks to have fun. Hope this helps and hope you have a great day on your wedding day.Yours in FriendshipK
    • Reply
  • Wendy
    Wendy ·
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    Dear Jennifer.
    Just read about your situation, and I wondered if you have considered contacting Wish Upon A Star. They try to make terminaly ill children's wishes come true. You don't have a bridesmaid and the organisation just may have a little girl who is longing to be a bridesmaid, well.. before it's too late. It could make a huge difference to them and their parents. What better gift to them, and to you.
    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner August 2022 Essex
    Louise ·
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    Honestly I was exactly the same, female 31 and had one bridesmaid who was my partners cousin!
    Plus i have a tiny family. Also had the same image of being surrounded buy a team on the morning and the reality was spent it by myself, with exception of suppliers!

    I’m also based in Essex! Slightly separate from weddings but private message me and more than happy to find new local people my age to talk to! It’s so hard finding friends as an adult esp if you don’t have kids!
    Nevertheless your wedding, I’m sure will be beautiful! Please don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed this is far more common than you think or see on Instagram!!

    • Reply
  • S
    Beginner September 2023 Essex
    Sarah ·
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    Hi lovely, I am also a Chelmsford bride. I’m 33 and apart from work friends I have two friends that I really see. I moved to Spain when I was 16 for two years and when I moved back all my friends had made new friends via college or university and we lost touch. I have my sister, best friend of 23 years and two nieces for bridesmaids and decided for my hen not to worry about inviting people that I wouldn’t normally socialise with so am just going away for the weekend with my bridal party. I also used to think I would have lots of my friends around me as bridesmaids on my wedding day but I’m kind of glad that I have two very special adults and my nieces as my bridesmaid. On the other side my FH is very social and also has a lot of friends coming to the wedding (so many I had to ask him to cut his list a little and really think about who would add something to our day). Any way I’m always about if you fancy a chat.
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