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Beginner July 2021

Help MIL

LuxuriousYellowCars71788, 1 March, 2020 at 14:44 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0

Hello,

A bit of background to my situation: my mother left when I was 13 and I do not have a relationship with her, I am very close with my auntie who in my eyes is my mother.

I am from Essex and have always wanted to get married there, however my MIL explained that it is cheaper where we live (Yorkshire) it upset me that my fiancé agreed with her but eventually I compromised so my fiancé and I went to see a wedding venue and told her about it after, she cried and said she wanted to be involved, she didn’t want to interfere but just wanted to be kept in the loop and explained how she felt sorry for me as I “don’t have a mum” bullshit!!!!!!!!!! She asked to go and see the venue and even though my fiancé didn’t see why she needed to see it, he took her anyway.

She is now continually questioning us about the wedding and trying to control everything, from organising meetings with photographers and suggesting cakes that she likes, she now wants to be involved with my wedding dress. Point blank, I do not want her there, I want to go shopping with my auntie and 2 best friends. Yesterday my MIL told me that we are going wedding shopping in April when my fiancé and his dad are away, she told me to ask my bridesmaids if they would be willing to come. I have messaged my bridesmaids on the quiet and told them that I will not be looking for my dress we will be looking for theirs, even though we all agree as I am getting married summer 21 this is far too early.

my questions are:

1. How do I politely tell my MIL and her daughter (one of my bridesmaids) that it is too early to go bridesmaid shopping yet?

2. How do I politely tell my MIL and her daughter that I want to go shopping for my dress with my auntie in my hometown and not where I live now?

I currently feel like all I’m doing is try to please her when in reality I’m making myself miserable

Thank you in advance

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    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Just tell them!

    "Thanks for offering to give up your time to look for bridesmaids dresses next month, but it's too early - I'll be in touch when we've reached that stage - probably around [insert time when you are planning to start looking]

    "Thanks so much for offering to go wedding dress shopping with me, but I've decided to go with my aunt and my friend as it's important they feel included in the preparations too."

    If your MIL is from Yorkshire, she should be used to people calling a spade a shovel, so don't worry about being direct! Firm and polite is the way forward.

    I'm beginning to wonder if there is a bride on the planet who has got married without some kind of emotional blackmail! Don't give in to it. Ignore any drama and just keep calmly stating what is going to happen!

    BTW, I think it's really important that you & your fiance are on the same page regarding this - if he is more likely than you to give in to his mother's pressure, then that's a conversation that needs to be had - preferably at a time when you're both feeling calm!

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