HELP! Pregnant bridesmaid!

I don't like Cadbury Purple - partly as it reminds me it's a barrier to getting to the chocolate inside - so I wouldn't have wanted it as a colour at our wedding. But I'm not saying that the whole world should never have a Cadbury Purple coloursheme ever again.

Opinions are opinions. That's all. There is absolutely nothing I can do if someone else has no problem with pregnant bridesmaids, all I can do (or did do) is influence what happened at OUR wedding, and our wedding alone.

I really don't know why some people do take things so personally when one of the dangers of posting on an open forum with people you don't know is that they may have different thoughts on an issue to you.

Hiya one of my bridesmaids is pregnant and is due about 6 - 8 weeks before the wedding I asked her how she felt about still being bridesmaid and she is adamant she still wants to do it - I am happy for her just to be there on the day. We already have her dress but ordered additional material however one of the other BM's got a bigger dress but has lost a considerable amount of weight so it will just be a case of waiting as close to wedding as possible and swapping around and getting them fitted at the time.

My other friend is also going through ivf treatment at the minute and has said depending on if she gets pregnant she will make a decision as to whether or not she will stay bm this is because of her medical history however she will still be there!

The dress maker who works for the bridal shop has told me not to worry as she will be able to do something. Im sure any good dress maker will be able to sort it out for you!

There is a big difference though in saying I don't want to wear a purple tie and saying I don't want you to be my bridesmaid because of the way you look!

*sorry....my tongue was hurting...*

AJ, of course you can only comment about things at your wedding as it is of no concern to you what others are doing/have done. I was just wondering though if one of your bridesmaids had becomed pregnant before your wedding would you have sacked her off? Would Caz have supported you in this decision?

Believe it or not I am not "AJ baiting" just asking a genuine question.

Wowzers.

AJ, does your wife know you hold that opinion over pregnant women as bridesmaids?

God forbid if your wife ever gets pregnant AND asked to be bridesmaid at the same time.

? Did I miss your wedding report?!?!?!

I posed the question to her and this is her reply (she can't get on to Hitched at work).

"Erm its a tough call really, it depends how pregnant she was but if we are talking about the one from last night, I would probably say that as much as I would love to have her for my bridesmaid there is a lot of standing around and I would be concerned that she may not feel up to it on the day, especially if she has had a lot of pregnancy related problems. I had a friend who had a lot of pelvic pain and could barely walk let alone stand for any length of time!"

Why? It all depends on the circumstances, how far she is gone etc etc. I would have said that her priority as a mother-to-be overrode that of being a bridesmaid in any circumstances if it came to the crunch.

Just because you feel no longer able to be a bridesmaid doesn't mean you can't attend the wedding or even take another responsibility such as doing a reading at the wedding.

But AJ, Caz's response is concern for her friend, not your concern of not looking good.

What if your wife's chosen bridesmaid was in a wheelchair? She wouldn't look the same as the other girls. Would that fall "not looking right"?

Surely that would be up to the bridesmaid to decide though, not you? I'd hate to think I'd be dropped as a bridesmaid just because I was pregnant!

I didn't say anything about "not looking the same". It's the pregnancy that's the issue.

As for a wheelchair, that wouldn't necessarily be an exclusion, it depends on the venue (and of course many other factors which I'm sure you'll agree are far too complex, and we'd all have different opinions on them too); ours for example had three steps into the ceremony room so whilst it would have made it difficult we could have accommodated a wheelchair coming in the side door at the bottom of the aisle rather than through the main doors, if that makes sense. Both of Caz's sisters work in a special needs school so I'm more than sure that, if it had been a situation that arose, we could have between us handled any special arrangements or equipment that needed sorting.

I rest my case.

What case?

I didn't say it was wrong for looking different.

In one post you said pregnant women shouldn't be bridesmaids because it doesn't look right. Then you say, err actually it's because of health reasons.

I sort of get the impression that you also wouldn't give a pregnant woman a job. Whatever your reasons for it, it's discrimination.

I think you should continue to have her as a bridesmaid but i would have more than one just in case.

I personally think pregnant women look absolutely gorgeous and i don't see why having a big belly should exclude you from a wedding ?

With my last pregnancy i was working in an Acute mental health ward until 36 weeks and many other women still carry on doing stressful jobs and or looking after other children. A wedding is nothing in comparison to that.

"Not looking right" is not the same as "looking different" which is the argument someone else was trying to make.

Tbh, while I never had to deal with this question and I don't think it would have bothered me, I can imagine why it might not work for some people. Guests could be looking at the pregnant BM and thinking "How far along is she? Is it a boy or a girl? What if she goes into labour in the ceremony?" rather than looking at the couple. There ARE practical issues associated, which some people might not feel happy with handling. I'm not saying this is right, but it's an idea of how people might think.

I VERY much doubt that!

True, but you've seen the insane things that people get paranoid about on here, it's not inconceivable that this is the sort of thing some people would worry about. I have some...interesting...older relatives and it's just the sort of thing they would notice and tut about. Not that it would stop me if it was what I had wanted, but I just think people are taking it terribly personally that one person has an opinion different to the masses.

I'm not taking it personally at all. I'm used to AJ and his opinions now!?

I don't think anyone's taking it personally. There's nothing wrong with a healthy debate.

Nothing to be confused about. You like the look, I don't. That's really all there is to it.

"Overweight roundness" and "pregnant roundness" are completely different shapes.

You clearly haven't met one of my colleagues known as "The Big D" then.

Well, that's not necessarily a surprise though is it?

But where is the difference?!

Or, if your bridesmaid had not long had a baby and still had the belly - which category does that fit in? ?

I would not expect someone with a new baby to just abandon it for a few hours to be a bridesmaid - the baby should be priority, and whilst of course there's no reason their husband can't look after it for an hour for the ceremony (assuming you have allowed children to your big day) I would guess that most mothers would rather be there on hand instead of being at the other end of the room hearing their kid crying and not being able to go back and deal with it.

Having a newborn at a ceremony is the best age as all they do is sleep!

That wasn't the question though, you said you wouldn't mind an overweight bridesmaid who had a belly but wouldn't want a pregnant belly in your photos - fair enough, your decision. But what about a post-baby belly?

Anyone for a bump share?! ?

I didn't say pregnant ladies offended me - I just said I didn't think it was appropriate to have heavily pregnant bridesmaids, that's all.

Sometimes, a woman can be so clinically obese, you don't even know that she's pregnant. Is she allowed to be a bridesmaid?

I know you wont but can you explain why? I'm interested.