HELP! Pregnant bridesmaid!

In what context do you use the word "appropriate"? "Appropriate" for what?

I wouldn't have a baby with a man if I didn't think he was capable of looking after him/her for a few hours whilst I was being bridesmaid.

Hahaha...that made me 'LOL' in an empty office....

Presumably you do at least understand the difference between 'big all over' and 'small except for a huge belly bump that's an obvious pregnancy'?

Whichever way I say it I'm sure someone will choose to get offended and keep bashing away at a point that is an opinion that really doesn't need to be explained.

Yes. I'm just trying to understand it right.

If you're wildly obese, you'll look fine in a wedding party.

If you're wildly obese and 9 months pregnant, you'll look fine in a wedding party.

If you're skinny, you'll look fine in a wedding party.

If you're skinny and 9 months pregnant, you wont look fine in a wedding party.

*shrugs* I just don't get it.

The reason people are "bashing away" as you put it, is to try and understand why the chuff you believe pregnant (not fat, pregnant) women cannot be bridesmaids. If you answered reasonably, maybe this thread would be left alone. Thus far, this has not happened.

The problem with this ploy, AJ (because I think it is a ploy, one you use frequently), is that you risk looking like you have no conviction, that you are, in fact, trolling ? If you offer an opinion on a public forum in the context of a debate, it should be quite straightforward to explain it, indeed I think it implicit in the offering of an opinion that you are able and willing to explain its origins.

I suspect, in this case, you have a reason that you don't want to share because it's an ugly one, which you fear will bring recrimination.

Exactly this.

What 'recrimination'? This is an internet forum.

There is no rule against holding, or sharing, unpopular opinions that do not comply with the 'herd mentality' of some people round here. I don't answer to any of you, I don't have to explain myself even though I've tried a number of times and still the point is missed, to the point which whatever I say is going to get someone arguing back, over a point which let's face it actually doesn't really matter to anyone else except the bride and groom, and their pregnant bridesmaid.

I find it amusing how various people are 'demanding' that I "explain myself" when nobody who supports pregnant bridesmaids is being asked to explain why - it's just "accepted" that it is "ok" and that's the end of it.

We're asking you to explain yourself the same way we would if you said you wouldn't have a black bridesmaid, or a lesbian for a bridesmaid, or a disabled bridesmaid or any other variation you wish to add. No one supporting pregnant bridesmaids needs to explain themselves because there's no reason not to have a pregnant bridesmaid! Unless that person themelves decided they didn't feel up to it.

Would it be okay to have a pregnant bride?

*runs off into the distance*

*facepalm*

This doesn't happen, does it?

... because the choice of the bridesmaids is entirely up to the couple!

I wouldn't have been happy with a heavily pregnant bridesmaid at our wedding. End of story.

Why should that be any different than not being happy with "Sanda" as a bridesmaid because she dyes her hair pink?

This is different. This is something that you actually *could* debate.

For example, a pregnant bride would mean she's having sex before marriage, which, although not so much nowadays, used to be fround upon by the Christian religion.

A pregnant bridesmaid, however, is just beyond me!

I don't hold this view, by the way, but can see why some people would.

... and the majority of other 'mainstream religions' in this UK.

But wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?? God darn it, why?!?!

It's not but I would be asking you the same questions.

You pick your bridesmaids for who they are, not what they look like in photos.

... and maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't be friends with people who dyed their hair silly colours? Or were covered in tattoos? Or had all sorts of bizarre piercings?

I know, - I was just being a little terror

I am struggling to see the significance of a preggo BM. If you were the kind of person who didn't like it aesthetically then you are an idiot but fair enough, that's up to you.

But as far as I am aware, there can't be many moral objections?

Like you said, beyond me!

Or were pregnant...

You don't have to explain yourself. You might feel it polite to explain your viewpoint, once offered in such a matter-of-fact and pious manner. Saying "It doesn't look right" isn't the bottom line of your viewpoint. One can only imagine why you might feel it doesn't look right - I suspect your puritanical streak is emerging

Without being willing to expand, you have simply dropped a bomb into a conversation and then run away to hide, possibly with your fingers in your ears, saying "la-la-la". As I said before, that's trolling.

What's that got to do with it?! <Confused> That was your point, mine is about pregnant bridesmaids and I refer you back to my point that you pick your bridesmaids for who they are and not how they look in photos.

.. but the key point, of "pregnant bridesmaids", surely is that the issue only comes up pre-wedding, and since you and I are both the other side of the big day and here as OM's, it doesn't actually matter whether we would or wouldn't have had pregnant bridesmaids as, like me, I'm sure you aren't planning on getting married again at some point in the future.

I'm sure that, when - if - our time comes, my lovely wife will be a lovely pregnant wife too. If by some strange chance she is asked to be a bridesmaid at the same time then I'm sure she will make the decision that is best for her and our child, based on the factors which are in place at that time, many of which have been discussed at length elsewhere in this thread.

You might. Others might not.

Precisely this!

Oh and while I'm at it EFTLOMBS with bells on - FTLOMB you are far more eloquent than I am, but you hit the nail on the head entirely!

Aj - if I said that I wouldn't have an obese bridesmaid, would you not think it was pretty inappropriate? What if I said that I like the way a pregnant bridesmaid looks but not a fat one?

FWIW, I didn't give a sh!t what my girls looked like, I chose them because I loved them.

You're still avoiding the question we're asking.

What doesn't "look right" about a pregnant bridesmaid??

Your wedding, your choice...

Would you have this man as your best man?