HELP! Pregnant bridesmaid!

Of course I don't have any 'empathy' for it, because a) I'm never going to be in that position personally, and b) it's not something I have any experience of. I am sure that many women find pregnancy a beautiful thing - but without experience, it's just something that other people "do" that we haven't yet.

When the time comes, my feelings may change. I have no idea. None of us can say for sure, can we?

AJ doesn't have a problem with fat people at weddings. It's just pregnant women that "don't look right".

No, I would expect him to be a bit smarter than wearing jeans.

Hideous, but apparently ok:

Beautiful, yet somehow "doesn't look right"':

Here we go AJ and his judgmental attitudes hijacks a thread yet again?.

FWIW pregnant or not, pink hair, muliple piercings, tattoos etc etc do not make a person good or bad or "worthy" of your friendship or not. It is what is on the inside that matters. AJ I thought Christians were not supposed to judge people.

As for the OP have her as your bridesmaid, it will probably fine, she won't be incapactiated because she's heavily pregnant and she still wants to do it so get a nice floaty/easily adjusted dress and you're good to go ?

My point was he has a belly like a pregnant lady...it's not as funny if I have to explain it!

I'm sure in some circumstances people can. Some make patronising and wildly wrong guesses. Others wait.

... and here we go again.

A remarkable statement. You don't have empathy in a situation if you have no experience of it? I don't have experience of a lot of things in life but that doesn't prevent me being able to understand (and, by defintion, share a bit of) someone's feelings.

The question was "what would you do". I answered. Not once have I attacked anyone who has no problem with having pregnant bridesmaids - their wedding, their choice, end of story. Don't blame me for the 9 page trainwreck where someone decided to take offence rather than accept - like I have - that other people feel differently about the issue.

What do you expect me to do anyway? Turn up, Westboro style, at someone's wedding holding a placard?

Your answer was that you wouldn't risk having a pregnant bridesmaid, for fear of her going into labour during the ceremony. It was only later that it emerged that another reason (or the true reason?) for not having a pregnant bridesmaid was because of the way it looks. Freely offered when no further offering was necessary. And now so defensive. Hmmm...

Actually you are being incredibly personal, but I'm quite used to people doing that.

I've made it abundantly clear time and time again here that it's not the size/shape of the person, nor the fact that they are pregnant, nor indeed their marital status - I just don't think having a pregnant bridesmaid is right, that's all.

I really do give up.

Wow, how about that for a sweeping generalisation. Yes everyone who is overweight is obviously greedy, what an ignorant thing to say. I think you have just successfully stooped to the level you were trying so hard to battle against.

But here's the difference and the bit you are missing...

I don't think it's right that people beat their children. This is because I believe that heavy-handed parenting can promote the idea that violence is a solution for conflict.

Now your turn.

I don't think having a pregnant bridesmaid is right. This is because [insert reason here].

O....K.... I've clearly missed a rather heated debate here!

In regards to the OP, If your friend still wants to be a Bridesmaid and you still want her to be there, then i see no reason why not. as others have said, order extra material for the dress if nescessary.

If she does go into labour early (and it can happen. my sister went at 36 weeks) then you should maybe have a contigency plan for that purpose, but otherwise plan as normal! Make the shop you get your dresses from aware of the pregnancy. I'm sure you aren't the first or the last bride to have a pregnant bridesmaid and they'll be able to work round it! The shop will be able to help you with what dresses are good for these kind of instances.

Don't fret about it, and if you are at all concerned, speak to your friend about it. I'm sure between you, you'll come up with a plan!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

You still havent explained why it doesnt "look right" though AJ.?

... because I don't think the combination of heavily pregnant, at a wedding, possibly taking the focus away from the bride and her special moment is right. You also have the potential problems of having to stand for a long time, potential health issues if it's a difficult pregnancy, plus the risks of early labour should the 'due date' be quite soon. I also think the 'pregnant look' of the big bump looks out of place at a wedding; for the guests it doesn't really matter but for members of the bridal party I think it does.

All of which I've said several times before in this trainwreck of a thread.

I really don't know why people should get so uppity about such a simple issue of choice; it's nothing to do with 'discrimination' as someone tried to throw in and confuse things.

How about this look then? You like this pregnant bridesmaid dress?

Not check. Why does it look out of place at a wedding, if only for the bridal party?

I dont get this? Care to elaborate? Probably not.

I don't know how to put it into words in a way that someone else could understand. It's just something I feel, that's all.

I think you misspelt "trying to defend yourself" in that post.

Every single picture I found my eye being drawn away from the bride and to "the bump".

*shrug*

Well bully for you. Not everyone is as lucky as you seem to have been. I'm quite sure that it didn't just happen overnight either. No doubt you were also lucky enough to somehow find the time - and the money - to spend hours at the gym or something because you felt you "had" to.

But are you a 'healthy' weight or simply pandering to the media-led image of how women are made to feel to look so that they can feel attractive?

I have a friend in the US who is the equivalent of a UK size 34. At her last check-up she had perfect blood pressure and perfect cholestorol. Some people are just big, and that's the end of it.

Whilst I do not agree with AJ's opinion on this thread, I think it's highly unfair what you have said, abigiggle. Completely irrelevant what size/shape AJ is. He isn't going to be a bridesmaid anytime soon is he?

Or in fact pregnant...

Not without considerable surgery...

Ha! Yes forgot about this part.

I think our funniest Hitcher awards are definitely deserved, although I do always laugh at my own jokes.

<directs AJ & abigiggle to another shiny new thread where they can shout at eachother in private>

.. .and where exactly did I "belittle your efforts"?

Some people try to lose weight for years, and achieve nothing. Others make tiny changes and the weight piles off. Lifestyle, exercise and diet are merely factors in weight gain or loss, not one thing being the be all and end all.

You felt "unattractive" so you made changes to the way you looked, and spent two years doing it. I have no problem with that. That's your choice to do so, whatever your reasons may or may not have been.

However, have I ever said that I am unhappy with the way that I am? No. Whilst I'd like to lose a bit if I can - we both would - but that desire is not taking over my life as it does for many women.

I understand what you were trying to do, but it came across as bullying to me. Saying "having a pregnant bridesmaid is the same as having an overweight one" would have been fine & got your point acros.. Bringing a poster's appearance into a debate isn't cool.

AJ isn't going to offer anyone a sufficient explanation behind his viewpoint for you all, so it seems we should just leave this thread! Else we'll be going over old ground again.

...where is that flogging a dead horse icon?

Because you failed to actually read what I've been trying to say.

Of course it's visual, a pregnancy bump is visual.

I'm sure if someone had said that they wanted to sack a bridesmaid because they'd put on weight and it would look bad, a lot of people would have agreed.