help with bridesmaids and maid of honour!

Just be straight with her and explain yourself, i was once a bridesmaid for my sister and she told me i not to dye my hair for months before the wedding (this is when used to box dye my hair) and i understood and didn't dye my hair, i was 18 at the time so i would hope if you friend is older they too would understand.

I wouldn’t and didn’t expect my friend to change anything about themselves just for my wedding. Weight/haircolour/appearance in general
I would also be offended if a friend told me I could be their maid of honour only if I didn’t dye my hair or tan etc

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I agree with this. You choose your MOH based on who they are as a person and whether they are the person you feel deserves the role/you want there supporting you, their own personal aesthetics shouldn't come into it. Besides, if she always tans herself and looks this way, wouldn't you want her to look like the friend you know and love?

I agree with Emma and Chloe. If you're not prepared to accept your friend as bridesmaid as she is, then you shouldn't be asking her. You may not like the self-tan she uses, but that is part of who she is right now.