Help with my groom!

I remember we had a brief discussion about this in the 2016 thread - I was wondering whether everyone had to be matchy-matchy and decided in the end that it really didn't matter. OH and I are both of opinion people can wear/buy what they want, as long as they're comfortable. Our folks, in comparison, are the ones kicking off and saying the men should all be wearing the same.

From your thread I gather you've already discussed with your OH about the cost implication and I assume you've shown him that picture?

Re. shoes, they could all be the same colour (i.e. make sure they're all in black, shiny shoes) so they don't have to be the exact same make.

Re. suits, could you rent from somewhere? Would the costs be cheaper than buying them all outright?

Re. accessories, you could ask they all have the same colour suit (not necessarily the exact same suit) but all have the same tie or accessories?

We haven't decided who is paying for suits and we still need to hash out with parents exactly what people are going to wear, so can't help on that front unfortunately.

Good luck!

Hi Laura

That is a bit much to pay for all that - and now he has told them it's a bit difficult to back track!

Have you considered hiring them? We got 5 suits (tails, shirt, waistcoat,cravat, trousers) and 5 pairs of shoes for less than £500.

We picked out the suits with the help of my OH mum and dad. We knew in our head what we wanted though before going.

xXx

My H2B is going to buy his own suit in grey and he is asking everyone else to wear a suit that they already own, but in a different colour, as he is French and this is the French way of doing things. Apparently in France everyone just turns up in what they have and no-one is bothered about it matching! I am happy with this as we are just going to buy everyone the same tie so that they match eachother and then they will have buttonholes as well.

I think if you explain to him that if you ended up buying everyone's suit including the dads would that mean you have to buy each of the mums outfits too to make it fair? Where would the line be drawn? Add it all up and compare it to something practical and logical like "we could have a new bathroom suite for that price" or "this would pay for our legal fees if we buy a house." This is the sort of reasoning that I use with my OH and he usually comes round to my way of thinking eventually

Personally I would not buy shoes or accessories I would leave that to them as they most likely have suit shoes or will use them again however with regards to suits I don't think its right that they provide their own as you wouldn't ask the bridesmaids to provide their own dresses or wear something they already own. I would leave it to my oh to decide if they should match him or go different as he had no say in my bridesmaids but we do run ideas past each other so we know what the other doesn't want. Have you looked at suit hire to get a realistic cost? Some of the ladies on here got some fantastic deals as I did discuss suit hire but unfortunately with getting married abroad it's extortionate to hire a suit for over a week when they will wear it one day! It sounds to me like your oh is just excited and is in over drive. Personally I would contact moss bros, slaters, debenhams etc and get a realistic suit hire cost and discuss them with your oh

I do agree with you that if they are buying their own suits, then they should have a say in what they get. This is what I've done with my bridesmaids. They were paying for their own dress, so they each got to pick their own.

With the grooms party, ours will all be hiring the same suit as my OH from Moss Bros and paying for themselves. The only difference is that as the groom, his waistcoat will be ivory with an ivory cravat. Do you think maybe your grooms party would be up for all hiring the exact same suit?

My OH was a bit unsure on what to do so we decided that the grooms party would buy their own shoes, shirt and tie while OH brought the suits. We asked them to get black shoes, white shirts and black tie and as these are pretty common colours they would wear them again so them buying them wouldn’t really be an issue and luckily it wasn’t.

OH then brought the 3 piece suits for them as we wanted them to look similar to each other. Has your OH thought of maybe doing it this way? Men normally get more use out of suits anyways so them buying some bits were fine.

'Luckily' our bridal party men will be in kilts, so it's a case of just hiring a package with the whole lot included except the shirt. Unluckily, my H2B's tartan is not common so it's proving difficult to get hold of.

I think the mis-matched suits look fab, and unfortunately if you do specify a specific colour and shoe then I don't think it's fair for them to have to pay themselves... unless it's something they will happily wear many more times.

Thank you guys for the replies so far, really appreciate it

Couple of things:

Cupcake, luckily he hasn't asked them yet so we are still in the discussing (arguing haha) stage at the moment. Can I ask where you hired from? That price would be a lot more manageable than the links he is sending me!

Hiring is definitely an option, I'm a little apprehensive because I've heard so many horror stories, whereas with buying, once they're bought, it's all done and no last minute problems. Certainly not ruling it out though and we'll look into pricing for that.

I have shown OH the picture I posted and he says he likes it - which is what is frustrating me so much. If he likes how that looks then why is he so set on them having the exact same thing, at a pretty high cost?

We know that we will buy the ties/pocketsquares as we want those to match, and cufflinks will probably be their gift (like the jewellery will be the bridesmaids' gifts).

Fleur, I wish we were French! Life would be so much easier haha

For now we have agreed to leave it, as it's all being done over messages while we're at work and it's a discussion that we really need to have in person.

Thanks again ladies, it's great to have somewhere to vent

On the shoes issue. Finding a shoe that fits and is comfortable for all the men will be nearly impossible - not all feet are the same.

I don't think you (or your OH, rather) can expect the groomsmen to pay for their own suit if you are prescribing the suit.

However, hiring the suits would seem like a less expensive option and your OH would get his way of having them all be matchy matchy.

I wouldn't expect attendants to pay for an outfit they don't get any say in - and that goes for bridesmaids or groomsmen. Equally, I wouldn't dictate on shoes, save that they all be the same colour - even considering paying £110 x 7 for shoes is madness in my opinion, literally no one is going to look at their feet! Your OH sounds like a Groomzilla ?

We are hiring suits and we are paying, as we want everyone to match (except OH has got a different coloured waistcoat and cravat). I'm sure Burton Formal Hire have prices on their website, and the groom goes free when booking a certain number of suits. With that you'll get the shirt, cravat, waistcoat, jacket and trousers. Burtons are also a national chain, so I wouldn't foresee last minute disasters.

Lol sorry misread it a bit then!

Just checked our spreadsheet and it was just over £400 so even better! Everyone has same suit and waistcoat but the groom has an ivory cravet whereas the others have navy.

It was at Slaters - they do an offer where you get 5 suits for the of 4!

xXx

Blimey, I think he's asking a bit much. We bought H's suit and the best man's, my dad bought the same to match (bless him we did offer) then we bought those three plus my brother matching ties, that was it! My best friend hired and they got dads, his brother (best man) and their nephew. H's best friend just got the groom and best man. (hired, but super expensive)

I agree on shoe comfort too, my husband is so fussy with shoes that he insisted on wearing his old faithfuls for our wedding!

Personally I don't think suits need to match, and shoes definitely don't (if they all had say black shoes no-one would notice the difference) but if your OH is keen, maybe stress he should be special. They can match each other but be different to him I.e. not £110 shoes and expensive suits! After all your bridesmaids will complement you but I'm sure they won't match!

We're hiring suits. Our local wedding hire shop has a package deal, pay for 5, get a 6th free, perfect for the size of our grooms party. That's a complete package, so shirt, cravat, suit, pocket square, waistcoat. It's £100 per "package". We're paying for that, and the men can all source their own shoes. You can't really specify they all have the same shoes, they need to be comfortable for wearing all day. We'll probably get them cufflinks for their "gift".

With regard to the hiring and measurements etc, it's really simple, each man goes to the hire shop separately over the next few months, gets measured and we then have final fittings and pick up the suits on the week of the wedding. We're leaving my son till four weeks before the wedding for measurement as he's still growing.

Deposit for half the hire cost was paid with the remainder being due 4 weeks before the wedding, but we can pay it off sooner or in instalments if we wish.

If you are going to hire though, I'd make sure you use somewhere on a recommendation, we've used a shop that a couple of friends have used before with no problems.