help/advice on how to involve sister in hen weekend planning

Get your bridesmaids to organise your hen, your sister has had her chance. If she decides to get in a strop about it, just brush it off, that's her problem. If she demands to get involved (that if she is still invited), then perhaps give her the decision as to any fancy dress themes, little activity ideas, or something like that. She sounds like she has a bad attitude, and if it were my sister, I would tell her to snap out of it or she can't come to the hen, as you have better things to worry about than her childish behaviour and making it all about her. It's all about you, and she may be feeling jealous - I don't know, but it wouldn't suprise me.

She's 23! My OH sees it much more clearly than me. I want to compromise because I hate arguing with anyone and I think if I had some way of keeping her involved it would soften the blow, also I know it's upsetting my mum that we're arguing.

I'm quite soft with her so she does quite often get her own way and I think there is a bit of jealousy in there. But I just think she's my sister I don't want to fall out with her... maybe this is the time I have to out my foot down. Just really sad about it all.

Could it be that she is struggling to come up with ideas for your hen do so feels like she's letting you down and acting up rather than admitting she needs help??

To be fair you're going to have to give her the full 2 weeks you agreed upon in your compromise and then perhaps have a chat with her about whether she does really want to organise or would rather help with something else.

Hmm, you say she is used to getting her own way. You also said that she's annoyed you've asked other people & not just her. She's being stroppy because she wanted to be your only bridesmaid (I'm surmising that's what you meant) & I think everything is stemming from that, do you think that is the case? Also, you're trying to remain peace keeper when she clearly has no thought to the hurt she's also causing your Mum & Dad. Could your Mum have a word with her & explain it's upsetting her as much as it's upsetting your plans?

(I understand this might be difficult on her part)I'd try & sit down with your sister & get her to explain why she's behaving the way she is, if it's because she wanted to be your only bridesmaid, try saying to her it doesn't make her any less important, she's your sister & you want her to play an important part in your day that's why you wanted her to organize the hen party, because it's such an important role for you to give to somebody. Also explain why it's important to you that you have your friends as BM's. Has she got her own set of friends? If it was her getting married what would she do? She'd want her closest friends to share her special day surely? Or, like someone else has pointed out, maybe she feels out of her depth organizing a whole weekend for so many people. In which case explain to her you understand & that there is no shame in asking for some help from your other maids.

Hope this has been helpful & hope you sort it out soon, sending hugs x

I guess it's possible she's struggling, although I have her a spreadsheet of options, things I would like and wouldn't. But maybe she didn't realise how much of a big task it would be.

shes really not one to talk, we never know what's going on in her head, she seems to get angry and will sulk when there's something bothering her. My mum has tried nut she just gets the silent treatment then. I have given her the option of stepping down, but she's so stubborn shed never ask for help, so maybe it's that. Perhaps on the weekend, when the two weeks is up,I can suggest that the others come up with some ideas and she can have the final say, or she can allocate certain jobs to everyone but then remains the main coordinator.

Thanks for the comments, it's nice to hear an opinion from outside the situation.

If you're having a whole weekend, could each of them organise a different part so e.g she is in charge of activity Saturday day? That way, if it is overwhelming for her she has less pressure but your other bms, who are obviously excited and full of ideas, get to help plan too?

Definitely something that I could suggest to take the pressure of her and get the others involved! Thanks

No worries. Hope it sorts itself out! I started organising mine myself but got too stressed (not with that bit was just adding to it!) so a couple of friends took over and it was a brilliant weekend so don't let the rocky start take the excitement away - it will be worth it in the end

Thanks again, i suppose something had to be stressful, it's all been running a bit smoothly up till now!

OH says shes needs a good slap.... i think it gets to a point though when shes clearly not going to grow out of it and its just the way she is!

I don't quite know how to inoffensively say this (as I am not intending to offend in the slightest) but... is your sister on the autistic spectrum? Some of the behaviours you spoke of sound fairly like someone with Asperger's.

I really wish it wasn't so hard to ask these things but in the past I've seen people react badly to questions such as this.

ps. I hope it all goes well, I'm choosing to not have my sister as a BM because I can only imagine it would be this and worse. Seriously, gagging noises at pretty princess dresses and all

Hi - don't worry i'm not offended. No she's not, i think she is just very selfish and used to getting her own way/being the centre of attention.

Sister's ey!

The two weeks has passed, and as soon as i brought up the weekend her atitude completely changed (had been ok up to that point!). I tried to comprimise suggesting that I'd put too much pressure on one person and that maybe it'd be easier for her to delegate to other BMs to help - that way things would have got done, but she would still have been in charge of the organising. My mum had made a similar siggestion in the week and it had gone down well, so I was hoping this would have gone better. She flipped starting shouting saying she wants to do it but theres loads of time - she will do it when she has time. Again hoping to comprimise i said ok but how much time (shes away the next couple of weekends and then three weeks in august so we're looking at lease a couple of months. She wouldn't commit to a timeframe. I tried to suggest some babysteps but all i got was shouted at. eventually i left as i was getting nowehere.

i have since spoken to my other BMs and they've got folders full of ideas and brochures so have agreed they can do it between them. They will try to involve my sister but i have put all the emphasise on it being her decision if she wants to be involved she can, if not - her decision.

I can't believe it has got to this stage with her, but when i told her that i made the decision all she said was 'whatever' and tried to put it all back on me. I hope she will stay involved, but i can see her being too stubborn.

On the positive side i now have 4 very excited BMS who were jumping up and down with excitement (in contrast to a two week wait, and then a yeah response!)

Sounds like you've made the best of a tricky situation - and you now have a positive outcome which is great!!!

Fingers crossed she starts to behave like an adult now!

Glad you've got it sorted. Not necessarily exactly what you wnated but I think all round the best outcome. You've got 4 giddy excited people doing this rather than one press-ganged uninterested person.

She maybe doesn't feel part of the girl gang and that's contributed to her behaviours. At least it's sorted now.

I've been thinking what I'm going to do - it will be me that organises it and it might be just me and darling daughter, but I've just a got a groupon through for an all inclusive in Sharm el Sheik in March (other dates available) for 5 nights - £299 - hmmmmmmm

Definately made the right decision - the other 4 have already got ideas together and have asked for names of people to go they are going to start contacting of the next week or so, had so many excited texts, finally got a smile back on my face. Plus the next time i see my sister will be my birthday so she will hopefully put everything behind us fingers crossed!

One bm doesn't know the other 3, but they seem to have made her feel welcome and i know they wil be trying to do the same with my sister - but its on her now to grow up or lose out.

That groupon sounds amazing - why not treat yourself and your daughter ?