Help..my bridesmaid 'unfriended' me?

What exactly did your brother's email say?

It's getting close to the wedding now, I'd be straight on the phone asking her if she still wants to be bridesmaid.

Blimey! Have you called or texted her to ask what's going on?

I would go and speak with her face to face.

This is a funny one because I've only ever received the snippets of my brother's messages, though they all seem to have flown off the handle over this one without showing me what was said. My brother did call me after he sent it to apologise, so I can only guess he knew it was overboard. He was however very angry as the bridesmaid mentioned in my first post had tried to organise a pamper day and a hen night with willies, both of which I'd hate and completely clashed with his plans. Another bridesmaid had made various excuses for not being part of any of my hen activities and made him out to be disorganised and useless, though I later discovered he'd asked her to find some prices for him and she hadn't bothered. It's ironic that it' taken 3 months to organise a hen which was so disasterous it got scrapped, yet H2B and I sorted a sten night for next week in 30 minutes :-)

Hmm, I don't see that she's "severed communications" (as I think she's simply being a bit petty and reactionary on FB). Have you phoned her? Or gone to see her?

We said 1st April with an absolute deadline of 17th April due to the caterer's terms. My Mum confirmed with the caterer on 18th April so by this time it was too late. We rang around after people for those 2 weeks between times which we said we weren't going to do.

It's not the first time, first of all she was going to return it the Tuesday before last, then said it wasn't done and she'd swing by this week. That leaves today or tomorrow as she's away this weekend and she's not contacted me about either.

I've dropped her a text and said I hope all is well. I casually aired that we need the dress back by Wednesday for pressing ready for the wedding. For now, I'm going to act as though I haven't noticed.

And if she doesn't reply?

I agree with Jo. You are just letting stuff happen to you. Let's see what happens if my elderly neighbours don't RSVP, let's see what happens if I pretend my brother didn't bawl the BMs out over FB.

Phone her or go and see her.

I would be going to speak with her face to face. Text/email/fb stuff is rubbish in sensitive situations. I'm guessig she feels offended on a few counts and your casual text and so on could easily be misinterpreted.

Baffles me what passes for a friend these days. None of the people I asked to be bridesmaid would ever have acted like this.

I'm sorry but if my brother had sent a message to my closest friends in a 'fit of rage', I would be straight round to see him and demanding to either be shown it, or told exactly word for word what had been said, I would not accept 'snippets'. Although I understand you did not send the message, and therefore it is petty of her to de-friend you, you do not know what he has said. He could have said anything, maybe even implied that you had asked him to send it, which might have majorly upset her.

She sounds like:

But honestly? What kind of petty *** is that?? "defriending" you on facebook because someone said something she didn't like?

Childish, immature, pathetic mentality.

Sorry if that's really harsh but I never have the time for people like that.

I hope you get everything sorted, with or without her.

I agree with this. Since said email was the catalyst, surely it would make sense to read it?

Just go round, what are you waiting for!

Yes she is being utterly childish but you need to know what's going on!

It all sounds rather petty. Maybe she's just had enough! I don't understand why your brother is even getting in a 'fit of rage' ??

This....

I have to admit that I'm not sure I'd like to be part of your bridal party ?. It all sounds very dramatic / like hard work.

Make the decision if you want to keep her friendship and if you do then go and fix it. The onus is on you to make this right.

You asked her to be bridesmaid, then asked her son to be pageboy because he would be cute on the pictures. When the little boy had a tantrum because he didn't want to dress up as a pageboy you then said he couldn't come to the wedding and you wouldn't pay for his dinner.

Your friend tried to do something nice for you (ie set up a hen becasue the other bridesmaids didn't want to do what your brother was organising). At this point you, as her friend, didn't step into pur oil on troubled waters but let your brother get into a screeching rage and start hurling abuse about. All the BMs chose not to come to the day your brother/Mum/you planned, not just because they would rather give you a more girly hen, but because your brother has behaved like a nightmare and you let him.

So then you cancelled both hen dos, and your BM has had enough and disconnected herself. Frankly I'm not surprised. Only you can fix this if you want to. She has other prioirties right now, as a parent, and your hen night isn't top of her list, but the fact that the other BMs backed out too suggests that your brother (and you by inaction) have hacked everyone off.

I hope you get it sorted.

Editing to say that I'm sorry this comes across as so harsh. Just putting how it must seem for her point of view. You considered her a close enough friend to make her BM so don't let this moment of prewedding madness (we all have them) lose the friendship. In a years' time it will be too broken to fix and you'll both regret it.

Do people not talk to each other anymore??

Speak to your brother and ask to see the email. Go round or phone your bm.

You are all acting like children and its tiring to read, let alone be in the middle of it.

And if I recall, didn't your brother previously go off on one about a joint hen/stag do?

RE your £100 dress, i'd imagine she genuinely has taken it to get it altered - I doubt she would agree to be your BM and go along with everything until now just to steal the dress. I'm sure if everything goes tiddles up then she will return it to you.

Hasn't your brother bawled at everyone before? To me, It seems like your brother is the start of this problem, yes he is family but if he is upsetting your close friends you need to say something! Does he have to have his own way all the time, and causes problems from not getting it?

A blunt reminder that this is your day and not his might do the trick.

If she is from such a wealthy background i hardly believe shes "run off" with a £100 dress

YOU!! Need to regain control of your wedding and the people involved you can't prance your was through the final 2 week with what ifs and maybes. Sorry if it sounds harsh but like others have pointed out you and your day are not her #1 priority her child and everyday life are her priorities. If this was me I would have been getting in contact with her the moment I had noticed what she had done.

Ooh good choice! Love Yellow Tail.

Just figured we could all do with a drink

I particularly enjoy how the bottle is empty. Story of my life.

Or 3 ?

Right, firstly I agree with a lot that has been said already.

You have got to stop pretending this isn't happening and get it under control. Why are you letting your brother send snotty emails? Wtf has it got to do with him anyway? Why are you not going mad at him and asking to see what he is written?

Stop texting your bm and talk to her.

Its your wedding so take back the control and stop ignoring everything. The whole thing sounds like hard work.

Stacey - how about a few bottles and a couple of straws? ?

I'm liking the idea ?

No update? Wonder what happened.