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Beginner July 2022 West Sussex

Hen do

Jenn, 9 May 2022 at 17:54 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 5

It’s my hen do in a few weeks time and I’ve had some input into what we are doing etc. but I am a little disappointed that I am having to pay for it. Whilst I would never expect anyone to pay for me, on all previous hen dos I have been on, we have paid for the hen. This is something I would always do. I just feel a little disheartened and I know I shouldn’t

5 replies

Latest activity by Alex, 11 May 2022 at 15:48
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    It is so hard as everyones finances are different, but can see where you are coming from if you have historically paid for the bride and if it is same group of friends who are now not paying for you I can see how this might feel a bit unfair, and also to have not known so now need to find funds. On mine they wouldn't let me pay for anything, even drinks when we were out and I felt awful as I personally don't think the hens should pay for the bride cost in full, unless it is a meal or drinks only. Nowadays with going away and doing activities over a few days the cost soon adds up so I would rather have paid my way l. Hopefully they have organised what you want and you can go and have a fab time x
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  • Yorkshirelass
    Expert July 2022 Surrey
    Yorkshirelass ·
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    I paid for all mine myself actually- a night in a hotel and spa and the train fare there!. I paid for one bottle of wine the whole time and everyone else bought me drinks so that was nice but I didn’t expect they would pay. It’s not how it’s been done with my friends before so I suppose it depends on who your group is. Hopefully you will still have s good time!
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  • Chloe
    Rockstar July 2023 Cornwall
    Chloe ·
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    I completely get why you're feeling disheartened if you've paid for the bride in the past. I think the question comes down to whether your hens are all people who have previously chipped in with you for other brides/brides that you have previously paid for - if so then it's a bit crummy of them but hopefully they'll make up for it with what they've planned and treat you to some nice things while you're there, if it's a different group they may just simply have different expectations of how hen dos work so while it might feel unfair to you that's not something that can fall back on them as it might be that the hen dos they've been on previously the bride has paid.

    It's a really awkward one and so difficult to bring up - my hen's being planned as a surprise but I have no idea whether I'm contributing to the cost or not so I do emphasise!

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  • Sinéad
    Dedicated October 2022 Cork
    Sinéad ·
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    I'm sorry to hear this. I do understand that funds might be tight and maybe the hen they chose is already expensive for people. At every hen I've been too the hen is paid for. The organisers usually add on 10- 20 to the total cost to cover the bride. I think this is a great way to do it it a nice thing to do for your friend.
    I was totally willing to pay for myself but I've sisters who are paying for me so I'm lucky. We have meals included in the package we got and I will be paying my own way on the nights out.
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  • A
    Beginner September 2024 Cheshire
    Alex ·
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    Sorry to hear you’re feeling disheartened but if I was one of the people organising it or attending and I read this, I would be absolutely devastated.

    A massive amount of effort will have gone into organising it, and don’t forget all the little costs - outfits, transport, child/pet care for the day/weekend - will really, really add up for your guests. They may even have splashed out on a surprise for you that you don’t even know about!!

    Also, while the people organising it may appear to be doing okay, it’s impossible to know how they’re actually doing financially. The cost of living has increased so substantially, so many people are worrying/struggling post-Covid, and yet they’re still making the financial effort to be there for you - even though they’re not covering your costs.
    Your hen and wedding might be so important to you, but they aren’t going to be at the top of everyone else’s list of financial priorities. Would you rather they compromised on other costs? Surely not.
    I’m planning my wedding but am also a maid of honour for a bride who is set on going abroad for her hen. I am almost certain I can’t afford to go, I’m absolutely terrified to have to tell her, and to potentially be losing a friend over money.
    I’m sure that deciding not to cover your costs was an incredibly difficult decision for them.
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