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Beginner October 2025 Essex

Hen do

Chloe, 24 January, 2024 at 20:17 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 25

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Hi girls I’m just after a bit of hen do advice really as it’s really stressing me out 😩

I have 4 bridesmaids and one of them is mainly dealing with organising the hen do. We’d all originally said we’d be so up for going abroad if it was within everyone’s budgets etc and I made it so clear from day 1 that if it just wasn’t possible I wouldn’t care where we all went and what we did just as long as everyone could make it.
I’ve now been told that my hen has been booked as they didn’t want to miss a particular deal but only 5 of them are coming because the others just couldn’t afford it and it was also in the week so childcare issues etc which I fully understand. The girls who can’t come have made it clear to me they’d love to come and they’re so sad they’re not but it was all very rushed and it was very much ‘we’re booking this if you don’t come then that’s up to you’ basically. It all feels very rushed and I feel so sad that not everyone is coming when I know they would if more time was spent to look for maybe other deals. We don’t get married until end of 2025.
My bridesmaid is adamant they wouldn’t come anyway and says 5 out of 10 is great and is so excited but I can’t help but feel a bit let down and sad that those I want there won’t all be there. I’m finding it so difficult to say something as I don’t want to come across unappreciative of what they’ve booked but really unsure how to handle this or if I should say anything at all? They’ve said they’ll organise a second hen in the UK maybe an afternoon out somewhere so I don’t know whether to just enjoy the 2 hen dos or whether to say something and see if they can change their booking to something where everyone could perhaps come?
Please help a very stressed out bride to be 🙈😩

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Latest activity by Joe, 21 October, 2026 at 09:29

Dedicated July 2024 West Midlands
SL WaltonJones · 25 January, 2024 at 11:39
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Enjoy both hen dos! It's very rare to get everyone together at the same time anyway. You've got the best of both worlds with two occasions to celebrate
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Dedicated August 2024 East London
Ivana · 27 January, 2024 at 19:48
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You made it clear you want all of them to be present, and if someone cannot afford it then they would have to organise something within everyone's budget.
Sounds like the person who has booked the holiday, has booked it for herself as she completely disregarded what you said, definitely doesn't care if everyone made it by what you have said. The fact that she said she will organise an afternoon together or something in the UK, afterwards she's enjoyed the holiday is weird. Why not just do that in the first place so everyone can come? Why do half of them have to miss out on this experience because of a rushed decision to book a good deal.
To me if you said you want all of them there then that is what you need to stand for. The person booking it completely disregarded what you said.
Even if you say enjoy both hen dos, how will you go away on a holiday without half of them, knowing the rest couldn't make it and actually wanted to come and be there for you and with you? I don't know, but that's my opinion.
Have a discussion again and see where everyone is at and if everyone is fine with just half of you going away and then doing something else after. If everyone is fine with it then you have your answer. Personally for me, it is not nice so yeah I wouldn't have it.
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Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 28 January, 2024 at 08:50
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5 out of 10 is great and your bridesmaid is excited? Has anyone pointed out to her that it's your hen do, not hers, so it doesn't really matter how excited she is if you're not?
It sounds as if she has booked what she wants without regard for you or the other 5 hens who can't come.
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Ontario
Duncan · 16 March, 2025 at 19:52
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Sounds like such a fun hen do plan! If you're still looking for ideas to keep everyone entertained, maybe try some online games? I've seen some people adding a few rounds of games from Cresus casino just for fun — nothing too serious, but definitely a way to spice up the evening!
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Savvy January 2020 Tyne & Wear
Marryme · 17 March, 2025 at 05:58
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It does sound like your bridesmaids had good intentions, but maybe things were a bit rushed. If it’s really upsetting you, I think it’s fair to have an open chat with them and just express how you feel. Not in a way that sounds ungrateful, but just so they understand why you’re feeling a bit down about it. If changing the plans isn’t possible, at least you’ll have the second hen do where everyone can be involved! Either way, try to focus on the fun and the memories you’ll make. Hope it all works out! 💕
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:06
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:10
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:20
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:21
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:22
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:23
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:24
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:25
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:26
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:27
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:28
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Joe · 21 October, 2026 at 09:29
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