Hen do drama!

I don't think you're alone - bridesmaid problems are almost the norm these days. If you want a laugh about how some bridemsaids can behave, google for 'bridesmaidzilla'... it certainly gave me food for thought!

I'd suggest confronting them & some 'tough love' - they need to get their act together. I know it's early but the earlier you do it, the more time everyone has to save & ensure they are free for the party. Plus, if you do it through a specialised company, everyone has the option to pay off in their own time, little by little.

It's s shame they haven't shown any interest but my advice is to pull them up on it, without being too 'diva-ish' - just state the facts & ask them for their support.... It's what they are there for, after all!

Hiya, I live in the Birmingham area and we are goint to Nottingham for my hen do. My sister organised it all. The hen do is in August (wedding September 2013) and I think we booked it just before Christmas. We've booked through Redseven and they take monthly direct debits off everyone, we are going Friday - Sunday in a 4 star hotel where there is a spa, priority entry to a night club on the Friday night, cocktail making class on the Saturday evening and priority night club entry on the Saturday night. The swimming pool etc is free but you pay if you want treatments obviously. I think the total cost was £130 each (which I thought was a bargain) and each party member could either pay up front or by monthly direct debits of about £20. I have 10 people coming, who are all fine with paying by direct debit, my MIL and SIL couldnt afford it though (annoyed.com).

There are lots of different companies who do different packages :-) hope this helps

I feel your pain.

My BM hasn't done anything for mine either I have people who aren't local that would like to attend etc too.

I'm going to be so upset when they can't come because they haven't had enough notice, but at the same time don't know how to force someone to organise something either.

If I was you I would organise it regardless. And I agree with tough love, it sounds like they don't understand that their excitement is a key part in being a bridesmaid. You have given them plenty of time, but also, if they decide not to go them don't let it ruin your do!

To be honest, I'd just organise it then send them the details and predicted costs.

Not all bridesmaids are into the wedding planning so don't worry about that so much.

This, unless they are going to sulk.

I ended up doing this with one of them, and left the other one with the BM, 4 months later they still haven't arranged anything.

I had the same problem with my mum & sister. They had 9 months to save £100 and book time off for one day at a spa for my hen do. My hen do is in two weeks today and they aren't coming. If they're not going to make the effort then they don't deserve to come & they are going to be the ones missing out xx

As long as its affordable for all it shouldn't be a problem.

I've had invites to hen weekends away and it gets into silly money one was £300 each and there was more on top. I felt pushed out.

Get it all organised and the let them know the cost. x

Thanks guys, it's nice to know it's not just me!

We were thinking of doing a package but then the 2 who are being a pain moaned that it'd probably be cheaper to book separately, but then doing that you don't have the flexibility of payment plans like you get with the package companies.

I think tough love may have to be the way. The worst thing is, one of them got married last year and her MOH didn't do anything or come to either of her hen dos and she moaned like mad about her and now she's being like that with me!

Grrrr! Thank god for my good BM or I'd probably go mad!

Why don't you set up a bank account for them to pay £25 a month into and then by the time you go away they will have enough to pay for it.

Do they normally go out a lot? Some people just dont like going away for the weekend for various reasons. Especially if they have family etc.

It doesnt neccesarily mean they don't want to celebrate with you , they just might feel uncomfortable about it or the cost?

Hi there - I feel your pain (sort of). I had heard many people say that organising the hen do was more hassle than the wedding itself and they are not too far wrong tbh. I wasnt going to have a HN but my 2 BF's said not a chance and went about arranging it for me - it was a nightmare for them with people changing their minds, not responding to the invites, generally moaning, etc BUT we had a fantastic night in the end, all the problems were forgotten and every enjoyed themselves.

So I cant really help with regards to sorting your BM's other than to echo what everyone else has said (just tell em how it is and to get on with it), its your night, do what you want to do. And if mine is anything to go by you will have a great time regardless of the issues had leading up it.

Best of luck

x

Only problem with a package through a company is that they require numbers and dpeosits for all people, if people drop out you may still be liable to pay the full cost of the package for them if its a late cancellation.

I think everyone has the same issue - my BM is also my SIL...has she helped or offered to help? NO and she isn't going too. I wish some people would realise this our day (the bride!) and we can't deal with pettiness.... rant over!!!!

I have to be honest, I don’t really understand why brides expect their bridesmaids to be so excited and enthusiastic over WP. It’s not everyones cup of tea.

How much are you wanting them to spend? For me personally if my friend expected me to pay more than £100 for her hen do I would not be happy. I am skint every month, and I would guess that most people are these days, so the last thing people want to do is add in another monthly cost saving up for something that isn’t even really for them!

Work it out, give them the price, they will either agree to it or they won’t. You shouldn't be offended if they don’t want to come (if the cost is too high), remember people have their own stuff going on.

For comparison, I live near Birmingham, we went to Nottingham to do an activity (£40 each). We took 3 cars between us. I drove one of them. Then we came back home to get ready, and went out in Lichfield town. Me and my mum split the cost of the minibus to take and return everyone to their own house, and we all chipped into the meal cost, then just bought drinks as and when we wanted them. So other than the £40 (which was paid weeks ahead) it only cost everyone as much as they were happy to spend.

I'm afraid that I wouldn't want to spend over £100 on a hen do either.

It isn't just the cost is it? It's the transport, and food, and drinks, and something to wear. As well as whatever one needs to provide for the wedding to be a bridesmaid (shoes or whatever/overnight accomodation/hairdo) and a wedding present. It is your day, and as a BM people love to share it with you, but they don't always have the disposable income to pay out what amounts to hundreds of pounds for your wedding. Maybe they just don't want to let you down and don't know how to broach the fact that thay can't afford it?

Not just you at all. Well I may as well pile on now, my SIL promised to come, let me book it and then dropped without three weeks later without paying me a penny. Wouldn't have minded her not coming, she's a single Mum, but would have preferred to know before for a ran up a £130 bill for her place. She's the only BM not coming, the other three are fab.

I must admit I take OB's and ravioliruby's view on this. I wouldn't want to commit to something a year away, and I have found it very difficult in the past when brides have asked me on hen-dos which i could not afford. I was invited to a stag do last summer which i would have loved to go to, but couldn't afford as i was out of work. If i had committed to spending so much money far in advance I would have been really stuck as i just would not have been able to afford it!

I would hope that no matter where my do that my BMs would all attend. I live in Manchester but am getting married in my home town (near London) but im having my hen in Manc. We are not doing anything big though. Im just pleased they are travelling to see me.

We all know times are hard. However, here I dont think the issue is money...............

I lost my job too just after Christmas, things have been tight so I understand the struggle.

However, I also do believe that if you love your friend you will find a way. I have done it for my friends and I know they are doing it for me. Personally, its not about spa treatments or VIP this and that, its being about to be there. I have been broken recently without a job, but Ive made the effort, even if i cant travel, to send a bunch of flowers. write a limerick, send a text..........

It is great if your night is over £100 and you are offering the option of spreading the cost. You are giving everyone an option then.....

Unfortunately the rest is up to them.............

I would hope that no matter where my do that my BMs would all attend. I live in Manchester but am getting married in my home town (near London) but im having my hen in Manc. We are not doing anything big though. Im just pleased they are travelling to see me.

We all know times are hard. However, here I dont think the issue is money...............

I lost my job too just after Christmas, things have been tight so I understand the struggle.

However, I also do believe that if you love your friend you will find a way. I have done it for my friends and I know they are doing it for me. Personally, its not about spa treatments or VIP this and that, its being about to be there. I have been broken recently without a job, but Ive made the effort, even if i cant travel, to send a bunch of flowers. write a limerick, send a text..........

It is great if your night is over £100 and you are offering the option of spreading the cost. You are giving everyone an option then.....

Unfortunately the rest is up to them.............

Tbh I cant be arsed with the hassle that hen dos can bring and I certainly don't expect anyone else to organise anything on my behalf. A few have asked what I'd like to do and mad nights out, girlygirly spa sessions and weekends away just aren't my thing. So I think I'm just going to do a Facebook invited event for a jazz night in a town restaurant. Easy done, right up my street, relaxed, pretty cheap and I'd get to see my gorgeous friends play their fab music. sorted! :0)