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Beginner June 2022 Greater Manchester

Hen Do let down

Sarah, 17 February, 2022 at 00:03 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 1

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Hello,

Just wanting some advice - my situation is slightly different in that I actually got married last year, it happened quickly as a parent was terminally ill. We got married in secret and then announced it at a party later, it was the best day.
My oldest friend and I have been friends for 20 years. She knew about the wedding (and the reasons why we were doing it) but didn’t come, saying she had too much work to do.
Now nearly 12 months later I am having a belated hen do which is being organised by some lovely friends. Friend mentioned above has messaged me to say she isn’t coming because a) she has lots on that month, b) she wants to go on holiday with her boyfriend (she’s not long been with him), and c)tight budget.
I completely understand hens can be pricey, but I can’t help but feel so let down by my friend. She’s missed two big events in my life for what I feel are not good enough reasons.
I’m so hurt - has our friendship ran it’s course?
Xx

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Latest activity by xkimx007, 21 February, 2022 at 23:26

Beginner October 2022 South Yorkshire
xkimx007 · 21 February, 2022 at 23:26
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Hi Sarah,
Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about the terminal illness in your family.
I have to say that I do agree with you about your friend though, I don't think the reasons they have given are good enough for missing out on these big events. It would make me feel like work and her new boyfriend are bigger priorities than your 20 year friendship.
It's really sad but sometimes the effort we put into friendships just isn't reciprocated. I think it's probably time to take a bit of a step back from this friendship for your own mental health. Unequal friendships are very draining. If they care, they will notice you taking a step back and will make an effort/reach out. If they don't...well actions speak louder than words (although in this case the words are pretty poor too).
Chin up and focus on all the other lovely friends that have been there for you and don't make you question if they care x
p.s. playing devil's advocate slightly, if this behaviour is out of character for your friend it may be worth speaking to her first. Perhaps there is something else at play here that is causing her to act this way.
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