Hen do panic! (BM in need of help!)

Does it have to be magaluf?

there are some great other destinations where you might feel safer but still offer the same sort of feel - im no expept on these sort of locations but what about Ibiza, Murcia, Malaga or somewhere different like Amsterdam, not too far, pretty safe and still has a wild side

you could also organise not so party animal things to do at whichever location you go to

biggest issue is it practical though? I was going to go abroad but half my girls dont have passports so it would be a nightmare trying to get everyone sorted, also if price is high a lot of people cant go - ive seen hen dos for £300-£500 and theres no way I could afford that or any of my BM's, that the price of a family holiday

I agree with the above (though I don't think I've ever met anyone without a passport...that bit surprised me!!)...have you spoken to the other BMs? I'd resent paying £500 for a hen do when that could be a little weekend away with my family. Just me though, and I had DD very young...I know lots of free and single people would disagree.

Could it be that you're not the only one that would like the quieter activities? If everyone is up for the trip perhaps you could organise some other fun things like cocktail classes or something sporty, then you can just say "I'm really excited for the trip but the clubbing aspect makes me nervous, so I'll duck out of that bit". You're an adult and (especially seeing as you're paying so much) are entitled to spend the trip by the pool and hanging out, not just getting sh*tfaced, and you might find others feel the same. Also, there's nothing to stop you coming out for a drink or two then getting a taxi home rather than not leaving with them at all. Most of the fun of a girly night out is the getting ready, drinks and buildup IMO (anyway...that's the bit people can remember most vividly!)

I don't think it needs to be as bad as you anticipate. If I knew one of my BMs was coming somewhere like that even if I knew it wasn't her scene, I'd really appreciate it. Maybe you could explain to her and compromise that you'd come out for dinner and a few drinks and then you could call it a night when they go off clubbing?

It doesn't have to be too expensive either. My OH is going for his stag do in July and they are paying (I think) about £175 including flights to stay in a 4 star hotel for 4 nights. Perhaps also you could look at going in September time, when Magaluf in general will be a bit quieter than in the height of the season. Ibiza can be a little bit more upmarket (in certain areas), but it definitely won't be cheap.

I know it's hard not knowing anyone, but it will give you a good opportunity to get to know the other girls. Then you will know even more people on the day of the wedding too

I think that most hen parties involve mingling with a lot of people you don't know - you're all part of different areas of the brides life and would never have had a reason to cross paths if it weren't for the fact she is getting married. It's (usually) quite easy to get involved with all of the other guests for exactly that reason, you're all in the same boat!

As far as the activities involved, I think that to a certain extent you do have to suck it up - it's her hen. If your bride wants to dance the night away, be it Magaluf or Brighton then I think you should muster as much enthusiasm as possible and put your dancing shoes on (how much you choose to drink is up to you, nobody can force you into it).

That being said, I would never expect my hens to pay more than what they can afford so if this is a problem for some guests, you should speak to the organiser sooner rather than later.

I think that you are probably worrying about it too much and that it won't be as bad as you are expecting.

How about renting an apartment instead of a hotel? That normally works out cheaper and at least you won't have other guests waking you up at night?

Ibiza is really expensive (I've been twice) so that rules that out but how about Tenerife or Benidorm etc which has an older population too as I believe that Magaluf is really young (although I've never been so I wouldn't know!)

I think that you will just have to grin and bear it I'm afraid. I think that you will have to compromise and make the effort to go out with them. If my bridesmaid came away to my hen do and went home every night after dinner, I would be really peed off to be honest. But, that's just me. You never know, you might surprise yourself and enjoy it! X

It's a lot of money for a weekend. There's no rule that says that the BM has to go to the hen. I already know that at least one of my BM's won't be coming on mine. Presumably, as it's going to be a wild one, it will be some time before the wedding? Maybe you could arrange something more sedate but fun and girly nearer the time and celebrate with the bride that way? Personally, I'd be gutted if one of my friends felt she had to "man up" and spend hundreds on something she really didn't want to do.

Funnily enough my bridesmaid spoke to me today as at a girls get together a spa / pamper day was decided for my hen doo. My bridesmaid explained she is not enjoying organizing ( shes the only adult bridesmaid) and could she delegate to someone as a pamper day would be the last thing she would want if it was her hen doo and she doesn't know what treatments to book etc. She's just noy into that sort of stuff.

The bottom line, she's my bridesmaid for a reason and if she isn't going to enjoy it nether will i, we'll do something else. I don't care, if i've got my friends with me that all that matters. Maybe you should speak to your friend from the heart and just tell her how you really feel. Us brides are more understanding that you think. x