Hen do stress

I think your stuck...

yes you should get what you want its YOUR party

but

I everyone else hates it no one will come (unlike the wedding hen dos arnt deemed necessary and are a lot of money for someone hows not interested)

as always maybe you need to compromise:

tell them you do NOT want 2 nights of drinking

give them a budget that they have to stick to (to stop over spending)

have you considered something like chocolate making etc.... where you dont have to get drunk

95% of me agrees with you, that the whole weekend should be arranged about what the bride will want and if others find that boring then that's their problem. I'm sure some people found my hen do boring. We rented a house, staying in both nights, ordered catering and went out to try clay shooting on one of the days. It was exactly what I wanted, a relaxing weekend with my friends.

5% does think though that these things should be planned with some thought to what others might want to do, and by that I mean considering whether there are activities planned that some people really won't want to do, or planning a weekend that is so regimented and packed that people don't have any time to relax at all.

I wouldn't be too worried that people might be bored, but you know your friends. What do you think the others would like to do? I know my friends would love the spa weekend.

Whatever you decide, try and refrain from being "if you don't like it, don't come" as this will inevitably lead to more problems down the line.

Find out what other people coming want to do - would they all enjoy surfing? I know I wouldn't come if that's what was planned, I guess you must have a lot of surfey friends...

I think you need to speak to your bms and explain that you don't want two nights of drinking but are willing to add another activity in perhaps?

If you end up going to Southampton then you don't have to get drunk you are in control of what you consume so I wouldn't worry about that side of things. It's a knockout looks like amazing fun too. I would send an email with the proposed options spa break, weekend in Southampton and go with the majority vote.

I think give guests an option - send an email saying what would preople prefer! I am lucky enough to be going away for my hen so I have said I don't care what we do when we are there as we're all together and thats the main thing. You need to make sure you are happy but also consider that its costly for people so you want them to look forward to it as well - good luck

This is excellent advice.

I organised mine with my sister in law and my mum and my 2 BMs came up with things to surprise me throughout the day / night.

Southampton? Wtf? ? I am in the minority here but I would tell them that you are getting the spa cottage and if they don't want to come they can have a night out in the kicking metropolis that is Southampton by themselves.

Brilliant!

Maybe your BMs think it will be boring for you as well and they are arranging everything with the best ineterest in their hearts, planning as if it was there own Hen do, after all, I think there is a huge pressure Hen and Stag dos are like the best night out ever.

I'd think your BMs, more than anyone, would know you are not the party animal, and all it could take is you voicing your concerns like you did to us, and letting them know your feelings, you wouldn't be happy with their plans, and you don't mind a "boring" hen do, and that's what you have in mind.

Have you tried to arrange a face to face to discuss this, as it is usually easier and better to put your feelings across?

Good luck!

I am with you on this. It is not playing the 'it's my hen do, like it or lump it' card, but it is actually supposed to be a weekend based around you, and with you in mind. I struggle to see how a nice night in a spa cottage is that offence to anyone, whereas 2 nights out and 'it's a knockout' would be to lots of people. Personally, I would just plan it yourself! That was you can tell people a definite plan, get excited, and they can get excited with you!

I'm with you on this one Becklarr - they can go to Southampton for their own hens when the time comes.

I think it's your hen party and you should therefore do what you want, it's important that you enjoy it. Your other BM's can go to Southampton for their own hen parties.

Although I agree that you should bare in mind whether other people will have a good time or not, I say do what YOU want.

Tell them that you would really like them to come and that they can feel free to do what they want on their hen do.

My sister and MOH sent me a form to fill in with all kinds of silly questions about what I want and don't want to do. I know that a few of my friends would love me to include assault courses, horses, roller coasters, nudity, dinosaurs, zombies, shots etc. but these made it onto my avoid list.

Then again, I have a few friends that hate shopping so I have also asked them to avoid any long shopping periods.

Agree!

I've had a similar but not completely the same issue.

I had discussed with my BMs about where we should go, Amsterdam was suggested and we worked out it would cost the same as it would cost to go somewhere in the UK. I'd always wanted to go there so BM 1 said we should go for it, BM 2 stopped replying to messages and has been nothing but awkward (I actually started a thread on this).

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is that despite BM2 being a pain, the feeling with the hens has been that it's my hen so they're more than happy to do whatever makes me happy.

Therefore..... Stick to your guns and do what you would prefer. They'll have their own hen weekends one day (probably), they can dictate what they do then.

wow... your avoid list sounds awesome, I love to know what the could do with zombies, roller coasters and dinosaurs ?

Thank you ladies. My & my CB have decided to take matters into our own hands and organise it ourselves ?