Hen night - my friend is being a cow!

What om earth can she have said to them to emotionally blackmail them into not attendimg your hen do?

What childish behaviour of all involved!

I couldn't be dealing with people like that. You are well rid by the sounds of things.

What a horrible situation! I'm guessing she disagrees with horse racing on grounds of animal welfare? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, so if she doesn't want to come then fair enough but to put off your other friends is WAY out of order! If you are brave enough I would try and have it out with her. Then maybe speak to your other friends to see if they will change their minds. I would also drop this girl as friend - what kind of friend ruins their friend's hen party!!!

You could still go to the races, and if you want to see your other friends maybe arrange a meal out with them? Hope you get it sorted - I've been let down by some people regarding my hen party, and it makes you feel like not bothering. Weddings do seem to reveal who your real friends are, as many other brides here will testify.

People who behave like that aren't really friends IMHO.

Say good riddance and enjoy your hen with the people who matter, I.e. people who care about you enough not to play games!

I don't really agree with horse racing for animal cruelty reasons, but I would keep my mouth shut and attend for the sake of my friend, and I most certainly wouldn't force anyone else into not attending! What a cow. I would speak to your friends and find out what she actually said to them, tell them how let down you feel, and if you don't get anywhere then just try and focus on having a good time with the people who care enough about you to attend. If they would do that to you then they're not really true friends.

WSS

Now I don't have a problem with horse racing so much, but I am a little uncomfortable with greyhound racing. I don't think anyone should compromise on their beliefs so I think it's ok if they don't want to go if they feel very strongly - I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to eat meat to please me and with some people, these views are just as strongly held. That said, making other people refuse to attend too is just plain odd. If she has that much of a problem, she should speak to the bride and suggest something else. Or not go and back off - involving other people is just plain rude and nasty. It feels very behind the back and spiteful - and cowardly for someone with apparently such strong beliefs.

OP - I'd actually challenge her on this and make it clear how hurt you are. I don't mean start a row or shout or anything, but this is meant to be a friend. I'd tell her that this comes across as childish and hurtful. Telling her, on your terms, now might be better than having a few drinks at the wedding (which is when I'd probably decide was a good time to tear strips off her - which would be the wrong thing to do, but in all honesty is what I'd probably end up doing!)

Thanks so much, I'm not a confrontational person, I know it is an animal welfare thing but the people involved won't tell me what exactly she has said. Also, it's all been done behind my back and in the meantime she has been nice as pie and taking me wedding shopping etc.

I'm just so mortified, feels like we're back at school and I'm embarrassed that my lovely H2B has had to put up with me bursting into tears all weekend. (but he is also not the confrontational type or I'd ask him to do some digging!).

I can't really tell anyone else what is going on as I don't want one of my more loyal friends to pick a fight with her at the wedding (if I end up making it up with her by then that is!), but they are bound to notice something is up when only a few people show up.

I'll have to think about what I do next but I really just needed a rant, thanks for the support!

Any chance someone else is just stirring up trouble and making this all sound awful? If you've known someone for a long time, then you'd have an idea in advance that they wouldn't like this if they've had this strong a reaction. Plus being lovely and going shopping with you is very strange. Maybe just check that this isn't an awful case of chinese whispers before getting too upset......

You would think that grown adults would know better. If your friend felt that strongly about it she should have simply excused herself. However, it sounds like your other friends could do with standing up to her. I wouldn't let someone emotionally blackmail me out of going to a good friend's hen do (although I appreciate that we don't know what she said). It's worrying how this one 'friend' has managed to manipulate several others.

She may have principles but she has no right to impose those ideas on anyone else. Do your friends not have opinions of their own? Added to which what kind of oerson is she to want to emotionally blackmail other people?

I'd be running a mile in the opposite direction - whoever she might be - she is not someone I'd want to associate with.

I realise it may not be possible to uninvite her but I'd keep busy enough to avoid her like the plague - both before the wedding and on the day itself. Enough to be polite - but if she did complain I'd be using all the excuses under the sun i.e last minute things that only you can sort out so as to have as little to do with her as possible - without having a fallout argument which would add to your worries.

To re-iterate your thread title - she is being a cow!

Swampy

Who needs enemies with friends like that. I'd be having a word with her before she says anything else!

F*cking hell, what childish drama.

Hey,

How unsupportive of your friend and the other sheep who are tagging along with her. If you are not confrontational and just want to enjoy yourself, I think you should go to the races with the 6 who are coming and suggest the 'objectors' meet up with you after for dinner and drinks. You can have a good laugh with the 6 of you, and keep the peace with the rest. You will always know in your heart who your friends are even if they are easily manipulated by the cow!

Sorry for the stress you are having, at the end of the day, its about you and your hubby to be and these people cant ruin that for you xxx

Wow. talk about high school behaviour!

I would say go for being honest with this friend. it doesn't have to be confrontational, just tell her that you are worried as lots of people aren't going/pulled out and you think it might be because of animal welfare concers (or whatever her reason is for not going). then ask her if she's been discussing it with people.

if she admits she has been snarking in peoples ears, punch her then tell her she's univited. ?

OR if you want to continue with the non confrontational approach tell her that you find it quite rude that she would do that and really hurtful. its not her place to force her opinions onto others and if she were a true friend then she wouldnt have said anything and gone to your hen do.

as for the others - again I would ask them straight out. are you not coming becasue of animal ethical issues? yes or no - if yes....well I'll leave that one for you. But Iif that is the case I would be very upset and disappointed and de invite them all and tell them where to go. cuz friends do not act that way.

best of luck xx

Like you I'm a bit non confrontational and if I do get into an argument/discussion all the things I've been thinking of saying just don't come out right. What I would do is compose a nice note with all the points I could think of and give it to her, let her read it and then have the discussion this way you're sure all your points are getting across without (or befor)e the arguments.