Hen Party

Well I think you did right initially by asking if it was okay if it was held in those months you could make it, and she was fine with that. I would maybe talk to her again in case she has forgotten that you may not be able to attend.

While I can understand you feeling a bit out of it, this is all about her, not you, so to give a blunt answer to your question: yes, you are being a bit selfish asking her to have her hen do at a time to suit you.

Having said that you are obviously very important to her as she has asked you to be a key part of her day despite not living geographically close to her. if you are keen to meet and get to know the other BMs then why not suggest a low-key unofficial 'mini hen' when you are over before the wedding - let her know that it's important to you to do a good job for her as MOH and you'd like to meet the other BMs if possible.

Also, as someone who planned her wedding in a different country to her MOH, there are still ways you can have a key role in the planning. I had a little list of 'secrets' that my MOH made up that only she and I discussed in the planning to keep it special - dress colour, flowers and jewellery were the main ones. She took my mum with her when she went shopping for her dress and shoes and they skyped me from the shop so that I could be with them. I included my MOH along with my mum and 2 other close friends in my dress shopping trip by taking photos of each dress and asking them to vote for their fave.

I don't think she's likely to change her mind about the hen (and I would have to agree with her about the 10 day thing - I couldn't have fit a full hen day into the 10 days before my wedding) but there is nothing wrong with letting her know how important it is for you to share as much of the build up to her big day as possible and there are heaps of ways to go about doing that, even at a distance.

I understand it's not about me but when I look back at my hen party I just can't imagine celebrating without my maid of honour present. It's not just myself who lives out of the country- another of the bridesmaids also lives in Canada and comes home during summer and Christmas too so I guess I just thought it would be nicer celebrating with more ppl at a convenient time rather than less closer to the wedding date. I will absolutely be there as much as I can beforehand and most definitely on the day.

I will suggest the mini hen and see how it goes

Thanks for feedback- think I needed brutally honest answers lol!

As the others have said, suggest a meet up with everyone in summer, meal and drinks sort of thing. But yes you are being selfish expecting her to organise things around you, I f it were me I would be the same as the bride regarding not wanting it months early or so close to the wedding.

Think I'm starting to see it more clearly now. Was so upset when I first found out. One big disadvantage that comes with living so far away from home.

Definitely not going to let my feelings get in the way. She deserves a great day and lots of excitement in the lead up.

Thanks ladies!

Yorkshire Kiwi gave some good advice. I think with weddings and hen do, sometimes it's best to accept that not everyone the bride wants to be there can make it but it doesnt necessarily mean they dont care. Its not unreasonable for the bride to request the hen do is at a date that is convenient for her. Its also not unreasonable of you to decide not to fly back to the UK for one day. There are oceans between you and Im sure if you lived in the same town or next town, you would definitely be there. It might be worth sounding out the Canadian bridesmaid to see what she is doing. You could prepare a surprise video to be played at the hen do sending the bride your best wishes, that might be a nice way of showing her you are thinking of her.

Tell your friend - you're only here once!

I love that idea!! Thank you

We both won't be travelling so that's a lovely thing to plan!

The main thing is we will all be at the wedding