Hen party etiquette

Normally when it's a UK one, those attending pay a little extra to cover the cost of the bride - but this would only be a small amount.

When you're talking maybe £250 on top of £1000 perhaps for your own ticket... that does seem a little expensive. New York is also somewhat... unusual and expensive.

The only real hen party etiquette seems to be don't post any pictures on Facebook especially of people getting intimate with people that aren't their other halfs...

Wow that is a big ask?!

I feel bad enough dragging my friends all the way to either London / Manchester and them having to spend £150 on that let alone asking them to pay for me..

..It's not what I would like - if I were the hen in your scenario I'd rather the other ladies had the extra £250 to spend on shopping / treats whilst there..

..but every hen / hen night / wedding is different and so do whats comfortable for you. If she is a good friend and you cant afford it, she will understand.

There is no way i'd expect my friends to pay for me to go to new york, especially if it was my idea in the first place.

I'm organising and paying for my own, it's my hen night so why should other people pay for it??

I've organised three hen parties and have been to six in total. The ones I've organised, I've always ensured that the hens cover the cost of everything for the bride. This happened for two of the other three I attended as a guest. In all of those scenarios, we decided what the hen weekends would be, but took into account any likes/dislikes of the bride.

My sister is organising my hen party for me and, as far as I'm aware, the cost of my attendance has been covered. I offered (forcefully!) to pay my share but my sister and the others wouldn't accept. I shall be ensuring that I buy plenty of champagne whilst there by way of thank you.

That's just how it works in my social circle. What does surprise me is that it seems very common for the stags to cover the cost of the groom but for some women, they baulk at doing this for the bride. Seems odd to me.

As for NY, I would treat it in the same way as the hen parties i mentioned above, provided it was being organised for the bride. If she choose to go there and is organising it then she should pay her proportion.

Its always been her dream to have her hen party in NYC which im not too bothered about as it means i get to go shopping but i know a few girls who are going have been saving up for it and then to be told they have to pay more i feel is a little out of order, im not sure if the hen is aware of this as i cant see her being happy with it if she is! I went to Dubai at the beginning of this year on a hen party and the bride paid for the lot as she said it was her idea but i think she is an exception to the rule!

A tough one, Mrs A to B. I think if you're going to pay for the bride it needs to be discussed at the very outset so you can work out how much it's likely to be and begin saving if you need to. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking my friends to stump up for a trip to NY because I know it would preclude some of my friends from coming.

That said, I have no idea where mine is - whether it's Northampton or New York, I'm sure I'll have a fab time!

I've never been to a hen party, but I'm surprised at it being usual for the others to cover the cost of the bride. I had assumed I'd be paying for my hen do!

Talk to her; if you're worried about the cost, then I'm sure she'll understand and you say yourself you don't think she'd be comfortable with everyone else forking out to cover her.

I think covering someones meal and drinks is fine but a plane ticket and hotel to NYC is a bit beyond the call of duty i think.

Esp when you are also paying for yourself.

Maybe pay for one or the other - not both.

Hmmm It is a tricky one! If it was the brides idea and she organised it herself, then I honestly think she should pay her own, cos its an expensive enough hen! You could suggest that everyone maybe could pay a small donation to her chare of the trip, so like £50 each or somethign if you wanted!

I know at mine I felt a wee bit bad when they paid my share of the go karting, and it was about £30! and then paid my dinner and bowling, so you might find that she wont allow you to pay hers anyway!

Defo suggest paying a SMALL donation towards her trip, but dont be dividing up her total bill! Even if you divided the hotel bill up between you, and she paid her own flight or something like that!

My idea to the CBM was that we pay for her hotel (which is the Plaza, she has expensive tastes!!) and she pay for the flight but she was a little disgruntled by this to say the least! The problem I have got is the money isnt a problem to me but i know 2 of the girls coming the money is but they wont say anything to the CBM as to put it nicely she is a grade A b!tch and they are scared of her!!! She said if i was that worried about them i should pay their share as well! Im just trying to make everyone get on as at this rate this is going to be the hen party from hell!!

Other peoples weddings, at least its all practise for mine so i know exactly what not to do!

If two of the girls are going to have to struggle to pay for themselves, I think it's a bit of a big ask to then fork out more! I know it may be a nice thing to do, but NYC is a bit different to the average hen party! My Maid of Honour has offered to pay for me (£160 ish) which I told her 50 times she didn't have to, which fell on deaf ears and she is doing anyway. But it was her choice to offer, I would never expect not to pay for myself. All the hen dos I've ever been on, the bride pays for herself but we organise nice surprises for her. Hopefully she'll come round to the idea of just the flights, Mrs AtoB! x

I dont think thats fair. I think if it was the UK and it was a package deal around £150 then fine as it wouldnt work out too much per person but NYC?????? Bit cheeky me thinks.

As a B2B I was expecting to pay for myself but I havent been asked for anything yet and I think my BMs have booked it already so think they may have paid my deposit at least...

The CBM sounds like a right b*tch and someone needs to stand up to her! What do you think would happen if you all just didnt pay?

If you dont think that would work go direct to the Bride - I'm sure she'll understand and probably doesnt even know this is going on behind her back.

Jeebus that is a huge ask & a bit cheeky if I'm honest. If the extra dosh that is required is less than £50 then I think that's fine but asking for the hens to pay for a plane ticket AND hotel? I think you work to what your mates can afford. When I was organising my hen I was mindful of everyone's financial constraints so organised a shindig in London that wouldn't break the bank.

I think buying a few cocktails for the bride/ a New York snow globe will be more than enough. If you are all spending all that money I don't think the bride should expect anything above this.

I think its a massive ask when your talking about that kind of money, all the hen do's I've been to we have paid for the bride and I don't mind doing that, having said that these have been a burlesque show and dinner in Brighton, a chinese meal with family, a night at the dogs and out on the town in sheffield and a night out in an italian restaurant and down the pub afterwards so nothing as exotic as NYC!

I'm hoping to go glamping for mine at a spa hotel, with a cocktail making class and a gorgeous dinner. I'd be over the moon if my hens paid for me but wouldn't expect it, my CBM is organising it but I'm worried about the cost and wouldn't want it to come to more than £150 pp max

Tbh I think thats shocking. How can the cbm expect you all to pay for someones trip and hotel to NYC! That is beyond cheeky!

I'm having my hen at a murder mystery weekend and Im paying for myself I would never expect others to pay for me its my idea to have a hen party.

I honestly cant believe the cbm even asked you all that I think its disgraceful NYC is not cheap to get to. I would tell her no there is no way you should all be expected to pay for her.

I am absolutely gob smacked!! I think it is outrageous to decide to go to NY for your hen do, and expect everyone else to pay for you too. That is a very expensive hen do and I'm sure that some people will struggle to pay for themselves, never mind the bride!!

Whatever happened to the good old fashioned knees up in this country for goodness sake?????? People are going absolutely crazy over them these days.

*Rant over!*

I think if this had been discussed at the very beginning and factored into the cost pp, then fair enough, as anyone not happy with that would have had the opportunity to pull out, but not to drop it in as an after thought after people have paid/agreed to go!

OMG how bloody cheeky. I am having my hen night where I live and i will be contributing towards the cost. I know my BMs are arranging stuff and I may not be paying for everything but I sure as hell am contributing to it. I wouldnt let the girls pay for everything as i decided upon where we were going for the evening and know how expensive the meal will be (but i am a foodie so wanted a great meal). TBH I think it is wrong that the BM organising your friends hen is expecting everyone to pay for her, granted there should be a collection for something special for her possibly she gets an upgraded room and you pay for teh upgrade but her plane fare and hotel bill that to me is just out of order especially when she was the one who decided on going there in the first place.