Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy August 2021 Central & Glasgow

Hen Party Nightmare

Emma, 19 February, 2022 at 00:01 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 9

Saved

Report
Hide content

Hello

Is it unreasonable to ask that a hen party suits everyone's budgets?
I'm matron of honour and the bride's bff is maid of honour.
The maid-O-H has taken over the planning of the hen party and the costs are all adding up to over £200
I raised this and got snotty response telling me I could save up and that the bride deserves the best.
I love the bride and wish I could do more but skinting myself isn't ideal.
My hen party cost my bridemaids £30 and my husband bought us all a case of prosecco and was in my home town.
I'm not saying it has to be cheap but we are already spending £70 on accommodation, £70 travel + drinks, food and various activities.
I tried to give other suggestions but Maid-o-h is being defensive and said I'm awakward and not being flexible. Tried to be nice but she is rude. I said I appreciate what she's done so far but x y z would be cheaper.
Should I say to the bride I'm worried about the costs? I feel stuck between a rock and hard place - go and be skint or miss out. Right now I don't wanna go.
I haven't even been on my honeymoon so being told to save up takes the p!SS.
Already taking three days off work to attend the wedding, pay for travel and accommodation for that a month after the hen party.
Never met the Maid of Honour either but usually if it was someone I'd speak to her face to face and be telling them how she dealt with it isn't acceptable (some call me blunt but I've been nothing but polite and friendly, even got my husband to check my messages and it was all civil)
What would you do?

Report
Hide content

9 replies

Latest activity by Anonbride, 21 February, 2022 at 15:23

Savvy August 2021 Central & Glasgow
Emma · 19 February, 2022 at 01:37
Report

Hide content
This is giving me real anxiety and I don't want to upset the bride but how can I tell my husband when he's already working extra shifts that on top of the annual leave and attending the wedding costs I'm going to be spending even more then I thought on a hen party.
- Reply
Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
Tamsin · 19 February, 2022 at 07:45
Report

Hide content
I think you should talk to the bride and tell her your concerns, ultimately she’s in charge of the whole thing, even if the maid OH is heading up the hen do. You’re obviously a close friend of the Brides if you’re matron OH and she’ll want you there so just tell her the costs are getting too high for you and you’re really stressing out.
Could you just attend part of the hen? Mine has 3 parts to the day to cater for different budgets and tastes - everyone’s doesn’t have to do every part, and I’d prefer someone just came to the one part they would actually enjoy rather than being there for the whole day but not enjoying themselves
- Reply
Rockstar March 2022 Devon
Louise · 19 February, 2022 at 08:17
Report

Hide content
This is so tough, I do feel for u. Do u know any of the other bridesmaids? Do u know if any of them r thinking the same about costs? I'm having 2 hen dos due to my closest friends being in London and my bridesmaids (closest family members) being with me in Devon. With the bridesmaids we went to an afternoon spa and then had dinner and drinks at my sisters house then I will travel to London where we will go out to dinner and drinks (and hopefully play pool or darts) but I wouldn't want anyone to feel like they couldn't come due to costs. I would also hope that they knew they could talk to me and we could work something out. U r just as important to the bride as anyone else and she will want u there. Its a shame u don't already know the moh as it sounds like u could have got off on the wrong foot. Try ro start that one over and speak on the phone instead of messaging or something but don't be scared to voice some concerns about cost. Hope you figure it out!
- Reply
Super July 2022 Surrey
Yorkshirelass · 19 February, 2022 at 08:59
Report

Hide content
I personally think hen dos are getting far too expensive these days. I know of people who have gone abroad to Vegas for instance which is totally over the top for me!
It was important to me that people felt they could afford the hen do as well, my sister is organising most of it but we agreed the main idea (one night spa and B&B and dinner package in a hotel for £175) and costs between us before we opened it out to my friends and family. Only 4 aren’t coming and it was more for clash of dates than anything else. Everyone says they are ok with the cost. I would speak to the bride and tell her the increasing costs are making you feel uncomfortable and youre worried about people affording it, give it from others perspective and not just your own. Also I agree to call the other MOH and speak on phone as comes across better than by text.
You are not being unreasonable to raise this.Good luck
- Reply
Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 19 February, 2022 at 10:57
Report

Hide content
Since the Maid OH is being unreasonable, I think it is acceptable for you to speak to the bride. You must be a close friend since you are Matron OH, and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to either miss out on the hen do or feel so stressed over the cost.
You may also find that other guests are feeling worried about the cost, but haven't liked to raise it. If you are comfortable speaking up and being blunt, but are still stressed about this and haven't got anywhere, it may be that some of the other, less confident, hens are either too nervous to raise their concerns or have tried and been squashed.
- Reply
Expert July 2023 Cornwall
Anonbride · 19 February, 2022 at 13:06
Report

Hide content
To be honest, I’d speak to the other bridesmaids before you go to the bride - get a sense check first as to whether you’re the only one feeling like this or whether it’s widespread amongst the group. I say this because it saves the bride having to do this - that’s the first thing I’d be doing if someone came to me with this issue. It also helps you better frame your discussion with the bride: either as a very personal one about your situation or something on behalf of most of the group.

Hope it goes okay!
- Reply
Savvy August 2021 Central & Glasgow
Emma · 19 February, 2022 at 13:29
Report

Hide content
Hi everyone and thank you for all your support.
I spoke to the others going and a few said they were also worried about the cost, some more than others and two weren't as they have different life situations (earn a good wage and no kids etc).

Going to ring the bride tomorrow and will let you know how it goes!
- Reply
VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 19 February, 2022 at 17:39
Report

Hide content
I made it explicitly clear to my MOH that it had to be affordable for my girls as I know some can't afford much and they are spending money coming the weddingm to me a Hen is about spending time with the people you want and it doesn't have to be a big showy going away event. I told my MOH that I wasn't fussed about going away I just wanted to have a nice spa day and then an evening in with the girls with cheese, wine, face mask cetera and just chill together. This also meant those who can't afford the spa day can then still some for the eve. Sadly it seems that she's not really thinking about what's best for the bride, at the end of the day if people can't afford it they will be less people coming and I would rather have everyone there and it be cheaper than trying to go for something that people can't afford and the bride feeller down. I really do think you do need to speak to the Bride to give her a heads up and ask her if she wants to give the MOH a steer on what she wants or if you should. Wishing you luck
- Reply