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Beginner May 2023 Greater Manchester

Home parish refusing to marry us

Grace, 22 June 2022 at 16:51 Posted on Planning 0 10
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Hello,
I’m from Ireland but have been living away in Manchester for 10 years for university and then work.
Getting married next year in Ireland and really wanted to get married in my home parish where I had my baptism/confirmation and attended the primary school attached to the parish. When I’ve enquired they’ve been basically said no and that as I’ve been living in Manchester for the last number of years I should be getting married there?
I know of loads of girls living away in England that have gone home to Ireland for their wedding
Anyone been in a similar situation?

10 replies

Latest activity by Lily, 26 June 2022 at 23:01
  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    I had a friend who had this, she got round it by putting an address in the parish on her marriage application, she used her parents address, but this was CofE and about 15 years ago so not sure if has gotten stricter. Not sure how ethical it is or if they have a way of checking, i guess they could look at electoral roll or ask for proof of address, so if you cant provide that it could be an issue. Not sure of any other way round it, sorry

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  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Is it a church wedding?

    I don't know about the rules in Ireland, but certainly in England, you can get married in any parish if you have lived there at any time in the past for at least six months or if you were christened there. I think the rules in Ireland are more strict, but it should still be possible.

    Who have you asked? I would ask them if that is the rule or their own decision. In England, if you have the right connection to the church, you can get the bishop to override the local vicar if he refuses permission - this is what friends of mine had to do, as they were adamant they wanted to marry in the church to which they had family connections, but the vicar hated weddings and turned them down.

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  • G
    Beginner May 2023 Greater Manchester
    Grace ·
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    View quoted message
    Yeaa it’s a Catholic Church wedding.


    My parents still attend mass there regularly and because I had attended the adjunct school with my baptism, holy communion and confirmation all having taken place in that church I thought it would be no issue. They’ve said no on the basis that I’m not currently in that parish as I’ve lived away for a number of years which I’m very upset about.
    Was just wondering if anyone else had been in similar situation as really wanted my wedding there, but suppose not if they’ve said no


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  • Bobs
    Curious August 2023 South West London
    Bobs ·
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    I think that it depends upon the rules of different parishes. I’m getting married in the Cotswolds and I was told that we either had to be a resident of the parish, those who have a historic family connection or those who have at some stage regularly attended that church. They way for us to get around this, is to attend he church for six months up until our wedding date. x
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  • Ostira
    Dedicated October 2023 Durham
    Ostira ·
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    I’m Catholic and my fiancé isn’t religious but since we’re getting married in a Gretna Green, we’re going to have a CofE wedding and have a Catholic blessing at my local church. With lockdowns, my church is really understanding on the lack of attendance
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  • G
    Beginner May 2023 Greater Manchester
    Grace ·
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    Thanks for the replies
    It was the church I regularly attended up until I was 18 and moved away for university/work and one my parents still attend.
    I guess I’m just shocked that the priest has said no tbh as I still have ties to the parish and know of a lot of girls who have gone back to their home parish to get married and haven’t had any issues
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  • AJX
    Dedicated April 2024 West Yorkshire
    AJX ·
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    We're getting married at my FH's childhood parish even though we don't live there anymore. When we met with the priest he just said he was going to get in touch with our local parish priest and ask for permission for him to marry us but he said there wouldn't be a problem with it. Like RomanticGreenStationary said, I would see if you can speak to someone higher up in the church x

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  • R
    Super July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    I'm so sorry - I really don't understand priests or ministers who put hindrances in the way of a couple getting married - I would have thought any minister of religion would be delighted to have a couple that want to choose a church that has spiritual significance to them instead of just picking a pretty venue. Would they rather you just lived together or got married in a hotel?!! It seems crazy to me that people who are supposed to encourage marriage as a sacrament are putting all the obstacles they can in the way instead!

    I've done a bit of hunting round, and it seems that Catholic priests can make their own rules about who they marry. So if he won't change his mind, I don't think there is much you can do. Have you explained the reasons you are choosing the church? If not, it might help to spell out how important it is to you to marry in the church which has also been the location of the other major spiritual events in your lifetime, to make it really clear it's not just a sentimental decision or because it's a nice building/convenient location. If he still won't listen, you could try contacting your local bishop and asking him to intercede with the priest on your behalf. If the priest realises this is important enough for you to contact the bishop, it might sway his decision.

    Otherwise, as a last resort, you could look at getting the legal marriage done elsewhere and asking if he would consider doing a blessing instead.

    P.S. If you can't get married there, hang on to the hope that there's a reason for it. I was gutted when the new minister refused to let us get married in the little village church that my family had strong connections with. We ended up having to choose a huge church in an adjacent town, and I was worried about how ridiculous our tiny number of wedding guests were going to look in such a big building. Then Covid hit. The 'enormous building' only just had enough room for 13 of us 2 metres apart. If we'd given notice for marriage at the village church, we'd have had to call it off, as we couldn't even have fitted us & the minister and the two witnesses in, keeping 2 metres apart. So if you do end up having to get married elsewhere, maybe you'll find out that your new location ends up being better for you after all x

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  • Kim
    Savvy August 2022 West Yorkshire
    Kim ·
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    We are getting married in a church that isnt are parish but my mum lives inside the parish still but we had to have are banns read in are parish aswell as the church were getting married in
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  • Lily
    North London
    Lily ·
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    It’s a tricky one. It might be worth seeing if your parents (active members of the parish) can ask them? But if they’re sticking to it, it might be positive to ask them to do a blessing instead.
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